I am responding , so that you know SOMEONE acknowledges and validates you as a person.

I don't know how long you have been DXed BP,or how long you have been trying to find the right med combo...but I can tell you..(it sounds lame)...things can and do get better.

Hey you're not alone. I am in the same place right now. I have been in a very bad place the past few days and it only feels like it will get worse. But you just need to hang in there. It will pass. Something will get better. Maybe a med tweak is necessary. Have you talked to your pdoc? or a therapist or someone? Don't give up. You can talk to me if you want. There are a lot of people here on DS that would love to talk to you too and can tell you they've been there and it has gotten better. You can try calling a crisis line too. I'm sorry I don't have a lot of advice and am not much help, but please don't give up and please don't harm yourself. Go to the ER if you are feeling like hurting yourself. Please take care.

I can relate to not liking yourself. I struggle with that also. When I get into that mode of hating myself I soon feel depressed and then I do self-defeating behaviors that only make me hate myself more. I hope you can believe the messages that tell you that you are not all bad. If you don't get those messages let me be the first to tell you that you are not all bad and that you can be loved. Please don't give up and hurt yourself.

i too know that feeling all too well and too often--this past week all i can seem to think about is suicide; but I know it will destroy my family and I was doin pretty well just a few weeks ago

lets all climb back up and asking for help is one of the hardest parts to getting better

u r not alone

LOVE
pat

I am sorry you are feeling this way. I hope you get to feeling better. You should try to get in to see your doc as soon as you can.

dancingd is right. Things can get better with the right meds. I'm sorry you feel so lousy right now. Sending you good vibes.

I don't have on my glasses, but I was coming into the office to turn off my computer and I saw your post. Sweetie, I feel like you do a whole lot. Guess what? It is a part of the cycle of bipolar. Don't let anyone maek you feel worse that you already do. We get like this sometimes. Mark the moods. Track them. Sometimes these moods can last for hours, Sometimes they last was days. At times they last for weeks, but they don't last forever. I will write you as often as you want me to. I've been there and I can testify that it passes. Hugs... hugs.. hugs... kisses... kisses... kisess

Be careful.. soon you will have to run from the love that comes your was. When you feel better, go out and help somebody. Yes, when you help somebody, then you'll have people needing you... and you'll soon know that what you do matters because folks depend on you. I know folks need you nnow anyways...but getting a few more won't hurt.
Prosperanta

Don't look at the errors. I am legally blind in one eye - so without my glasses.. I type by memory. But I care... I care... I have almost everything that can be wrong with a person, but life is worth living! Yeah! It is!

I care and I can also sympathize......I've been feeling the same way myself. I've had cancer twice, and I honestly don't know why I am here. I have to make a conscious effort to hand it over to God. And of course, you need to have your meds adjusted as well....having Bipolar blows, I'm sorry, but we ALL care!!!!! I am sending you lots of hugs and prayers my friend!!!

You are loved and you are worth more than you know right now. You will dig yourself out of this hole. You have the power to do so! Don't listen to those voices that tell you otherwise! I believe in you! Believe in yourself and say f*** the past. Tear down those walls of that belief system that keep you from living your life with peace and contentment. Focus on what you can do, not what you have or haven't done in the past. It really is about letting go. You deserve to love yourself, There is nothing wrong with you but the way you think about yourself. Clean that up and you will feel like living again. xoxoxoxox

I want you to know what I have hit rock bottom in the past and it was rough. It definitely sounds as if you are in crisis and need some help. Sounds like a med tweaking is in order or if u r on no meds, then u nee to be. I feel your pain b/c I have been there and back!! I hope you become well very soon.XO

I understand how you feel. You do get to a point where crying is pointless, there are no more tears you become numb to the pain the humility and the misunderstandings others have of you and the illness. Others do not understand or care about people with depression or bipolar depression. They don't understand the cycles or care about them or us. It's sad. And I am not able to take meds and believe me I've tried them all, so there is absolutely no help for people like me who are med resistant and allergic to so much. But I still keep struggling on and find value in myself even if nobody else does. I look for the good in life even when there is so little. I find some redemption in the sun setting or the sun rising as it adds some continuity to life. I know it's not easy. I too may be homeless soon. My family kicked me out of their lives and I in turn told them where to go. And the one person I talk to is also depressed and that is my first ex husband. But I rely on my faith in God and my belief that when God says it's my time to go.. then and only then will that be the case. This faith and my children keep me sane for most of the time and other depressed and bipolar people..just knowing I'm not alone.