You're making good decisions in spite of your moods. When things get overwhelming it's natural to focus inwards and feel that we're isolated. Don't let that keep you from looking for help from doctors and therapists and finding meds that will really help. Most of all your own determination to overcome, to survive will be of great help. You are not alone, you are among many who have had the same experience and overcome it. I wish you success.

Hi Liza. The good news is you are not alone. You might have to put up with some of my bad jokes but!

Seriously though I get a little of where you are coming from. Kind of a catch-22 situation, either way you are having trouble coping, crowds and alone. Were you diagnosed with agrophobia as well as BP (which I am guessing is where the depression is coming from)? What I mean is, are you getting help for this from your Dr's and carers?

Welcome Liza...... I'm glad you're reaching out for what you need and that you've found DS.... This is a great site and board...... You'll make some good friends here.....xo

Just keep working on yourself, learn to love yourself and work with your support team regularly (doctors/therapists/family/friends) Try finding some hobbies, do some art, write some poetry. Try going out and walk on some trails or something so you don't feel stuck in your home. And of coarse you can come here and write whats on your mind and talk with others :)

Thanks I never thought of agrophobia but it fits. And yes I will get my therapist more involved. I so appreciate the encouragement and advice

I look back in my work history and remember when I took the train to downtown Chicago for work. Ugh. I feel ya. Those crowded trains were horrible. I also think you are making the correct decision. Maybe take a little "you" time and regroup. Do you have any hobbies? Maybe you can turn a hobby into a small job? Just a thought. IMHO I would try and keep occupied a little. Sometimes when I feel bad, when I don't do anything..thats the worst. Then I just stew over whatever is making me depressed etc...

Good luck :-)

Time will heal you! Think about the good times. Don't let anybody get you down any more than you already are. Do what you need to make yourself feel ok. :)