Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
Hello everyone!
My name is Sarah Jane. I have Bipolar II disorder, which I was diagnosed with while serving in the United States Air Force. That was in 2006, when I was severely cutting myself and thinking about suicide as the only way out. I had my deep depression days and those oh so wonderful manic ones that made the world fun and happy, and almost made the depression that I knew came next worth it.
I was put in the hospital for about a week while they figured out medication that worked for me. I ended up with Seroquel and Limictal. I also take Ambien for sleep. After my contract was up, and the military opted not to re-up me, I went home. One of the most devastating things that ever happened to me, because serving was my dream since I was 4 years old.
But life moves on and I got a night security job, and started school at UOP. I still suffered with cutting and mood swings when I didn't take my medication properly. I also started drinking a lot. Finally one day after cutting myself so bad, there was blood all over the floors and walls, I said NO MORE! All the bad things that happened, happened and I couldn't change them so I had to accept them and let them go. I couldn't keep doing this to myself, I didn't like who I had become.
So 23 February 2010, I prayed for hours until I found peace, I stopped cutting, even though I still wanted to, I quit drinking, I took my meds properly, and kept a journal to help me keep track of any changes. I also told myself that Bipolar is something I have, it is NOT who I am. I decided that I would look for the good things, to accept things as they came, make the best changes I could and to be a healthy, happy and safe person.
It was hard at first, hard not to let the moods and cutting get to me, hard not to just sit down and feel sorry. But I over came it, by finding other things, better things to do with my time. I started making jewelry, writing again, wood carving (which my the way is great for cutting desires, because you can carve the heck out of the wood and it's soothing). I started school full time, I made friends, worked hard.
Several months after getting healthier I met a man through some friends on Skype, we talked for a year before we met in person. I flew from New England to the Southwest to meet him for a week. That was in may of 2011, in August he flew out to meet my family and ask my parents to marry me. In October, of that year we got married.
He is my best friend, my companion, my strength, my shelter, he supports me, he helps me, he keeps me going. I never knew there could be such happiness in the world and such love. We just got our first house together, and are the proud owners of 4 cats and 3 puppies (not all of them were planned, but we are suckers for abandoned animals).
I mostly joined because I am currently working on going off my medication 100% because I want to get pregnant and have children with my husband. We are very excited but taking this slow so that we can watch my moods and if I start feeling like I need to cut again. I am currently on half meds, and will be for another 2 weeks, before going off completely. I refuse to be on any medication besides folic acid and vitamins while pregnant and breastfeeding because I want them to have the best chance in the world.
So far I have been feeling great, a little more energetic than I thought I would be, happy and positive. I am a little worried about falling into depression but right now I am working on cleaning the yard, brush and wood cutting, running with the puppies and getting the house together. All this physical activity is making me feel good.
I am a fairly open person who will answer just about any question asked of me, though I have a very strong Christian faith, I do not preach to others unless they first ask or talk about God, because forcing faith isn't faith. I love to be able to support others having a hard time, and to learn more about everything. I would love to talk to other women who have had Bipolar and had children, to learn what they went though so I can have an idea of what to look for.
Thank-you for you time
Sarah Jane
My name is Sarah Jane. I have Bipolar II disorder, which I was diagnosed with while serving in the United States Air Force. That was in 2006, when I was severely cutting myself and thinking about suicide as the only way out. I had my deep depression days and those oh so wonderful manic ones that made the world fun and happy, and almost made the depression that I knew came next worth it.
I was put in the hospital for about a week while they figured out medication that worked for me. I ended up with Seroquel and Limictal. I also take Ambien for sleep. After my contract was up, and the military opted not to re-up me, I went home. One of the most devastating things that ever happened to me, because serving was my dream since I was 4 years old.
