I feel like things are completely spiraling out of control. My thoughts are racing and my heart is pounding. I just want to binge (which I have never done before). I can't sit still and I am full of anxiety. I can't keep track of my money and all I want to do is go buy lots of food and then scarf it down. I am horribly fat but I can never do anything about it. I have so much homework I need to do but I can't focus on anything. My thoughts are going a mile a minute. Nothing is going fast enough for me. I have to go to work tonight and I don't know how I am going to get through. I can't believe I gave in and cut those two nights. I haven't done it since then but I feel so ashamed. I am so stupid. i got confused and ended up 20 minutes late to class today. What the hell. I can't do this. I just keep thinking I hate my life I hate my life. I feel like I am barely holding on. I want to curl up in bed and die. But I can't sit still long enough to even stay in bed. What is happening? I think I am going crazy. Why can't I ever just be okay. I talked to my roommate about all of this and ended up scaring the shit out of her. Why can't I just keep my mouth shut. I just kept talking and talking about it all and how screwed up my brain is. If no one is talking I feel like I have to keep talking. Omg. I can't do this.
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