Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I did the ultimate thing - the most painful for an introvert , bp , missed up person : I told my mom EVERY THING , about her tearing my flesh as a child , about my dad emotional abuse and him preferring my brother over me , about feeling trapped (by her) .
I did it not to feel better but to make her feel better - she has some sh** going on in her life - so I wanted to let her know it was not her fault that I act that way ............ I shouldn't have done that .
After a while she came and told me : yes ,I remember hurting you with my nails but that was not a big deal , you have no idea what parents do to their kids , it's not like I slapped you !! WHAT ?!
And also your dad loved you but you were such a hyperactive , all over the place kinda girl while your brother was so quiet ....... SO ITS MY FAULT !!
Not to mention the fact that she didn't talk about her trapping me , sexually discriminating between me and my brother , ......
It's not like I expected a good cry and a hug and stuff like : oh baby , I was wrong and I'll give you more freedom and sh** . But THIS !
The worst part is that after all of this she still thinks I treat her badly because I hate her not because of my personality and the crap in my life .....she left the room mumbling : why are u treating me like this ... She made me feel like it's my fault again !!!
This was my last resort , it failed miserably ... I actually wrote a list of what I wanted to say with steps and numbers and all .... This is how much difficult that was for me ....
I know she's not bright , doesn't read ,narrow-minded as f***....but does she have to be THAT stupid ?!
I feel trapped , guilty , hopeless , and scared that I'll be like her one day ...
I did it not to feel better but to make her feel better - she has some sh** going on in her life - so I wanted to let her know it was not her fault that I act that way ............ I shouldn't have done that .
After a while she came and told me : yes ,I remember hurting you with my nails but that was not a big deal , you have no idea what parents do to their kids , it's not like I slapped you !! WHAT ?!
And also your dad loved you but you were such a hyperactive , all over the place kinda girl while your brother was so quiet ....... SO ITS MY FAULT !!
Not to mention the fact that she didn't talk about her trapping me , sexually discriminating between me and my brother , ......
It's not like I expected a good cry and a hug and stuff like : oh baby , I was wrong and I'll give you more freedom and sh** . But THIS !
The worst part is that after all of this she still thinks I treat her badly because I hate her not because of my personality and the crap in my life .....she left the room mumbling : why are u treating me like this ... She made me feel like it's my fault again !!!
This was my last resort , it failed miserably ... I actually wrote a list of what I wanted to say with steps and numbers and all .... This is how much difficult that was for me ....
I know she's not bright , doesn't read ,narrow-minded as f***....but does she have to be THAT stupid ?!
I feel trapped , guilty , hopeless , and scared that I'll be like her one day ...
I'm not seeing my d*** Pdoc anymore , he always talks , never listens . I tell him something and he immediately objects like I'm making a big deal out of it .... He didn't live in my house fo 24 YEARS !!!! How dare he judge me .
Once again, I think this is a cultural issue within your family.
Your mother doesn't read...
Your brother has been the favorite.
Your Pdoc beliefs are a result of your culture and his training was probably the same.
I don't know how to help.
Can you get your hands on some Western feminist books ?
Something that celebrates women ?
I seriously doubt if you are going to get it from home.
You are going to have to re-create yourself on your own....find value in yourself as a woman
I wish you all the luck.
The Road Less Traveled
by M Scott Peck....is an overall book on self development and self affirmations
There is never a good excuse for abuse whether it be emotional/physical or sexual abuse.
Now it is a matter of what you do with an inner strength you may not fully appreciate yet. The changes that will benefit you will only come from you not them for they are in their own miserable mindset and behaviors.
It is so much easier for them to place blame on you than accept responsibility for their shortcomings are many. So with that only you can be responsible for your well being and validation.
Find a new pdoc and keep moving forward. Peace and wishing you the best.