I think that maybe a happy medium could be achieved if you aren't happy with your work and if it's really stressful I would think about something else sweetie

I don't think it needs to be all or nothing... if I'm reading this right..... Big hug.....xo

Yeah. But I am torn. The stress is dangerous to me, but the job gives me a reason to get up in the morning. It is what I need, but I hate it the same. I just wonder if it would be better to just drop out. Give up the job and everything else in favor of a free life.

I always have such a high-stress job, I handle weighty and important decisions. I really have no clew what I am doing and really just make it as I go but have a veneer of competence. I was so scared in the military as the operations we were doing were very dangerous. I never wanted anyone of my kids to get killed. If turned the wrong way once they would walk into a propeller blade that you can't see. I had two commit suicide that was under my command. The look of their mother to me still haunts me daily. I understand the high suicide level in my profession.

Maybe I just need to leave all of this behind and start fresh. My past weighs upon my soul.

The Grass is Always Greener.....

We always think that being on the other side things are simpler and won't affect us. But your not talking about completely checking out, right? You have to have an address to get that Pension check. And what about your wife, does she get written off also? Do you give her the house or do you see it for more stored away income? Because regardless if it's paid for, Houses cost money, i.e. upkeep, repairs, property taxes, utilities, etc. Where's all that money coming from?

If your homeless, you still have to have a place to stay, unless you're planning on catching a cardboard box on the street somewhere...not sure the wife would care for that lifestyle. Have you thought about that.

I've done it both ways, had the big house, 6 figure income, stressful Career, been homeless for a few weeks, that was pretty stressful too....which is why it only lasted a few weeks.

Finely settled on being completely Semi-retired, working for a much smaller company, that I run most of the time, all my skills are utilized, which is a big deal for me...the brain has to stay busy and challenged...or the BiPolar monsters tend to want to come out and play more. And only working 20 - 25 hours a week, some of that telecommuting, gives me plenty of time to Volunteer in the field I really enjoy being in. And I have plenty of time to travel between SC, VA and here in NC where I live, because I always have a 3 day weekend and twice a month a 4 day weekend.

You don't have to completely give up your life and think that all stress will be gone, its not life that causes what we deal with, its inside of you, always will be. You may need to adjust your life to be able to successfully live with the BiPolar, and if you can do that your one of the minority, the lucky few of us that have that liberty. I had to wait until my sons were grown and on their own before I could afford to downsize my life....but I knew that would be the deal when I had kids. I still have 1 in University that I partially support. But I'm not the kind of person who can completely "not work" either, I'll always work, doing something...if I don't my brain tends to explode. lol

Perhaps instead of figuring out how to completely check out of ordinary regulated life, you might figure out how to adjust your life to one that fits your needs better. Just a thought. You also have to give yourself time to experience life in a non-military environment, because its a very different thing than what your used to.

I have been thinking about becoming a monk when/if I get older. I may still do that. Not sure.

Chris you need to look at the requirements for Monkhood...not sure it's really up your ally my friend.

OlderPer - basically a moment of weakness and despair. I note that I am hitting those more of late. I was depressed for the past two weeks or so; eventually, I end up in this mode of looking for a new life. I have flights of fancy about leaving my current life or leaving life entirely. They are impractical, and as you point out, I pass one bag of troubles for another.

I am doing better. Have a new PCM that is going to give me the referrals that I need. So that is moving in the right direction. The prescriptions are good, and I have a 45 day supply.

For my current job, if they knew my history, they would freak the F-out. They would revoke my level of clearance in a heartbeat. Probably escort me off the base. Well, they don't know, and I feel no compunction about telling them, and they have not specifically ask.

Sorry about the past couple of posts. I get depressed and then generally get in trouble. You can always tell when my grammar goes into the toil that I am upset.

So still sad but doing better. Thanks for your thoughts and support

Ahh...so you revealed a tad bit of info...your still working on a military base. Do you think that causes you extra stress? Even though your technically retired from the military, your still immersed in the environment.....I imagine that has to have some triggers for you...

Just a thought.

Glad to hear your getting those Mental Health referrals.

I still am on a base and work a classified job in an undisclosed location. The people around me are the sort of get the job done type A persons. Basically killers all (not kidding).

My skill set is rather specialized, and when I retired, someone came to me with an offer shortly after that. Kinda nice. I wanted to do something else than military, but it is a job, and I didn't have to go through the hassle of finding a job. It sort of came to me without any work. Money is good but not at the orgasmic levels for a job that I turned down (250K). I would have to live in Sauda Arabia and I think the stress would be too much. Also, the wife didn't want me to go and listen to her as she is way smarter than me.

But yes, to your first question - I work in an area with a lot of stress. The stress is terrible for me, I know, but the stress also motivates me to be more than a coach sloth.

Triggers... yes there are some. Especially when they revolve around my PTSD. I hate those attacks are when I start to see things randomly. It is hard to explain, I hate the stress but need it. Look at this week - I billed 91.25 hours. Hours like what I did in the military.

I guess it is more of Want than Need. Need to ponder that. Is this a necessary want? For my entire work life, I have lived with great stress, long hours, and a lot of time away from home. I have been married for 25 years, I have missed nearly 8 of those years on deployments and mostly in combat zones. Not to mention those time, people were shooting at me... I mean, I'm a nice guy.

I was never happy when I was retired and unemployed. I felt cheap, worthless, and lazy. I've worked since I was 12, and I do not know anything else.