you are not ugly.
that is the negative side of this disease talking.

I know how you feel Hanna but you are not disgusting. I have gained 25 since changing meds 6 months ago, it's a constant battle to eat healthy and in moderation. I have lost 6 but it has taken a long time to do it. I know I can get back down to where I want to be, just takes willpower to do it.

The bug thing I have never experienced, I don't know how to help on that one dear. xo

I feel for you. I posted a similar entry in my journal about how I hate being in my skin but I do agree we are our own worst critics. We see things that other people never see. We see ourselves as being always in the negaitive but we arent. We are okay in the eyes of others. I think if we started treating ourselves like others see us we would be a whole lot happier. Look in the mirror and know you are someone special to someone.

Hanna, you are a beautiful person inside and out. I'm looking at your avi now and I see nothing but an adorable pretty face. And, you on the inside are an incredibly caring and genuine girl.

I know what it's like with the weight gain of meds. Last Feb I had finally had enough and started off exercising just 3 days a week. Believe it was soooo hard, I had to force myself to do it. I then got up to 5x a week. I felt great and lost 30lbs by July.

But, alas I have it a bump in the road and have gotten off my routine. I have gained a little bit of it back and need to get started again. I know how hard it is.

I have never experienced the bug thing either, I'm sorry you are having to deal with that.

Just to let you know I think you are super gorgeous and always have. And the whole losing weight thing still hasnt helped me. I have lost 30 pounds and now I have all this lose skin. Its terrible. I dont know if the weight loss has helped my self esteem or crushed it even more. So just wanted you to know that thriving for think isnt always what it seems to be. YOu are lovely no matter what size you are. and your personality rocks!

I feel your pain homie.

I agree this is the BP talking... I don't know you but from your avi I can see you are far from being ugly... please don't put yourself down that way... I can totally relate but it just makes us feel worse about ourselves

weight gain and psych.meds seem to go hand in hand... I have some to lose too and just can't be arsed... I need to be a bit more like bluefly and push myself more.. it is extremely hard but doable... just cut yourself a break and do the best you can x

Thanks everyone. I appreciate your kind words and advice. I have to do something about it now....before it gets any worse. I'm so paranoid that if I walk past people and they laugh or talk amongst themselves that they're either laughing at me or talking about how disgusting I am.

Logically I know they're probably not, but I can't help but think that they are. It gives me panic attacks to approach a group of people.

you are not disgusting ... it is the BP that makes you feel this way. I often have to tell myself this.

Try and move in baby steps. You aren't going to reach your goals overnight. Get some advice and help, perhaps from a nutritionist or start walking with a friend. Any little change in your routine is going to pay off in the long run. Plus, the more healthy stuff you do, the more you are going to want to do.

BUT! Don't be too hard on yourself. Love yourself and honor the positive changes you are making. You are doing this out of love for yourself, not disgust or hate.

xb