Hi, Im 20 years old and was diagnosed with bipolar I disorder 2 and a half year ago, shortly after starting my last year at school. Since then ive been hospitalized 3 times ans always stayed between 4 and six monthes. Thatswhy i had to repeat the year 2 times. My problem is that this is my last chance to get my A-levels and i need them to study medicine or anything else... but right now im in a mixed state my mood changes several times a day. The Phases are extremly severy i dont want to fight them anymore to get through the day and to keep on living, there is no point in that it wont get better anyway (i have rapid cycling and symptoms never ease completle). Other only give me stupid hints like "we all have changes in mood" or "enjoy your manic episode" Nobody understands me, the people at school are laughing at me and i cant tell anybody, i lie to my psychiatrist because if i tell him about my suicidal thoughts he will hospitalize again and i cant finish school, but its getting worse every day, im so often close to finish everything, there is nothing that keeps alive anymore...it think its better to commit suicide right now rather than waiting till i fail my graduation and commit suicide afterwards...