I'm one of those "what if" type of people. I frequently worry about terrible things happening. Of coarse, this has happened sometime which is natural. Usually it's something I didn't expect.
With everything I've had to deal with in my life, I'm worried I'm not prepared for my future as well as I should(financially, having a plan for where I will go if and when I get old and can't take of myself). My life has been so stressful I think I'm worn out. I don't handle stress well anymore. I was also told this by my psychiatric nurse practitioner so I know it's true.

Today, I just feel paranoid something might happen. I'm afraid to let my son and his grandma see me crying because they might get frustrated with me. They aren't bipolar so I can see how it would be hard for them to understand.

I had increase my lithium around the end of Feb. with my pnp because it was my late husband's birthday and I was feeling very depressed. I took the higher dosage for a couple weeks and was feeling good so drop it down to taking the regular dosage every other day like I was told. I guess I was premature because about 3 days of that I became very depressed, again. I went back to the higher dosage a couple of days ago and now I'm just waiting to see if it works. I feel so stupid for thinking I was ready to go back to the regular dosage. I'm so afraid of felling this bad forever.
Also, it might be that I have entered a new stage of grieving for my husband. He passed away about a year and a half ago.
It seems I have no one to really comfort me. A nurturing type of person. my son will give me quick hugs. All the nurturing type people that I know live far away and my mom passed away when I was 23.
I've been feeling alone.
I'm not sure what is wrong but it's scary.