Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
So today i spoke to my sister when i hadnt in a long time and she dug into my brain and asked me about everything and what has been going on with me over the last 6 months or so. I told her a lot of things that i have yet to tell any of my doctors. It has been hard for me to even express some things here in this group so i will try to put short when i spilled on her today.
I "finger spell". (i don't know the right term but this is what i call it.) This is something i do unconsciously when i am watching tv or a movie. The best way i can describe it, if you take all your fingers on one hand and write the letters of a word, each finger write a new letter, that is what i do if i hear something in the script that sticks in my head i spell it out on my fingers. I havent brought this up to any doctor, i am way too embarrassed. I really don't know why i do it.
All the twitches i have been having that are driving me crazy because they refuse to let me relax. I get jerked awake out of sleep. Sometimes the jerks will start in my face, my eye lid, my cheek muscle, and it feels like one whole side of my face is sagging for a moment. Its been happening a LOT, sometimes my entire torso will jerk forward.. it moves around, is accompanied by pins & needles.
Fainting and nearly-fainting in public. I get hot, dizzy, suddenly nauseous then it feels like fireworks are going off in my head, my knees get week and i have fallen, blacked out, woken up on the bathroom floor because i was just about to step into the shower. Sometimes i manage to sit down when it happens and my vision will go black during the attack of whatever it is and i don't lose consciousness completely. passing out is much less often thankfully but i still get a scare. this has happened while holding my 10 month old.
after everything she told me it really sounds like i'm having small seizures. her husband is epileptic. i'm really not sure what it is. i'll be seeing a rheumatologist in the next few months and she told me i need to see a neurologist and its possible im not bipolar at all. a little part of me thinks she might be right. i don't know. but it feels good to tell someone. i hope i can remember to save this so i can show my doctors, since i have problems getting it out at appointments.
I "finger spell". (i don't know the right term but this is what i call it.) This is something i do unconsciously when i am watching tv or a movie. The best way i can describe it, if you take all your fingers on one hand and write the letters of a word, each finger write a new letter, that is what i do if i hear something in the script that sticks in my head i spell it out on my fingers. I havent brought this up to any doctor, i am way too embarrassed. I really don't know why i do it.
All the twitches i have been having that are driving me crazy because they refuse to let me relax. I get jerked awake out of sleep. Sometimes the jerks will start in my face, my eye lid, my cheek muscle, and it feels like one whole side of my face is sagging for a moment. Its been happening a LOT, sometimes my entire torso will jerk forward.. it moves around, is accompanied by pins & needles.
Fainting and nearly-fainting in public. I get hot, dizzy, suddenly nauseous then it feels like fireworks are going off in my head, my knees get week and i have fallen, blacked out, woken up on the bathroom floor because i was just about to step into the shower. Sometimes i manage to sit down when it happens and my vision will go black during the attack of whatever it is and i don't lose consciousness completely. passing out is much less often thankfully but i still get a scare. this has happened while holding my 10 month old.
after everything she told me it really sounds like i'm having small seizures. her husband is epileptic. i'm really not sure what it is. i'll be seeing a rheumatologist in the next few months and she told me i need to see a neurologist and its possible im not bipolar at all. a little part of me thinks she might be right. i don't know. but it feels good to tell someone. i hope i can remember to save this so i can show my doctors, since i have problems getting it out at appointments.
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Mom and I have errands to run this morning. She said we can get sushi for lunch though. I go back to work today. What are you looking forward to this weekend?
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Quick, before the evil MONday gets here! Let's climb those mountains, dance in the meadows, dip our feet in the ocean....Okay, so most of us won't be doing any of That. Sadly. But today can still be a great day!The area behind our back fence is on an incline, with less than two feet on even ground at the top. I don't balance well enough for the incline, but our mower guy mows that...
First off, congrats on having the courage to talk to your sister and letting her know whats going on with you, I know that is not always easy.
It does sound like you have some things going on that your Dr. should know about, they can't properly diagnose and treat you if they don't know all that's happening.
