Don't beat yourself up!! My moods have been cycling terribly lately, and I have used alcohol as a crutch. Its not the best tool, but one anyways. They can't get my damn meds straight, until then, I will use the alcohol when needed.

Hugs.

I struggle with cutting every day of my life and understand the need to do both tho for me alcohol is just a fun deversion. Dont beat yourself up we do way to much of that with this disease as it is

X-- I am in AA, but would NEVER preach to you. For some reason you felt that you didn't want to drink for 10 months, which is cool. Do you believe you have a problem with drinking that would make you want to check out an AA meeting? Some can be very cool. I go to a clothes optional one (kidding).

NOW, and this one is kinda serious. Do you take any medications for any problem? IF you do need to take medications, only then would I tell you not to drink. If you drink while taking meds, you might as well just throw the pills down the toilet becuase they are doing you no good. Drinking negates the pills. Good Luck, Kiddo.

I struggle terribly with alcoholism. I second on not beating yourself up. We always have relapses, it is part of the disease.

But you know how to be sober, you were sober for 10 months. Think of it as a lesson you walked away from. It may give you some perspective for a new start.

And now that you have been sober for so long and then took a drink, you know that it actually makes you feel like crap.

I would disagree with others that think alcohol helps every once in a while. Alcohol almost ALWAYS makes you more depressed and ALWAYS counteracts mood stabilizers. To me it is not a diversion but a roadblock to health and sanity.

If you in fact chose booze over cutting, I don't know what to say because I don't cut, just be careful you know how many that first drink leads to...

I 'quit' drinking a few years ago...not really because I had an addiction to it, but because of the meds I am on...I didn't think mixing them would be the best or smart thing to do. I think that it is strong of you to recognize you are having a hard time and maybe needed a different outlet...I don't think you did anything wrong, you can only take life one day at a time you know?? Don't beat yourself up for having a drink...but remember if you need to talk...we are here for you.

I haven't been drinking lately as it has only had negative consequences for me. But I went out this weekend (which I haven't done in ages)....actually had a really good time. But the depression that has followed it reminds me that it really is not worth it. I spent the last two days in bed, and feel like I have taken a few steps backwards. I understand your struggle (with both)....and the end result is usually worse than the instant gratification that they both provide.