Bipolar Disorder Support Group
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I apologize, but there is no Hoarding support group on here.
As some of you may already know, I live in a house with my Mother, Grandmother and my 2 children. My Mother exhibits the criteria of a hoarder, although it's not to an unsanitary level as of yet. Still, I recognize this is a problem, and it's only going to get worse if she continues the path she's traveling.
I have tried to subtly address the issue a few times over the past few months, with no success. She makes light of the issue, knows that she has a "shopping problem", but doesn't acknowledge how big of a problem it really is. Yesterday I decided to get a little more blunt about it. I selected a few of the things that she has bought and/or kept that are completely unnecessary. (ex: a gallon sized paint can of cheese sauce, a box full of food that is expired or near expired that sits in front of the stove, blocking the use of the stove, the 4 different sets of canisters of which only one is being used) She avidly defended some of the things she bought, agreed that she should pick just one set of canisters (but said if she had to chose only 1, it would be the 1 incomplete set that hasn't been used in near a decade).
I have asked my Mother to reduce my rent so that I can save up to move out. She led me to believe that she could not afford to keep this house without my money, but I found out that is not true. When I addressed my terms (which were to reduce my rent by $300 per month for the next year) she, again, said she didn't think she could manage without the full $1000...I have been paying that much for about 5 months....for the use of 2 beds and a couch. There is no room for my (or my children's) possessions. None of us have our own bedrooms....and shortly before I gave my terms of reducing my rent or I will be forced to not pay anything and move out immediately, she tried to raise the amount I paid by $200-$300 per month.
I'm sorry this is so long, it doesn't cover even a fraction of everything going on in this house. I just want to know if there is anything else I can do, without causing some kind of complete nervous breakdown in my Mom. (She also got BP and ADD).
Any advice, that does not include "Move out', would be very helpful. Thank you!
As some of you may already know, I live in a house with my Mother, Grandmother and my 2 children. My Mother exhibits the criteria of a hoarder, although it's not to an unsanitary level as of yet. Still, I recognize this is a problem, and it's only going to get worse if she continues the path she's traveling.
I have tried to subtly address the issue a few times over the past few months, with no success. She makes light of the issue, knows that she has a "shopping problem", but doesn't acknowledge how big of a problem it really is. Yesterday I decided to get a little more blunt about it. I selected a few of the things that she has bought and/or kept that are completely unnecessary. (ex: a gallon sized paint can of cheese sauce, a box full of food that is expired or near expired that sits in front of the stove, blocking the use of the stove, the 4 different sets of canisters of which only one is being used) She avidly defended some of the things she bought, agreed that she should pick just one set of canisters (but said if she had to chose only 1, it would be the 1 incomplete set that hasn't been used in near a decade).
I have asked my Mother to reduce my rent so that I can save up to move out. She led me to believe that she could not afford to keep this house without my money, but I found out that is not true. When I addressed my terms (which were to reduce my rent by $300 per month for the next year) she, again, said she didn't think she could manage without the full $1000...I have been paying that much for about 5 months....for the use of 2 beds and a couch. There is no room for my (or my children's) possessions. None of us have our own bedrooms....and shortly before I gave my terms of reducing my rent or I will be forced to not pay anything and move out immediately, she tried to raise the amount I paid by $200-$300 per month.
I'm sorry this is so long, it doesn't cover even a fraction of everything going on in this house. I just want to know if there is anything else I can do, without causing some kind of complete nervous breakdown in my Mom. (She also got BP and ADD).
Any advice, that does not include "Move out', would be very helpful. Thank you!
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
The advice I'm looking for would be how to better make my Mom aware of how bad things are getting here.
I think the only way someone will really change is with a trauma. Now that does not mean something really terrible, it can be something small. For me it was the threat of loosing my therapist that got me to stay on my medication and the threat of loosing my home that got me to really work with my therapist to change.
Now sometimes the trauma has to be bigger, like for my best friend. She did not leave her abusive boyfriend until the jerk beat her son and put him in the hospital and tried to kill her.
I wish I could tell you that if you just talk to your mom about the situation enough that will change it, but it won't. She needs to do it on her own. She needs to figure out on her own that things are not working and seek help on her own. The only thing I could suggest is calling her therapist (if she has one) and letting him know what is going on.
In the mean time I suggest looking at all your options and coming up with a plan for just in case.
Sorry I could not be more helpful.
Do some investigating, surely a homeless shelter is not the answer.
If you can't move out, you're pretty much screwed.
There doesn't seem to be too much out there (on the web) that can be done about it.
This is a short and simple article which suggests that you won't have much luck with trying to 'reason' with a hoarder and tells a bit about the condition and mentions what seems to work best -- although even that doesn't amount to much:
http://www.npr.org/blogs/health/2011/05/02/135919186/-big-clean-out-is-no-cure-for-hoarding
Here's another site, that pretty much says the same stuff, but is a little more 'step-by-step' when it comes to telling you what to do.
http://www.harthosp.org/InstituteOfLiving/AnxietyDisordersCenter/CompulsiveHoarding/default.aspx
If you DO find a way to move, do it. You can't help your mother much by staying, and it would be much healthier for you and the kids to be somewhere else.
Does your mom have a good treatment plan in place?
Make sure that all her conditions are being addressed.
Sometimes, meds can help alleviate some of the hoarding symptoms.
Even if things aren't unsanitary yet, would 'the authorites' consider the house to be an unsafe environment for the children?
One of the things I read mentioned that sometimes motivation comes when they HAVE to do something or pay the consequences of not being in compliance with the law.
To me, though, that sounds like a stop-gag sort of approach. It may help reduce the symptoms, at least temporarily, but doesn't do anything that approaches actually improving the cause of the problem.
Good luck. You'll in one Hell of a pickle.
Very hard living conditions.
Take good care!! (((((Hugs)))))
It's a form of OCD and I imagine there is an OCD forum on here... perhaps calling her pdoc may be of help.. He/she wouldn't be able to talk about her to you but he may be willing to listen..
Other then calling the fire department to check for safety I don't think there is much you can do sweetie... huge hug of comfort for you..x