Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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I Can't- Big TW

iam30113
iam30113
I don't know if I'm up or down or in between or both. My moods are all over the place and changing so rapidly it's giving me a whiplash. I know pregnancy hormones are supposed to screw with you like this, add to that the fact that I have a mood and/or personality disorder, I'm stressed, in a depressing, frustrating situation, have no one in real time I can talk to right now and I have to be pretending it's business as usual. This morning I was up after 7 baking potato and plantain and whipping up a huge lunch all the time thinking- don't slit your wrist, don't stab yourself with the fork. A few minutes later I was on the floor in my room wanting to cry but alas! no tears. So I distracted myself by ironing a bunch of clothes. I was just grabbing and ironing and trying not to press the iron against my skin. Yesterday I was practically a zombie. I was just walking around with my arms wrapped around myself wondering if I failed at killing myself and the baby died if I'd get arrested since abortions are illegal. I just want to disappear right now. Poof! And I'm gone. I don't know if or for how much longer I can resist the urge to self harm. I don't want to go to the psych ward. Not that I can afford the one closest to me anyway. Yaay for blowing your money on crap. I just cannot deal with any of this, anything right now. Just screw it all to hell.
undeadparagon
undeadparagon
Wow, someone who's bipolar and pregnant... All I can say is I feel for you, and that if you drink or shit like that, you could ruin the kid you're giving birth to's life. Everyone knows that until they get emotional, and it sounds like you're going through a lot right now.
iam30113
iam30113
I haven't had a drink since last year. Though I would love nothing more than to swim in the bottom of a vodka bottle and just feel my mind and body go numb. But I won't cos I'm trying to be responsible. Though that's the shit I should have been thinking last month. But noooo. Why think when you can just blindly do and fuck up the rest of your life?
undeadparagon
undeadparagon
The kid might have bipolar, and they're going to have a mom who's bipolar, so if you are going to keep this kid, you need to be strong and proactive about treatment. Best of luck to you, someone with a test of all feats.
SerenitySeeker14
SerenitySeeker14
I am so sorry that you are feeling the way you are. I've never had the desire to harm myself so I really don't have any helpful advice :( But, I still wanted to reach out and encourage you to hang in there! I do know what it is like not to have anybody to turn to...we are here for you! Big hugs!!
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
I would either call a crisis line or your doctor iam... I'm sorry you're struggling with this.. Your doctor might be able to refer you to a support group if not for bipolar as you told me there was little support then perhaps for young pregnant women
Big hug for you and a blessing...xo
iam30113
iam30113
I sent him what I just posted. Unedited. Might as well freak him out too. Yaay. I'm trying to stay positive but there's very little to remain positive about or be hopeful for right now. Truth be told I was more on the side of not having a baby, ever. Now I haven't got much of a choice since I don't believe in abortions and can't have one anyway. And yeah, this poor baby is probably going to be mentally ill too and that's what I wanted to escape most- passing on my 'demons' to some innocent creature. That doesn't help in the least. A part of me thinks I should just take next year off because if I'm in this state now it's just gonna get worse as the pregnancy progresses and who knows what I'll do then. Or when the baby is born. My risk of having post-partum depression is probably triple the normal rate and I don't want to be the woman who hurts herself or her baby.
undeadparagon
undeadparagon
So that's the reason you're going to keep the kid? Not because you can do more than other people with bipolar, but because you don't believe in abortions? Well you can get them anywhere, and the kid is going to go through heart breaking depression with a mother who odds are will be dysfunctional and terrible to love. I can already see how strong you are. Christ be with them.
Community LeaderSunCloudJD
SunCloudJD
You could consider adoption if you aren't ready to be a mom sweetie.. Many people desperately want children and are unable to have them... There is nothing wrong with deciding this is in both yours and your child's best interest... It would be an amazing gift to a childless couple... You have options iam and you have time to think about them ...xo
undeadparagon
undeadparagon
Foster homes are over stuffed, and the kids are sometimes neglected and abused. I've spent two years total in hospitals as an adolescent (long stays), so I've talked with a lot of them. If they go straight to a wanting couple, though...
iam30113
iam30113
I hope you're having a lovely day, Undead. I don't know if I can do more than people with bipolar disorder. I've never been in a situation like this before nor do I know of anyone else who has. I'm keeping the baby because I think right now that's the best decision to make. If after the baby is born I realize I'm unfit to be a mom, what with me being 'dysfunctional and terrible to love' then I always have the option of adoption. I do not need a permanent fix right now, especially not one that I might regret. And yeah, I'm pretty weak and vulnerable right now on account of I'm pregnant and going through a bit of hell. Christ be with us all.
iam30113
iam30113
Sun, my mum would probably take over if I can't handle being a mother. I'd much prefer that than giving the baby to strangers. I'd still be able to be in his/her life to some extent and know that he/she is being well taken care of and around family. She actually wants another baby plus I know for sure her fiance wants kids since he's never had any but I think she thinks she's too old now. I just need to find a way to get through the next few months.
rappciteeinblue
rappciteeinblue
Oh yes, I had symptoms like this when I was 25.
iam30113
iam30113
Were you pregnant at the time? Or was the disorder progressing?
spacepony
spacepony
iam, you sound like you're feeling dysphoric right now which is mood swing or anxiety and not the truth.
rappciteeinblue
rappciteeinblue
I was pregnant, yes. You can get through it, you need a good support system. Diet helps-lots of lean protein and vegetables. Take everything one day at a time, and sometimes one moment at a time. Make sure to get fresh air. Don't stay in too much at the same time, do get rest. Drink plenty of water.

It was tough, but I made it through.
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