I've been here before. before, someone would manage to talk me out of killing myself. not this time. last night my husband got mad at me for no reason and he isn't speaking to me today. I don't know why. My son has adhd and aspergers syndrome. He is extremely difficult. I have him on meds. and have tried so many things to get him to behave. nothing works. I've received much advice about how to handle him but none of it works.

last night I made a beautiful dinner for my family and this was the thanks I got. I made salmon with hollandaise for my husband and goth bbq like you get at a chinese restaurant for my son because he is mildly allergic to fish. with it I made baked potatoes and broccoli with garlic butter. I work my ass off on that dinner and they turn around and treat me like crap! my husband stopped speaking to me and my son wouldn't get up this morning until the last minute. he called me a bunch of names and threw a tantrum before he left for school. this happens with him almost everyday. this child causes me an insane amount of stress.

It's clear my family doesn't love me, they just use me. I have no place to go and I don't want to live on the street.

my whole life has been a disaster. The other kids hated me at school. My mom was an alchoholic so there was a lot of fighting at home. My marriage to my son's dad was terrible no my son is acting just like him.

I was a hard worker when I worked but that didn't make much difference to the bosses. they hated me anyway.

I've been abused by a lot of people so I don't trust them generally.

my health is failing. I've been exhausted all the time. It's been very hard for me to function.

nothing gets better. it's just the same thing everyday. I'm tired of doing this everyday.