Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
Guide for guys - Things I've learned about dealing with the fairer sex
OK - I have no clue about women, their motives, behavior, or what makes them tick, but I have learned through YEARS of trial and error (mostly error) a FEW ways to placate them or even please them, and would like to share what has worked for me.
This list is by no means all-inclusive, but just a few things that have worked for me. I invite you guys to share what works for you, and you ladies to check our stuff for accuracy, and add your own!
1. - Solving the toilet seat problem and the spatter/poor aim problem when urinating:
*** I just sit down for everything. IT'S INSIDE MY OWN HOUSE - NO OTHER GUYS CAN SEE! If I don't raise the seat, I don't have to remember to put it back down. And when urinating, I can't miss. To further eliminate spattering, I aim just above the waterline, and don't forcefully urinate. Also, in the seated position, support Mr. Happy to aim and keep his head out of the cold-ass water and away from the equally cold porcelain! IT HURTS LIKE HELL when that happens!!
2. - Flowers, jewelry, pretty things for NO REASON is the BEST!!, but NEVER, NEVER EVER forget a birthday, anniversary, or ANY special occasion for any reason. If you can't celebrate on the day of the occasion, a surprise celebration no more than a FEW DAYS EARLY is always better than having her bring it up again for the rest of your life. Further, even if you celebrate early, a card and flowers on the PROPER day are a GREAT way to show her you really care.
3. - Whenever you realize you screwed up (even if you don't KNOW you screwed up, she will tell you that you screwed up, and when she tells you that you screwed up, even of you don't THINK you screwed up, YOU SCREWED UP!!!) ALWAYS, at LEAST send "Asshole Flowers" with your sincere apology on the card. ("Asshole Flowers" are flowers with a card that says, "I'm Sorry baby, I was an asshole.") She may not even tell you outright that you screwed up, but if you are sleeping on the couch and don't know why, it's because YOU SCREWED UP!!
4. - The remote control. OK. We guys only THINK we own it. If you THINK you own the remote control, YOU SCREWED UP. See number 3.
5. - ALWAYS open ALL doors through which she will pass in your company, and when possible, SHE passes through that door first*. Period. Car doors, restaurant doors, the door to the house, the garage door, even ELECTRIC DOORS, Whether entering OR exiting ANYTHING. If there is a 'foyer' where you must pass two sets of doors, you must hold BOTH doors. If ever you fail to do this, YOU SCREWED UP. See number 3.
*The ONLY exception to the "She goes first" rule is when the door opens AWAY from the direction of travel, and you MUST pass through first to properly hold it open for her to pass.
6. - In a restaurant when seated at a table with chairs, seat her properly in the chair. If you are in a restaurant that has 'booths', that restaurant is not good enough. Find another restaurant. ESPECIALLY if you've given her "Asshole Flowers" within the past four to six weeks. If you screw THIS up, you will have to send more "Asshole Flowers", which will automatically reset the "Asshole Flowers Timer" for another four to six weeks.
7. - Whiskers in the sink - Just shave in the shower. Get a mirror that sticks to the wall with those new "Command Strips". Suction cops just don't suck. The mirror will eventually fall and break, taking you straight to SEVEN YEARS of number 3. To keep it from fogging up, wiping it with a thin film of shaving cream will do the trick. Command strips can be had at any Wal-Mart, and even some grocery stores. See a picture of what you are looking for here: http://is.gd/IitvNg
8. - Chick flicks - Play this one right, guys! Pop some corn. Keep a nice Chardonnay chilled in the fridge for such opportunities (remember the Boy Scout motto: "Always Prepared"). Cuddle up. Let her cry on your shoulder. Be there to comfort her. You don't even need to have a conversation. Whisper an "I love you" at an appropriate point in the movie. If you see something she reacts positively, You could make a mental note, and surprise her by doing that thing or similar for her in the future. You might sleep in the bedroom tonight. In fact, if you do a REALLY good job, you may BOTH wind up sleeping on the couch or even the living room floor!
9. - Help out around the house! Take out the trash whenever it's more than 3/4 full, or IMMEDIATELY after putting something in it that will putrefy
- If you don't LEAVE stuff lying around the house, you won't have to pick it up, and more importantly, SHE won't have to pick it up. As well, you won't catch the fallout, thereby avoiding number 3 before it happens.
