Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
When I'm needing a med change or really tired. I am a complete and total bitch. I used words harshly and I am cruel to my husband and my mom. The only 2 people in the world that give two shits about me. I know it should make me feel bad but the ??? utter rage I feel is the only thing I feel. No happiness or sadness. Just like I could demolish anything within reach. It's like I want to hurt them. I don't understand it. I don't want it. It doesn't come out much but when it does. I just don't care. I look in the mirror and there are these hateful eyes staring back-literally. And the more angry they are with me...rightly so, just makes me want to push them away more. And God forbid someone cries because of something I said I just want hurt them more. I just want to be alone. Don't want someone depending on me. Just fucking shut the door of the closet and stay there. No emotions. No guilt. No happiness. And then the emptiness just makes me feel worse. I am broken. God knows I'm reminded of that every day.
This kind of emotional turmoil can be stopped with meds
Best to you
Does your family understand enough to let you Go in the closet (well...), or another room or someplace for a while, until you calm down some? And get control of how you react to those feelings?
Dancingd may be on to something, too - some of the meds I have taken in the past have caused me to become Very angry if I don't take them Exactly right, so if I was late for a dose I would get Freaky.
Hugggggs -
MA :)
Maybe meds will help or maybe there is something you need to work out. Either way I hope you feel better.