Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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I cant seem to stop messing up my life.

Bernie96
Bernie96

I really want to die. I managed to upset my best friend. I've been telling him for a little over a month that I'd kill myself. 2 days ago, I was serious. Well to say the least, he called the police and they came to my work. They told me that I had to go to the hospital. I could go voluntarily but I still couldn't leave, or involuntarily ( in handcuffs). I chose voluntarily. They took me outside, and searched me, they searched my purse, and put me in the back of the car. When I got to the hospital, I peed in a cup, had to change out of ALL my clothes, they took my stuff and locked it up outside my room. I couldn't leave my room. I couldn't shut the door and there was a security guard watching me. Never in my life have I felt worse. On top of all that, now my friend wants time to think about things and decide how he feels about the position I put him in. I feel like crap and I feel hopeless that I can ever succeed at anything. I cut my legs the worse I ever have about an hour ago. Now I'm stuck, I want to die, but I don't know how I'll do it.

Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
Big hug for you Bernie... Your friend was trying to help you and from what you've written here you need some help sweetie...

All you have to do is to reach out for it... Most people who say that they want to die really just don't know how to live because they're in so much pain... You're cutting yourself and it sounds like you're feeling desperate...

I know what it feels like as well to want to die..... I also know how healing feels and it feels pretty good..

Are you out of the hospital now??...If you're out I would make an appt with your doctor and let him/her know what you've been going through and how you've been feeling.... ...

If you're still in the hospital I would talk with your nurse and let the nurse know how badly you're feeling... as well with your doctor when you next see him/her...
This is how they can help you by knowing what's going on

There is good help and healing to be had... Your friend was shaken up...

This is a time to treat yourself gently and maybe start with baby steps...

They're steps in the right direction... big hug and a blessing....xo
Sunshinegirl0228
Sunshinegirl0228
Gentle hugs to you. I've been where you are. I wouldn't say no to death right now either. But here we are. People love and care about us.
I agree with suncloud that you should see a shrink. Talk out your feelings. My therapists office was always a safe place for me. I could tell her anything. Be safe. Love and hugs to you
Jenniferswe
Jenniferswe
I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. Hugs.
autumn8890
autumn8890
I have also been where you are. It sounds like your friend was truly concerned about you taking your own life. I have also had the police, years ago, take me to a hospital. It isn't fun but sometimes it is what we need. You should talk to a pdoc and a tdoc and try to get yourself stable again. Don't hurt yourself and try to see that there is healing to be had and you can have a good life. This bad stuff passes even when it feels like it will go on forever, it won't. Be safe and Hugs to you!!
Bernie96
Bernie96
I'm trying everything. But I still want to die. I still cut. It's getting easier to cut, but harder to live.
MayB
MayB
So sorry to hear you are feeling this bad Bernie I think many of us have been where you are and a big hug to you...I agree with what many have said a therapist is really helpful. Working on many issues before they become unmanageable does make a difference slowly over time. Everything you are experiencing can get better...I have many hospitalizations under my belt to prove it....love yourself none of this is easy.
Bernie96
Bernie96
Mayb did the hospitalizations help you?
irishwriter
irishwriter
hospitalisation helped me big time. i didn't want to leave. i would have stayed there longer but the nice pdoc left and the other guy was an asshole. it was wonderful to meet like-minded people and i am still in touch with some of them. if you need to go to the er do it, you won't regret it.
Bernie96
Bernie96
I'm worried about losing my job and then not being to be a teacher like I want to, if I get hospitalized.
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