Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I have been diagnosed as having clinical depression with psychotic features but I am almost positive I am bipolar (which can also have psychotic features). I am trying to get help and I'm very frustrated with the results so far. I really am hoping to find some support on here because I'm feeling very lost and alone right now. Every year I get depressed around the end of October until about March. My whole life ends up in ruins and I alienate all of my friends. Sometimes I hear or see things that aren't there, sometimes I hear voices talking to me in my head. Then from March to October I have to play "catch up" and try to straighten it all out. When I'm feeling "okay" I have a tendency to overload myself with things to do and set goals that I should know I can't meet. I stop taking my medication (anti-depressants) often during this period. I usually also stop going to therapy because I feel better and have so much other stuff going on that I get annoyed and feel like it interferes with my life. Sometimes I feel "antsy" and get the urge to get up and just do everything. I start a whole bunch of projects and can't get any of them completed. Sometimes I feel like a whole different person, irritable, short-tempered, and overloaded with stress. Sometimes I feel so angry that I start to shiver, but it's for no reason at all. When I'm like that I stay away from everyone because I don't trust myself to be nice. My mom says she always knows when I call her and she's talking to "the wrong one". Other times I feel like "myself" and I'm happy, outgoing, fun to be around, bubbly, smart, and have goals and plans. I have been dealing with this my whole life. It has messed up everything. I have no friends, no job, and I hate it. I decided that I needed to find the courage to talk to someone about my issues instead of struggling to hide them all the time.
I had an appointment yesterday with a new clinic and was finally completely honest with someone about my issues. Although I was feeling fine at the time I spoke with them I quite obviously scared the young man I spoke with. He wanted to have me hospitalized and I'm a little traumatized, paranoid, and hesitant about what to do now. I am supposed to go back to these people on Friday for medication. I know that I'm not in crisis right now (my family helps by giving me their opinion so I know I'm not wrong here). I don't know if I trust these people to be able to help me when the man I saw yesterday told me he doesn't even know what's wrong with me although he "has an idea". He said that the professionals at the hospital would know better than he would. Am I being paranoid?
Also, I have a boyfriend, and we love each other very much. The problem is that he is completely frustrated by all of my issues and doesn't believe in mental illness.
I really just don't know what to do. I'm starting to feel a little better but I know that this will all just happen again if I don't go get some help anyway. I also have panic disorder with agoraphobia, and an OCD spectrum disorder that causes me to pick skin off my lips and cuticles. I live in a very rural area, should I try to go to the nearest city, or a specialist (is there one?) for this stuff? Do you think I might be bipolar? I don't know what to do, who to talk to. I need some help, advice, and support. Anything is appreciated. Thanks. :-)
I had an appointment yesterday with a new clinic and was finally completely honest with someone about my issues. Although I was feeling fine at the time I spoke with them I quite obviously scared the young man I spoke with. He wanted to have me hospitalized and I'm a little traumatized, paranoid, and hesitant about what to do now. I am supposed to go back to these people on Friday for medication. I know that I'm not in crisis right now (my family helps by giving me their opinion so I know I'm not wrong here). I don't know if I trust these people to be able to help me when the man I saw yesterday told me he doesn't even know what's wrong with me although he "has an idea". He said that the professionals at the hospital would know better than he would. Am I being paranoid?
Also, I have a boyfriend, and we love each other very much. The problem is that he is completely frustrated by all of my issues and doesn't believe in mental illness.
I really just don't know what to do. I'm starting to feel a little better but I know that this will all just happen again if I don't go get some help anyway. I also have panic disorder with agoraphobia, and an OCD spectrum disorder that causes me to pick skin off my lips and cuticles. I live in a very rural area, should I try to go to the nearest city, or a specialist (is there one?) for this stuff? Do you think I might be bipolar? I don't know what to do, who to talk to. I need some help, advice, and support. Anything is appreciated. Thanks. :-)
I reckon you should hear this new doctor out. He thinks he has an idea, maybe with a bit more time with you he will know for sure. I have been to the library today to get books on Bipolar. Maybe you could get some online books on it too.
Good luck and big hugs.
Now, about your boyfriend. He's completely frustrated by all of your issues . . . but he doesn't believe in mental illness? I don't get it. He's frustrated by all of your issues . . . but he doesn't think those issues exist? To what would he attribute them? To character defects or personal weaknesses? Does he think that you don't hear the voices that you say that you hear?
I'd say trade him in for a newer, more fully-featured model. : - ) He's going to have to support you. I can understand anyone getting frustrated by these issues, including those closest to us, but to maintain that there's no such thing as mental illness is to pretty much deny you support altogether.
Tell that boy that he's just a heartbeat away from a good old fashioned tar and feathering. There's just nothing like bringing southern hospitality up north! Seriously though, I do hope that you can get some relief soon. If you've been dealing with this your entire life you probably don't know how great it will be when you can get things under control. And you can do it with or without your boyfriend's help! : - )
On the boyfriend front I'm a bit hurt and very confused myself. We had a discussion last night. The first thing you should know is that bipolar actually runs in my boyfriend's family and I think that he is bipolar too. For some reason he won't admit that there is even a possibility that he might be. I think that he's so paranoid of being labelled that it has caused him to reject the existence of mental illness, if it doesn't exist then he can't have it. This really complicates things for me though. He has managed to get through life without medication or therapy (although I do think he would benefit from both) but I can't. I can't live like this, I can't function, and I'm sick of being broken. He won't look at any information about my issues. I think he figures if he ignores it that it will go away. I love him, and I know he loves me. I don't understand why he seems to think that this is only my issue to deal with and that I have to learn how to deal with myself. The idea is very hurtful for me and adds to my paranoia at times. It makes me feel like he can't possibly love me if he can't accept that I have these issues. And it scares me that I might develop psychotic features and he might not get me help because he's to stubborn to let go of his denial. I have joined online support groups and I can talk to my mother about it but that's all I've got right now. I wish I could find a way to make him see that support doesn't even mean he has to believe in all of it just be there for me. He just doesn't understand. He's told me that I'm lazy, and selfish, and that I just don't want to get a job. He's told me that if he can deal with his issues on his own I should be able to do the same thing and that I'm not trying hard enough. The whole reason I decided to seek help is because I know that my relationship will be ruined if I can't get this fixed. I know that it sounds like he is an insensitive jerk reading all of this, but he's actually very sweet and loving in all other areas. Any advice??