But life moves on and I got a night security job, and started school at UOP. I still suffered with cutting and mood swings when I didn't take my medication properly. I also started drinking a lot. Finally one day after cutting myself so bad, there was blood all over the floors and walls, I said NO MORE! All the bad things that happened, happened and I couldn't change them so I had to accept them and let them go. I couldn't keep doing this to myself, I didn't like who I had become.
So 23 February 2010, I prayed for hours until I found peace, I stopped cutting, even though I still wanted to, I quit drinking, I took my meds properly, and kept a journal to help me keep track of any changes. I also told myself that Bipolar is something I have, it is NOT who I am. I decided that I would look for the good things, to accept things as they came, make the best changes I could and to be a healthy, happy and safe person.
It was hard at first, hard not to let the moods and cutting get to me, hard not to just sit down and feel sorry. But I over came it, by finding other things, better things to do with my time. I started making jewelry, writing again, wood carving (which my the way is great for cutting desires, because you can carve the heck out of the wood and it's soothing). I started school full time, I made friends, worked hard.
Several months after getting healthier I met a man through some friends on Skype, we talked for a year before we met in person. I flew from New England to the Southwest to meet him for a week. That was in may of 2011, in August he flew out to meet my family and ask my parents to marry me. In October, of that year we got married.
He is my best friend, my companion, my strength, my shelter, he supports me, he helps me, he keeps me going. I never knew there could be such happiness in the world and such love. We just got our first house together, and are the proud owners of 4 cats and 3 puppies (not all of them were planned, but we are suckers for abandoned animals).
I mostly joined because I am currently working on going off my medication 100% because I want to get pregnant and have children with my husband. We are very excited but taking this slow so that we can watch my moods and if I start feeling like I need to cut again. I am currently on half meds, and will be for another 2 weeks, before going off completely. I refuse to be on any medication besides folic acid and vitamins while pregnant and breastfeeding because I want them to have the best chance in the world.
So far I have been feeling great, a little more energetic than I thought I would be, happy and positive. I am a little worried about falling into depression but right now I am working on cleaning the yard, brush and wood cutting, running with the puppies and getting the house together. All this physical activity is making me feel good.
I am a fairly open person who will answer just about any question asked of me, though I have a very strong Christian faith, I do not preach to others unless they first ask or talk about God, because forcing faith isn't faith. I love to be able to support others having a hard time, and to learn more about everything. I would love to talk to other women who have had Bipolar and had children, to learn what they went though so I can have an idea of what to look for.
Thank-you for you time
Sarah Jane
Have you talked to your pdoc (psychiatrist) about it so that they wean you off instead of coming off cold turkey? I was very sick when I came off cold turkey. If you explain your reasons and you've been stable for a while, your doctor will probably support you as long as you agree to monitor things (so I've learned).
It sounds like you have a lot of awesome coping skills. I had to learn many of those in therapy.
Congratulations on your marriage and good luck on your journey to motherhood!
My husband and I working with my doctors to come off the meds, I go once a month to speak with them and check in. I really wanted to be off because some of the side effects my meds would have are horrifying. I have been very stable for the past two years and am lucky enough to have massive amount of family and friend support. My mom checks on my ever couple of days, asking all kinds of questions watching me, she then talks to my husband about how I am doing. My doctors have actually been very helpful, giving me lower dosage meds so that I can step down slowly and be monitored. When I first explained to my doctors they were surprised, but then we all came up with a several month long program to step down. Once I am off completely for a month, and if everything goes well, we will try, I am on BC until we make sure I can be stable enough without meds.
I also keep track of how I am feeling each day on a 1 - 10 scale (1 being depressed and 10 being manic, I record it and let my doctors know if I am not in my comfort zone which is 4 - 6)
I was to scared to ask for help so I had to take the crash course trial by fire coping skills, I lucked out that are working.
I am thinking that keeping physically active is helping me come off the meds as well, as long as I am doing something, the depression wont settle to much and I can work off the manic without hurting myself. My husband makes me stop every hour or two to get water and take a break when we are outside. He watching over me.