- Learn to cook. Make her a candle-lit dinner at home. DO THE DISHES AFTERWARD! If you don't do the dishes, you will not only negate all that hard work of preparing the meal, it might just get you back to number 3.
- If you don't already know how, ask her to teach you how to operate the washer and dryer. Pay particular attention on the parts about "How to tell when the washing machine is finished" and "How to start the dryer". It only takes 45 seconds or less to move the clothes from the washer to the dryer and set it drying. Don't forget to check the lint screen.
- For military veterans, Iron and fold your own clothes. For non-veterans, LEARN HOW! If you don't know how to properly launder delicate items, or what to do with the weirdness of folding her stuff, don't worry. It's OK to let her do these things.
- **Helpful Hint**: Folding towels, washcloths, bed sheets, pillowcases, and other square or rectangular things are quite easy for us guys to wrap our heads around and also earn points for good behavior.
- If you are as laundry-sortingly-challenged as me, I have had very good results with this, from Wal-Mart: http://is.gd/x3id3p Staying away from number 3 makes the $50 investment MORE than worth it - (the EXACT same thing from Target is $88! http://is.gd/owzQ0L )
10. - Girls' Nights (at home or out) - NO BRAINER, guys! The thing that works best for me is just ask her to have them on Mondays. If they are going out, the restaurants are usually quiet and less populated, and you have the house to yourself or to have a "Guy's Night In" to watch the ball game. If she is hosting the Girls' night at home, meet the guys at one of their houses or the local sports bar. Working this out together lets her know the you are both on the same team, and cooperative in solving problems.
11. - These are all really little things that make huge payoffs in the long run for me.
- Violating too many of these things often enough will likely get you a one-way ticket on the A-train, non-stop, express, straight to number3.
- These "small steps for me" have truly been "Giant Leaps for MY ... ahem ... Mankind" off the couch and into the bedroom if done frequently enough.
OK - I have no clue about women, their motives, behavior, or what makes them tick, but I have learned through YEARS of trial and error (mostly error) a FEW ways to placate them or even please them, and would like to share what has worked for me.
This list is by no means all-inclusive, but just a few things that have worked for me. I invite you guys to share what works for you, and you ladies to check our stuff for accuracy, and add your own!
1. - Solving the toilet seat problem and the spatter/poor aim problem when urinating:
*** I just sit down for everything. IT'S INSIDE MY OWN HOUSE - NO OTHER GUYS CAN SEE! If I don't raise the seat, I don't have to remember to put it back down. And when urinating, I can't miss. To further eliminate spattering, I aim just above the waterline, and don't forcefully urinate. Also, in the seated position, support Mr. Happy to aim and keep his head out of the cold-ass water and away from the equally cold porcelain! IT HURTS LIKE HELL when that happens!!
2. - Flowers, jewelry, pretty things for NO REASON is the BEST!!, but NEVER, NEVER EVER forget a birthday, anniversary, or ANY special occasion for any reason. If you can't celebrate on the day of the occasion, a surprise celebration no more than a FEW DAYS EARLY is always better than having her bring it up again for the rest of your life. Further, even if you celebrate early, a card and flowers on the PROPER day are a GREAT way to show her you really care.
3. - Whenever you realize you screwed up (even if you don't KNOW you screwed up, she will tell you that you screwed up, and when she tells you that you screwed up, even of you don't THINK you screwed up, YOU SCREWED UP!!!) ALWAYS, at LEAST send "Asshole Flowers" with your sincere apology on the card. ("Asshole Flowers" are flowers with a card that says, "I'm Sorry baby, I was an asshole.") She may not even tell you outright that you screwed up, but if you are sleeping on the couch and don't know why, it's because YOU SCREWED UP!!
4. - The remote control. OK. We guys only THINK we own it. If you THINK you own the remote control, YOU SCREWED UP. See number 3.
5. - ALWAYS open ALL doors through which she will pass in your company, and when possible, SHE passes through that door first*. Period. Car doors, restaurant doors, the door to the house, the garage door, even ELECTRIC DOORS, Whether entering OR exiting ANYTHING. If there is a 'foyer' where you must pass two sets of doors, you must hold BOTH doors. If ever you fail to do this, YOU SCREWED UP. See number 3.
