Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
Hi, I'm Grenadine. I know my picture is obnoxious.. I don't really look like that. She's my inspiration to work out and look like that. It's silly I know... I sort of have a body image issue.
But the real reason why I'm posting on here is because I just spent the afternoon into evening with my older sister. while she was making dinner we started having a deep conversation about family and life and my life with bipolar disorder.
She doesn't forgive my Dad for being an abusive alcoholic and hurting all of us and she won't talk to him. I have forgiven him even though he once traumatized me and physically hurt me. (he is somewhat estranged from us)
He has changed and it is so healing to talk to him now and receive his love. I told her this and she was still holding onto the hurt from so many years ago.
We noted that I am forgiving. Too forgiving. I forgave my father for his abuse and trauma and I accept him with open loving arms. I brought up how I forgave the man who raped me.
He genuinely raped me and lured me and deceived me and physically hurt me and abused me and frightened me and traumatized me. I went to the hospital the next day for the rape kit and I forgave him completely. I defended him and protected him from going to jail. There was a detective there and I steered him off course so he wouldn't get caught. I say it was because i was afraid he would find me and kill me, which he did threaten me with, but that's not why i defended him. Someone told me it is common to fall in love with your rapist.
But I felt I deserved it. I felt I should be raped and abused all my life, because of my father I think. even when I was a little girl I thought this. And then it happened and I accepted it and felt it was supposed to happen to me.
I am just shaken up by this... I have been raped three times and have had several abusive sexual experiences. Why am I so sick? What is wrong with me? I am a happy healthy young woman for the most part. But I have been through a lot and have had a turbulent past.
Normally I am a successful young woman who is caring and loving and smart and I take care of myself and I've been stable for a good two years and I exercise and eat right and meditate and do yoga and I come from a good family and I love to help others.
The way I talk about this it may seem that I am a battered woman so I just wanted to paint a full picture of myself. Maybe there's a small part of me that feels that is who I am in a small way, a battered woman.
Anyway SHAKEN UP. I went to the gym after and swam laps in the pool WAY over doing it. It was the equivalent of sprinting but in a pool. I was out of breath the whole time but I needed to exercise harder.
I guess I just really need a friend to talk to right now and I don't have one. We talked about how I have low self esteem and so does my mom. I always feel like I am burdening people when I'm having troubles, as I do now.
Anyway, I hope you are having a nice night and if you read this, thank you.
But the real reason why I'm posting on here is because I just spent the afternoon into evening with my older sister. while she was making dinner we started having a deep conversation about family and life and my life with bipolar disorder.
She doesn't forgive my Dad for being an abusive alcoholic and hurting all of us and she won't talk to him. I have forgiven him even though he once traumatized me and physically hurt me. (he is somewhat estranged from us)
He has changed and it is so healing to talk to him now and receive his love. I told her this and she was still holding onto the hurt from so many years ago.
We noted that I am forgiving. Too forgiving. I forgave my father for his abuse and trauma and I accept him with open loving arms. I brought up how I forgave the man who raped me.
He genuinely raped me and lured me and deceived me and physically hurt me and abused me and frightened me and traumatized me. I went to the hospital the next day for the rape kit and I forgave him completely. I defended him and protected him from going to jail. There was a detective there and I steered him off course so he wouldn't get caught. I say it was because i was afraid he would find me and kill me, which he did threaten me with, but that's not why i defended him. Someone told me it is common to fall in love with your rapist.
But I felt I deserved it. I felt I should be raped and abused all my life, because of my father I think. even when I was a little girl I thought this. And then it happened and I accepted it and felt it was supposed to happen to me.
I am just shaken up by this... I have been raped three times and have had several abusive sexual experiences. Why am I so sick? What is wrong with me? I am a happy healthy young woman for the most part. But I have been through a lot and have had a turbulent past.
Normally I am a successful young woman who is caring and loving and smart and I take care of myself and I've been stable for a good two years and I exercise and eat right and meditate and do yoga and I come from a good family and I love to help others.
The way I talk about this it may seem that I am a battered woman so I just wanted to paint a full picture of myself. Maybe there's a small part of me that feels that is who I am in a small way, a battered woman.
Anyway SHAKEN UP. I went to the gym after and swam laps in the pool WAY over doing it. It was the equivalent of sprinting but in a pool. I was out of breath the whole time but I needed to exercise harder.
I guess I just really need a friend to talk to right now and I don't have one. We talked about how I have low self esteem and so does my mom. I always feel like I am burdening people when I'm having troubles, as I do now.
Anyway, I hope you are having a nice night and if you read this, thank you.
What i happening to me? I just got out of the hospital, I was in a mental ward for having an episode of some sort. I'm so apologetic right now to everyone. I feel like such a burden. Everytime I talk I have to apologize for saying anything about myself or my worries and that im being selfish.
My mother didn't even bring me to the emergency room to have me checked. I didn't know until this past year I suffered a traumatic brain injury from that accident in my frontal lobe. I have been punched in the face, thrown down stairs things thrown at my head, whipped with belts, bruised hand marks in my butt.. It was pretty bad..
My mother left to live with my grandparents so she could accept a job offer which was 6 hrs away. I was the only kid left at home at this time. And I couldn't stand it anymore. I often stayed with my friend who lived on a farm and did hard labor every day, but it was so much better than being at home. My dad decided to tell me I had to come home and I was so afraid I swallowed a bottle of pills and tried to kill myself. I was taken to the ER and got my stomach pumped, and I think it was at that moment my father seen the damage of his actions.. He didn't make me go back home. I went back to my friends house. Her parents were like my second family.
I remember my dad going into a in patient rehab, And then found out he had bipolar disorder. I didn't understand it until I started having issues and I to was diagnosed with it... We never got along when I was a kid.. At all.. But now.. We are the best of friends.. I forgave him and it wasn't hard. I don't know if it is because I understood him and he understood me. It was really a bonding thing for us.. We are good as long as we don't live together.. lol I think were to much alike and it is hard. A few days spending together at a time is wonderful. I call him at least 3 times a week and we laugh like no one else understands us or the jokes.. But us.. I love my father. He has said he was sorry. And I have whole heartily forgave him for everything.. He and my mom have been my biggest support through my entire adulthood. When I would fall, find myself in jail, homeless they were always there to help me. Even when they didn't have anything to give.
I believe things can be mended and healed in relationships even when they were just horrific! I am living proof of that. I Love my parents so much, and am so happy we were able to mend our relationship,I can't imagine my life without them. My 2 older brothers don't have mental illness and don't understand it, So it's unfortunate they were unable to mend their relationship with my father.
I don't know what to say to make things any easier for you or the things you went through. But it is always good to talk and get support when you need it... May you find peace in your heart and mind and if you ever need anyone to talk to.. I'm sure there are a lot of people that will be here for you... Hugs