I have a very limited number of meds I can take that I don't react badly to, and most of the one I can take have side effects like no spine or delayed mental development. But we are taking this slowing with TONS of monitoring. I actually lowered all my meds one by one and not all at once. I learned a while back that just going off, makes all kinds of bad things happen. I was so out of control.
Thank you for your support. Again congrats on that baby boy, I hope everything keeps going great for you! and Thank you for responding, I am trying to get all the info I can.
I know that depression is chemical, but you could always try CBT or DBT if you do get depressed. It helped me when I was really bad due to hitting due dates for my babies that died - yes babies plural. Keeping busy tends to help me - as long as I don't do too much and get overwhelmed. For example, if I'm too depressed and it's hard to make plans with friends, I'll go to the library or a coffee shop to get out of the house and be around people. It helps me.
By the way, I didn't say it, but I came off medication before my first pregnancy cold turkey. It was the worst thing I've ever done. The good thing is my husband pays attention to my moods and clearly saw what was going on. He's good at catching my moods.
I used to do a mood diary too, but I stopped. I should probably do it again. My psychiatrist I have now doesn't need it, but my old one made me do it.
Meds suck! I have a lot of meds I can't take too so I understand. There are others that just don't work for me. I've been through so many.
I saw the premier department on perinatal psychiatry so it was helpful. I was hospitalized for severe depression in March and I found out I was pregnant in July. Depression is dangerous for a baby - it can lead to low birth weight and premature birth. It was important for me to stay healthy for the baby.
I tried breast feeding, but I couldn't for several reasons related to my son's health as well as mine. The perinatal psychiatrist told me to supplement even if I decided to breast feed because sleep is a big trigger for me and that I could have my husband help with the nighttime feedings that way. (Just something to think about for the future) I am not going to even attempt to breastfeed if we have another baby because I learned from pediatricians that there is a risk of apnea with one of the medications I'm on when it passes in breast milk.
Again - good luck. My son is waking from his nap!
Yeah I lucked out majorly with all my support. My husband really hates that I have to take meds, but understands, he is hoping I wont have to start again after the babies. I am a little worried about the pregnancy mood swings and the BP ones mixing, but I am hopeful that we can do it. I have been very positive, because we've had a lot of stress lately (new house, 3 puppies, snakes, scorpions, new washer flooding our boxes, work, bills and what nots) but I haven't felt depressed or like cutting.
I have no illusions that I will ever -stop- being bipolar, but for now I am hopeful, I am also kind of hopeful that after this, if I have to go back on the meds, they can give me a lower dose since I seem to be doing well on it now.
I am sorry about your babies, I wish I could hug you. Not something anyone wants to go through.
For now I am working hard at staying positive, sleeping and eating properly, staying on a schedule and watching my moods. I think if I keep a positive attitude though all this, I should be doing pretty good.
My triggers are usually being blamed for something I didn't do (I know how petty that sounds, but it triggers me really bad) and family problems I don't know how to handle. Those usually trigger my mania where I go cutting and abusive crazy (last time I took a display sword to my legs, it ended badly) followed by deep depression.
I am thankful for my husband and the pets. If it wasn't for them, having to make sure they are taken care of and watching me, it would take me longer to shake it. Every night I sit on the floor and play with the pups and tell my husband "this is my anti-depressant" , he laughs. Keeping myself from falling into that self-feeding wobble of swings is my toughest challenge.
I think my doctors have been extremely cooperative. When I told them I wanted to go off my meds to get pregnant they were surprised that I "wanted to do so soon after getting married" (its been two years, not sure how long I was suppose to wait). After that we went straight to work setting up the step down plan.
My primary is making me go for an ultra sound to make sure my ovarian cyst didn't cause any damage (last one was about the size of a baseball, the primary reason I am on BC) And to make sure that wont be a problem for me. Other than that when you get people to work with you, it's amazing.