I gave advice to someone recently about how it's not healthy to become so dependent on someone else that without them you could not go on. That you would be doomed forever... never having joy. Isn't it soooo much easier giving advice than taking our own? hmmph We can easily get persepective when it's happening to someone else and we can see clearly different solutions to solving their problems so we give the most wonderful advice but when we're caught up in our own situations we can't see the trees for the forest or however that saying goes.

I don't know where to begin with this, sort of jumping in headfirst, so I'll see if I can sort my thoughts and hopefully find something helpful to share while googling. Although it'll seem redundent I hope to also get advice from people here in this group on how better to stay focussed and not get so dependent and attached on others including my mate.

I feel like I lost myself trying to gain love from outside of myself. I look in my mates eyes for acceptance and appreciation because I think I lack that in myself. I only see my faults when I look into my own eyes in the mirror. Or when I'm alone I feel like I want to curl up in bed and sleep until he comes home. I even tell him that I would not want to live if I didn't have him.

I have all this free time and space that other people might see as luxurious time to myself to do whatever I want to do but when I attempt to do anything I have guilt. I have all the excuses too. I guess I feel like I have low self worth for starters. I feel like I'm not good enough, not worth the love I should give to myself but wondering how I can love others so easily. If someone wanted my help I'd jump and be first in line. I have been like this for so long I don't know when it started. Not sure whether I can ever accept my flaws enough to feel worthy. [Maybe it's the tree falling theory some of the time] I'm trying to understand my lack of motivation to do things for myself that inside my heart I thoroughly enjoy such as painting.