The finger spelling can be a symptom of OCD, a repetitive motion that you always do during a certain activity that makes you feel safe or at peace.
The "Twitches" can be symptoms of many different physical or psychological issues, your Dr and do tests to find out exactly whats causing those.
As for the fainting. I have a seizure disorder myself and have Grand Mal Seizures. There are several different kind of Seizures:
Grand Mal Seizures: In this type of seizure, the patient loses consciousness and usually collapses. The loss of consciousness is followed by generalized body stiffening (called the "tonic" phase of the seizure) for 30 to 60 seconds, then by violent jerking (the "clonic" phase) for 30 to 60 seconds, after which the patient goes into a deep sleep (the "postictal" or after-seizure phase). During grand-mal seizures, injuries and accidents may occur, such as tongue biting and urinary incontinence. You generally know if you had a Grand Mal seizure, because you feel like you've been ran over by a Mac Truck.
Petit Mal Seizures (also known as Absence Seizures): The person will stop moving or talking and stare into space for a few seconds. Some muscle jerking and twitching may also occur. Once the seizure has passed the person recovers quickly and carries on with what they were doing with no memory of the episode. These seizures can occur occasionally or very frequently
Tonic Clonic Seizures: These seizures begin with the Clonic element of repetitive, rhythmic jerks that involve both sides of the body at the same time and then followed by the Tonic element of stiffening of the muscles.
If you think that your "Fainting" spells are actually seizures you need to get in with your Dr. to get evaluated. There are a couple of very easy tests that can tell the pretty quick whether or not your having seizures or whether your brain is primed to have seizures. If this is a possibility of whats happening to you, it's worth the hassle.
You could see your GP and get a reference to a Neurologist. I will say that Seizures don't have the same characteristics of someone who has BiPolar. Someone with a Seizure Disorder doesn't have Depression or Manic Episodes due to the Seizure Disorder. I've had BiPolar for 27 years and a Seizure Disorder for 15 years and once doesn't cancel the other out., unfortunately.
I hope that you get in with a good Neuro and get some answers to what's going on. and any time you'd like to talk, feel free to message me.
CP'er
A number of things you have said might also relate to being on the autism spectrum in that your fireworks and fainting tend to be in public and the finger spelling thing might also be a sign of autism.
Or these could be something totally different.
The other stuff worries me more.
In the early 90s my doctor thought I was having absence seizures. My wife would sometimes find me on the floor in our apartment, and I didn't know how I got there. We thought it was sleepwalking.
Then I started having symptoms of narcolepsy. I would fall asleep without realizing it with my face in a soup bowl during dinner with my mother-in-law, which was hard to explain. I fell asleep standing up at team meetings at work, I woke up when I hit the floor. Didn't last long at the job, I also fell asleep at my desk sometimes.
Sometimes I would have the "absence" episode without falling asleep. I got a job as a cashier, and one time after my shift I sat in the back room, trying to count out my drawer for an hour. They thought I was on drugs.
My doctor prescribed dexedrine, and I still fell asleep inappropriately. Sometimes with our toddler in a public space. Fortunately she was a savvy kid, nothing terrible ever happened.
I think they were extreme symptoms of Bipolar Disorder. I was very depressed at the time, especially when I couldn't work anymore, and I was not very happy with becoming Mr. Mom while my wife supported us, and that made her feel like less of a woman.
I had a few neurological workups that showed nothing unusual. After a few years, the symptoms went away, the disorganized thinking and the narcolepsy.
I did not have all the physical symptoms you describe. You definitely need a work-up.
It was brave to speak with your sister, also a good rehearsal for speaking with your doctor. Try to write it all down and bring it with you to the doctor's office. Or print out this page, since you already described it here.
I know we become scared when something BIG and unexplainable is happening to us. It's tempting to keep it private, pretend like it's not happening. Now that "the cat is out of the bag" follow up with your doctor. It might not be something dire and incurable. If you find the cause and treat it, that will greatly increase your quality of life.