I have never written on this crisis board before, I am really struggling terrible debilitating depression which has lasted longer than any of my depressions that I have experienced in the past. I have been sober from alcohol for over 3 years, I am a single mom of a 13 year old son and I am used to working full time as a flight attendant since 97. I was off of work for the past 2 years as a result of trouble finding the right medication, getting diagnosed with fibromyalagia and then being approved for social security disability. This past February 2012, I tried to go back to flying only a few flights a month, to try to keep my job, It absolutely exausted me and set me into another depression starting in March, where my meds won't work, can't stop crying, no energy, trouble going to the grocery store, trouble taking the trash out, lay in bed all day, ... The pdoc has tried me on every thing for bipolar 1, I saw the pdoc 3x last week, I see the pdoc every week .I call my family everyday and ask for help, they live 3,000 miles away .. the pdoc had a conference call with my parents last week.. saying I would be a candidate for ECT, but he would recommend for me the TMS treatment and the pdoc & My family agreed that I am just existing, not living at this point. My parents are trying to get the insurance TMS treatment, Nothing is happening fast enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am sooooooooooo sick of struggling this is no way to live. This is lonliness existance but I never feel well to do anything. I am so sad, I feel like this is never going to get better!! I feel so hopeless, and I am tired of this pain.