Oh my dear Chelle. You sent me such a heartfelt and loving letter earlier today, I didn't even realize you were in such pain.

The obsessive thoughts sound really awful- is there any chance that it is post partum related? I thought that post partum psychosis could be dx'd in the first 2 years (sorry, don't remember how old your son is?) I know what a good and loving mother is, and know you would never hurt your son. Now might be the time to go to the hospital ER, just to get some peace of mind. Can your husband watch the kids while you go? If not, maybe a call to crisis is in order?

I hate that. And it sounds like you're doing all you can. Maybe you can double up on the therapy for awhile because there are things the meds aren't any good for. And it's my opinion that too many AP and AD meds will do more harm than good.
I hope you can get past this fear and be able to express your love again because I know that's who you really are.

Zany I think your son may have Autism is that correct ??? Thats not an easy thing to get over. Give yourself a break, you have a lot going on . You are a good mum and this feeling will pass. keep working with your therapist and it will help you .Keeping talking katie xx

Oh dear, I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this. You are such a good and decent person, please know that! I hope you can get some relief from this soon. Know that you are in my thoughts and that I'm sending you hugs and love.

Sympathy, very difficult to bear such crushing self talk :( Things do change..you don't know what waits around the corner so try not to totally lose hope xx

Hey Chelle, I've said before and I say here now that you are a good egg, you are a decent, genuine and worthwhile human being.

Ok, you are struggling right now. Get help and also, as much as you can, be kind to yourself.

All the best to you.

Hey Zany,

I so sorry to hear that you are feeling crummy. I hope you can get some relief from this soon. Please get some help as soon as possible.

Hugs,

Christa

Thoughts are not deeds you are so aware that hurting your darling boy would b wrong have faith in you to hold onto the love you have for him.

Zany I am so sorry to hear you go through so much agony, you are a beautiful person who is always here to support others in times of need. Like Tommy said maybe double up on your therapy appts and see if that will help.

Sending hugs of support and love,

((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))

I'm sorry Chelle, that I just now noticed this post. You're such a friendly person to so many here. I'm glad you reached out when you are in need of comforting and friendship. Please try to hang on. Things really could be better tomorrow. It's part of what we go through as BP's. (((Big Hugs)))

*hugs* from me, too - I think everyone had said it quite nicely. Try to trust that your friends here can see the person you are - even when you cannot.

:)

Thank all of you for your support. It was greatly needed and is greatly appreciated. I seem to be okay now. The thoughts have even become a distant memory for now. It's amazing. I think the hormonal flare-up of Mr. Monthly Visitor had a lot to do with it though I didn't know it at the time. Whew. I thought I was headed to the loony bin for sure with this one. Thanks again guys. Yall are the greatest!!

Your monthly visitor is a man? Figures. Men suck! :-)

LMAO. You so funny girl!!

i was also abused. therapy helps me immensely, as do mantras/affirmations. on the other hand, sometimes i have to remind myself that i am not the sum of what other people have done to me. i try very hard to see that aspect of my therapy as more of a 'weeding out the garden' than as a 'putting back together' sort of thing. i dunno if that will work for you, but the mind shift is this: instead of seeing myself as broken and possibly irreparably damaged, i see myself as whole, with a few weeds that need clearing away.

at any rate, despite your anxiety here, it sure sounds as if your true self as well as your ever-expanding love for your son will win out. it just shines through. i can't explain it.

much love and strength, beep.