Can you defer the semester so you can at least be at moms in maternity leave? You can bond and breast feed etc...

I understand you are trying to do what's best all around but I don't understand why you say you are giving up your child? Mom is helping and wouldn't you be able to go home weekends etc?

Maybe you could speak to your schools advisors and such to explore all options . Off campus housing and childcare help could be an option.

I wish you much luck and a healthy happy baby!

I know I'm not really giving him/her up but that's how it feels. I spoke to my course coordinator and he said to take the year off. I know I won't come back if I do that so that's not an option. I won't get to go home as often as I'd like cos of the distance and cost. What I'm hoping for is that the moms will be willing to consider letting us keep the baby here because the day-care on campus takes them from 3 mths upward. It's just kinda bugging me cos every time I think of something baby related I have to factor in being mostly absent for the first six months and it hurts.

Yeah I hear what you mean. It's not easy navigating it all but hopefully something can be worked out.

I can't pretend to know how you feel or how any women feels when in your situation.

So I hope you see I am just trying to brainstorm for alternatives and sincerely wish you well.

Completely different circumstances here, but I let my 1 1/2 year old go with her father "while I got on my feet" after our break up and I completely regret it.

I'm failing many classes because I'm away from my daughter and that feeds my depression and eats at my soul.

If I could turn back time, I would realize that I can go back to school when she goes to school around 5 years old. I can't work and go to school, I know that now. I tried to be that awesome, crazy mom that sleeps three hours so I can go to two jobs and get my degree but that's just not me. I am not super woman. I am a mental case that expects too much from herself and expects other people to understand the impossibilities of my existence when it's been damn near obvious my whole life that nobody can.

Just saying.

Those years don't come back. You don't get to put them off and recreate a milisecond. But school will always be there.

Not to mention breast feeding is the shizznit. I loved it.

PS I also had a "caring and compassionate" husband thing during the first year, so my support was strong, and even with strong support, that first year is unimaginably hard. Humbling, but hard.

I'm not really helpful. Just rambling. Sorry.

I have to say I agree with Tired. The earliest moments in a child's life cannot be repeated or rewound or relived. Maybe you could take some time off from uni, raise her/him as you so want to, and make a pledge with yourself to return to uni when s/he is old enough for you to feel comfortable leaving her/him with your mom or in day care. But of course, it's your choice. Those early years are just so precious! I want you to be able to experience them! ((((Hugs))))

I' trying to take some comfort in knowing that mum will have him/her for a month before the end of the first semester then I'll be home for two months then back in school for three more months and I'll be done with school and I can go right back to my child. But missing out on the better part of the first six months still worries me. I was told I can't take one semester off but I'm going to explain my situation and maybe they'll allow it then I can work the entire summer, get some money saved up, have the baby, spend all that time with him.her and head back to school and have him/her in day-care while I go to classes. And to think- I thought I did n't have the mommy gene.

And Tired, your circumstances might have been different but what you had to say was very helpful, thanks. I was actually toying with the idea of staying with him/her for at least the first year then coming back to school but if I can't imagine leaving now it's definitely gonna be worse when we really start bonding and fall into a routine.

I think that what ever you choose will be the right thing for you and your child. nothing is written in stone. if it does not feel right for you after a week or two then go be with your child and take a year off. You have support you can Finnish school and build a future now for yourself and your child and not have to split the time between school child work. ..........when you go home for vacation be the parent build the bond.........who says that bond is made because of the number of seconds you spend with someone? is it not the quality of those seconds? Is it not the time you spend parenting as the parent the mom. not the best friend who fly's in for an hour gives them cotton candy a pat on the head and fly s out to meet the next boy friend ot bff for a shopping date and the kid sits in front of the tv for hours until the next 10 min the mom has for them. ? Your heart will ach but you have support and a goal so that you can be with your child later when they learn to ride a bike or draw a picture in kindergarten for you and your not in class but home for him/her. I was adopted. My birth mother i meet she could not of raised me but growing up no matter what she did i always think in my heart as long as i knew she loved me and we bonded it would not matter if she just would of keep me.

Thank you so much KatLin:-)

I gather it is not a case of not seeing your child for those four months? you can visit there or your mom can visit you? Either way losing a couple of months then versus having to struggle through a whole year again makes a whole lot of sense. as kaitlin said so long as you love your child to bits that is what is important and no amount of distance can disturb that. Think of how much better you will feel with your qualification under your belt with the least stress possible. having to go to college, earn money and take care of a child is not easy. I would advise availing of your mother's help to care for her grandchild. that is what good families are there for. you are lucky to have her. Either way you have to do what feels right for you and the only thing really that I can say is that you can only make a provisional decision at this point because you cannot know how you will feel for sure until the time comes so keep all you options as open as you possibly can. Hugs to you.

I take it you haven't told B.F. yet? He will probably have some input and help to offer too in this situation. you are not alone in this.

I think you should finish school and then start the real parenting. You will need to pay for childcare and get a job with a baby. Better get that University Degree so you can get more than minimum wage. So sad that you have to leave him a bit, but he won't remember it. Also when I first got pregnant with my first child I kept a diary for her to read when she was old enough. I wrote letters to her everyday while I was pregnant. A journal of the journey so to speak. You can start writing letters or better still get a tape recorder and sing nursery rhymes and Christmas songs for the baby. They love it when they are 20 years old and think I was thoughtful to do it.

My bf knows and he's pretty bummed about the idea of missing out on those first few months too but I think he's all for the moms taking over til we're through with school. I think he's right. I just hope the separation doesn't affect me too much. I'd feel a lot better if my mum could come up right after the baby is born so I can keep him/her til I'm done with first semester so I can at least breast-feed for the first three months and have that time to bond and pour out as much love as I can. I'm going home in about three weeks and we'll get to really talk about it then. I think I'll do what you suggested, BB. Record stories and lullabies and such and make little videos.

I hesitate to add my experience because of the excellent advice here, and because...well my experience was perhaps on the far end of the mom spectrum. When my kid was born, I had no idea that the quality and depth of my love for him would be so intense. This was a new experience. When one hears about fierce mother love, this was it.

I am with spacekat...however there are many good ways to raise a child, and I support your choice iam.

How are you feeling these days?

Emotionally stable- yes, yes, YES! Lol. I haven't felt empty or anxious or depressed in a while and that's great. Physically have a few queasy moments, times when the nausea is so bad I can't eat but I'm working around that. My mum has finally got all grandmotherly on me. Lol. She's already started a baby clothes collection and checks in on me every day. That helps a lot with keeping me in an ok place. Bf doesn't seem to be hiding from it like it felt like he was doing earlier. He even makes jokes about my weight gain and is banning me from scary stuff. Cute. I just can't wait to get all the plans laid out, you know? This uncertainty does not sit well with me. I'm a planner. I make lists, I plan for stuff way in advance and when I can't plan I worry so now I'm sorta in worry-mode.