Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
Today I put myself in the worst possible situation. I spent it with my mother and her husband who are very toxic people. I knew this going into it but I did it anyway. Last week I was uninvited to Thanksgiving dinner By them. And the reason was because I had a colonoscopy yesterday. My mother told me that there's no way I could come over to her house the day after I have had a colonoscopy because she thought I was going to poop and puke all over her house. She was so mean to me that I didn't speak to her for about two days. Up until today I honestly didn't think I was going to spend it with her. But I ended up doing it. I slept seven hours over there and got ridiculed about my diabetes. Her husband told me that I was going to lose my legs. All the while we were at the dinner table. He puts me down for everything. When I leave there I feel like driving my car into a tree. Everybody that I know tells me to just get them out of my life. I have limited the amount of time that I spend with them in general. But when it comes to holidays I feel guilty if I don't go. I should've just gone somewhere by myself but I didn't. And now tonight I'm feeling very bad about myself about my life. I just feel like an idiot. I don't feel like I can share this with my friends because I feel like I look really stupid because I know what the outcome is going to be and I still do it. I just don't know what to do. :(
I don't know if you're going to want this and I'm not trying to make this about me or my experiences, but... I feel that you might have to toughen up a little and not be self-conscious about your health issues.
I'm gonna share a little story with you that's very gross and very TMI, so if you don't want that don't mind me, just skip it, it won't offend me because I'm not sure talking about this with you is even the right thing to do, or will make you feel better, but... Damnit I will try.
Way back when, years ago, I used to be "poop shy" and I'd go days without using the restroom for fear of embarrassment. Well... This past summer, being in several different institutions I've kind of had to get over it quick.
Between full-fledged sobriety, IBS, and extreme constant stress for weeks, my typical IBS-related stomach fuckery decided to kick it up about a hundred notches... And it started while I was away from home. My most vivid memory of this is when I was awaiting transport on the last morning of my stay in the suicide watch ward, which...
Was basically *a* room of decent size, 5 beds, no windows, and towards the front of the room, near the exit (there was no door, only a security guard on post and red tape marking the parameters of my confinement for 72 hours) was the door to the bathroom.
Not having my usual rights or freedom and under supervision orders, I couldn't directly speak with my nurse, and she only came around every three hours or so. I was in DYING pain this particular day as I was pms'ing and again, stress cramping.
I asked the stuffy white guy security guard if I could borrow his pen so I could leave a note for the nurse asking to just wait for me for a second, and he said no, so I stressed the importance of me leaving her a note again, and he actually tossed a pen at me and scoffed 'Whatever.'
So finally I just said "I need to ask her to stay because if she's bringing me the pain medicine I requested, I desperately need it, and she's going to hear the shower water on and assume I'm showering, and leave. But I won't really be showering, it's just that my stomach issues are about to get so violent that I'm going to have to use the shower to clean myself off." (resources there were kind of limited, not like there were baby wipes or good-quality tp)
AND THEN HE HAS THE NERVE TO GO "Ok, now you're just over-reacting". But I had to just sort of take it, because what was I gonna do about it? I had zero rights in that moment, and that's sort of when my ego finally broke.
BUT ANYWHO even if you didn't like that story or find it helpful to know you're sort of... Not alone? The way your mother reacts to your health issues is called ableist (able ist) behavior. She has the privilege of either a. being able-bodied and healthy or b. at least not having the misfortune of dealing with YOUR specific brand of health issue(s).
Meaning that her views of your health problems are due to her ignorance of them, and so as a result, sadly, she seems to be acting very discriminatory of, and insensitive to you.
I'm not really that's good news or whatever, but what it does mean, and hopefully will help you understand, is that disgust and repulsion towards health issues (particularly those of the GI variety) is rooted in ableism, and is wrong, and you are not wrong, and you are also not an idiot.
But I do hope you find a healthier place to stay until you're in a better place, and you have my full support, and I don't think your problems are gross.
Like honestly would your mother (or anyone) be doing any better in your situation? -.- If you give somebody a strong enough laxative (like the kinds used before a colonoscopy procedure, which I've had too), the *same thing* is going to happen to them whether they're rich, poor. Glamorous, or out of style. Lots of friends, no friends. In the privacy of their own home, or at someone else's house, or in the middle of nowhere. Ultra-powerful medicines, unlike your folks, do not discriminate. Lol.
Without my sense of humor and appreciation of science, sometimes I think my health issues would break me. But you have to be strong! You have to view them for what they are, even if everyone else makes a big deal of them.
On top of the way I got treated, I had a HORRIBLE allergic reaction to their dog. It lasted almost three days :/.