I have no idea - I'm guessing since your here, you have bipolar? A chemical imbalance that floods our brains with the "wrong" feelings either inappropriate time, or doom..... despair... I hate the feelings, if I do all the right things, doesn't mean I'm going to feel "right"... but I am alive and kicking - typing you! Instead of other bad things...

I don't know why you feel this way - but I do KNOW that you do, and I have too, we here DO Understand ((((BIG HUG)))) So not knowing why we are, I do want to ask - what are you doing to control it or stop it? Your a big artist, can you make something instead of destroy or hurt yourself? Do you do meds, or therapy, meetings or any coping skills?

So type back! use the board - hang out, answer a few other threads - start another one.. tell us about your last tattoo or another poem or art!!!! You have so much talent - LOL I have the same issues with NO artistic talent - oy, probably why I'm here more than you : )

You're here! When I answer others peoples threads for a few minutes, I'm out of my own head and pain - jump in and hang out! You don't sound too busy..... Start more threads! Help me, help you! LMAO!!!!

(Friday's are always slow, this time of year - slower)

or not...............

I'm really sorry you're struggling! Wishing you peace and comfort ASAP! When I'm miserable I try to sleep, sleep is my friend - I hope you get some rest, and that tomorrow is better - not worse...

I'm walking talking proof there is hope! I've spent years feeling like you described - and they are a vague memory! I thought I couldn't and didn't want to make it - but its a VAGUE memory - so hold on my friend!

(((HUGS)))

I found that a 2-prong approach to anger works best for me.
First there's meds that calm us. Second there's the study of anger and learning about the origins and control of anger.
You may find other areas to cover too. But by all means deal with your reaction before you do harm to yourself or somebody else!