*The ONLY exception to the "She goes first" rule is when the door opens AWAY from the direction of travel, and you MUST pass through first to properly hold it open for her to pass.
6. - In a restaurant when seated at a table with chairs, seat her properly in the chair. If you are in a restaurant that has 'booths', that restaurant is not good enough. Find another restaurant. ESPECIALLY if you've given her "Asshole Flowers" within the past four to six weeks. If you screw THIS up, you will have to send more "Asshole Flowers", which will automatically reset the "Asshole Flowers Timer" for another four to six weeks.
7. - Whiskers in the sink - Just shave in the shower. Get a mirror that sticks to the wall with those new "Command Strips". Suction cops just don't suck. The mirror will eventually fall and break, taking you straight to SEVEN YEARS of number 3. To keep it from fogging up, wiping it with a thin film of shaving cream will do the trick. Command strips can be had at any Wal-Mart, and even some grocery stores. See a picture of what you are looking for here: http://is.gd/IitvNg
8. - Chick flicks - Play this one right, guys! Pop some corn. Keep a nice Chardonnay chilled in the fridge for such opportunities (remember the Boy Scout motto: "Always Prepared"). Cuddle up. Let her cry on your shoulder. Be there to comfort her. You don't even need to have a conversation. Whisper an "I love you" at an appropriate point in the movie. If you see something she reacts positively, You could make a mental note, and surprise her by doing that thing or similar for her in the future. You might sleep in the bedroom tonight. In fact, if you do a REALLY good job, you may BOTH wind up sleeping on the couch or even the living room floor!
9. - Help out around the house! Take out the trash whenever it's more than 3/4 full, or IMMEDIATELY after putting something in it that will putrefy
- If you don't LEAVE stuff lying around the house, you won't have to pick it up, and more importantly, SHE won't have to pick it up. As well, you won't catch the fallout, thereby avoiding number 3 before it happens.
- Learn to cook. Make her a candle-lit dinner at home. DO THE DISHES AFTERWARD! If you don't do the dishes, you will not only negate all that hard work of preparing the meal, it might just get you back to number 3.
- If you don't already know how, ask her to teach you how to operate the washer and dryer. Pay particular attention on the parts about "How to tell when the washing machine is finished" and "How to start the dryer". It only takes 45 seconds or less to move the clothes from the washer to the dryer and set it drying. Don't forget to check the lint screen.
- For military veterans, Iron and fold your own clothes. For non-veterans, LEARN HOW! If you don't know how to properly launder delicate items, or what to do with the weirdness of folding her stuff, don't worry. It's OK to let her do these things.
- **Helpful Hint**: Folding towels, washcloths, bed sheets, pillowcases, and other square or rectangular things are quite easy for us guys to wrap our heads around and also earn points for good behavior.
- If you are as laundry-sortingly-challenged as me, I have had very good results with this, from Wal-Mart: http://is.gd/x3id3p Staying away from number 3 makes the $50 investment MORE than worth it - (the EXACT same thing from Target is $88! http://is.gd/owzQ0L )
10. - Girls' Nights (at home or out) - NO BRAINER, guys! The thing that works best for me is just ask her to have them on Mondays. If they are going out, the restaurants are usually quiet and less populated, and you have the house to yourself or to have a "Guy's Night In" to watch the ball game. If she is hosting the Girls' night at home, meet the guys at one of their houses or the local sports bar. Working this out together lets her know the you are both on the same team, and cooperative in solving problems.
11. - These are all really little things that make huge payoffs in the long run for me.
- Violating too many of these things often enough will likely get you a one-way ticket on the A-train, non-stop, express, straight to number3.
- These "small steps for me" have truly been "Giant Leaps for MY ... ahem ... Mankind" off the couch and into the bedroom if done frequently enough.
These are just the things that have worked for ME.
If you have found that any of these DON'T work for you, feel free to point them out.
As well, if you have found something not listed here that DOES work for you, PLEASE tell us!
male/female, the cosmic flip of the coin, but the mind and soul is the same no matter what it's wrapped in.
I thought those guys were extinct!
JK I've got one locked up on the back porch ;)
You are funny, intelligent, witty and honest.
also, "Asshole Flowers!" LOL!
:)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pa14VNsdSYM
the opposite of it all hahahaha mmmiluvujimmyurineomfg