Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I was just sitting here watching the documentary about Burning Man on Netflix and I started crying and feeling strong emotions, and I'm just like "It's just a bunch of hippies in the desert, what on earth...?" and the only reason I could think is that my brain made a subconscious connection to Marnie and how we're not friends anymore because she's dating my ex who fucked me up, and I'm still unhappy about that.
Like. Burning Man is basically a carnival/festival absurdist gathering out in the desert every year that basically is a (mostly) lawless week(?)-long rave with bonfires and at the end, they "burn" a wooden man with pyrotechnics.
And it's a big spiritual deal, kind of like, I dunno, Hemlockfest and Electric Daisy and other such events where people come for the "connectivity" aspect. It's something I wanted to do at one point, but not recently because I can't get on the whole 'peace and love' bandwagon, as there's so many flaws with that philosophy, but it's something Marnie would absolutely do, and she'd love it, and I'd have loved to have gone with her to something like that, at one point in time.
I guess basically I got really upset because my entire 'spiritual' 'human connectedness' community and all those people are wrapped up in my abuser, who introduced me to the concept, and I'm upset that I was introduced to the whole "vibes/energy" concept that way, and that it still isn't better, I still can't connect to those people, because he's still in that circle.
So essentially he/she/they all got the hippy-dippy soulmate Cinderella ending, and I lost 75% of my friend base and never see anyone, because I'd rather be alone than have friends I'm triggered by.
Most of my friends now are Atheists because any spiritual whatever can trigger me, and my "way out" of that whole negative vortex was to go in the opposite direction, and associate with only absolutely logical people.
But something is amiss. I don't have the sense of interconnectedness that I once did. But. !!! I don't want to go back to being in abusive personal relationships or glorifying flawed concepts and flawed people to get that back.
(Also I haven't gotten a period this month from stress. Yes, I'm absolutely sure I'm not pregnant.)
I messaged Marnie to say that I miss her. Whether that was a good decision or not, I can't be sure of.
Also I'm still sick. And that was a weird depression episode that I just had.
I talked through it with my best friend (now) some, he's an overtly rational type. I tried to cheer him up because I love him, and he only tries to help. He's prone to dwelling and negativity, and I didn't want to bring him down with me. I tried to lighten up, because his efforts to be there mean the world.
Like. Burning Man is basically a carnival/festival absurdist gathering out in the desert every year that basically is a (mostly) lawless week(?)-long rave with bonfires and at the end, they "burn" a wooden man with pyrotechnics.
And it's a big spiritual deal, kind of like, I dunno, Hemlockfest and Electric Daisy and other such events where people come for the "connectivity" aspect. It's something I wanted to do at one point, but not recently because I can't get on the whole 'peace and love' bandwagon, as there's so many flaws with that philosophy, but it's something Marnie would absolutely do, and she'd love it, and I'd have loved to have gone with her to something like that, at one point in time.
I guess basically I got really upset because my entire 'spiritual' 'human connectedness' community and all those people are wrapped up in my abuser, who introduced me to the concept, and I'm upset that I was introduced to the whole "vibes/energy" concept that way, and that it still isn't better, I still can't connect to those people, because he's still in that circle.
So essentially he/she/they all got the hippy-dippy soulmate Cinderella ending, and I lost 75% of my friend base and never see anyone, because I'd rather be alone than have friends I'm triggered by.
Most of my friends now are Atheists because any spiritual whatever can trigger me, and my "way out" of that whole negative vortex was to go in the opposite direction, and associate with only absolutely logical people.
But something is amiss. I don't have the sense of interconnectedness that I once did. But. !!! I don't want to go back to being in abusive personal relationships or glorifying flawed concepts and flawed people to get that back.
(Also I haven't gotten a period this month from stress. Yes, I'm absolutely sure I'm not pregnant.)
I messaged Marnie to say that I miss her. Whether that was a good decision or not, I can't be sure of.
Also I'm still sick. And that was a weird depression episode that I just had.
I talked through it with my best friend (now) some, he's an overtly rational type. I tried to cheer him up because I love him, and he only tries to help. He's prone to dwelling and negativity, and I didn't want to bring him down with me. I tried to lighten up, because his efforts to be there mean the world.
It's not necessary to mistrust everyone, just take care in choosing those to trust. In these circumstances, time is the healer.
It sounds like you want to be with more people who have like beliefs as you. Have you looked online for meetup groups under a topic you'd enjoy? There are people out there that would be worth getting to know.