Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I'm coming from a recovering codependent. I'm posting here because today I'm feeling very lost and seek advice to keep me grounded...I feel like I've placed myself in a position out of love, for my son and caring that has drained me of my mental strength. I feel somewhat desperate to have the clarity to continue the direction, health/healing, I'm working to create in my life.
I've really worked hard for healthy boundaries. Yet at times, the old behaviors come 'creeping back' and I try to fix what is not mine to fix, worry about, or to change. Thinking that a lot has to do with bp dx and wanting to be understood, and be validated myself and the other persons needs as well...very hard with invisible illness. And the Golden Rule applies here too...how far should one go? extended to beyond mental limitations and falling because of wanting help myself and giving help to others? As a human being, I think this is natural.
When I'm in a confused state as I am now, I tend to numb myself, computer games. I can get lost for hours playing them, games are my addiction as they affect how I live my life. I slipped very badly Monday and Tuesday...2amM/4amT bed...woke today with brain fog and then went back to bed again until 1pm and good ole pbj is back as well as pj's and numbing. I really hate this, and beat myself to a pulp for once again, knowing what I'm doing is not health, yet do it anyway for a moment of not feeling...yet the after effects are so strong, I feel physically ill.
So tomorrow at iop I'll be talking about this 'slip' in my recovery from the hell of bp symptoms. The group is dual dx, so there are recovering addicts there along with mental wellness. I feel no sense of judgement in this group, so being honest with out shame of a slip is a place that heals, I believe.
Do you have a numbing technique that is unhealthy? If so could you please advise me how to stop...I've tried replacing with distraction and many other things...I'm aware "it gets me" when I'm at a low mental/physical energy point...
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
Sometimes I think it's good to have a distraction.... Something to take away pain and simply chill for a while.... I used to love Farmville....smile
Big kind to yourself.... If you feel like playing some games for a couple of days there's nothing wrong with that .... You seem to be well aware of what you're doing and that you don't want to get lost in game playing
I shut down and am not even aware of it and have done that for a long time... I don't know that, that's a good thing ... I can't afford therapy so it is what it is.... I also come to DS....... Big squishy hug....xo
"""Caretaking behavior for us codependents is our unconscious way of denying our own feelings and emotions. When we put all our focus and energy on rescuing others from their problems, we have the means to escape from and deny our own pain and problems. Unfortunately, what tends to happen after years of caretaking behavior is our own problems pile up and our lives become unmanageable.""""
Thinking I have done this with my son, due to his disability, and now I've not got "Him" to focus on or control...because codependents are 'trying to control by helping' and I continue to struggle with the empty nest...so I've now got coda/empty nest as well as bp to support my never ending mind ramblings.
Thanks Jan...very kind, yet, I am beyond a few random games...when something interferes with life as computer games do harm to mine and to my mind...ugh.....
Your on the right track, change takes time, and practice makes perfect.... As you already know from the practice we both understand intimately, I feel it's time to reflect as fast as you act so you can catch yourself in the moment and help others if it brings you happiness once you know you did all you can for yourself first... Your character shows the kind heart you have, don't let that change... Also don't let a deed go without a price unless it's love... Which cost nothing... Invest in love as those who love you will do the same, not require of you as if you owe them a favor now....
Sorry to ramble on, I'm trying to cope myself without fully accepting what fate has dealt me so far...
I was married for 24 yrs to my high school boyfriend, we'd been together since we were 16. I have 2 awesome sons who are compassionate, caring, giving members of their communities and I wouldn't trade them for anything. But I did divorce my husband finally after 20 years of his "functioning Alcoholic" behavior, his verbal abuse, physical abuse...he was not a happy drunk. And for 20 years I was convinced that I had to stay with him, that I couldn't make it on my own. Even though I was the breadwinner in the family....with all the medical stuff and bipolar stuff I let myself be convinced that staying with that Alcoholic and being blamed for his all day drinking, was better than leaving.
One day I looked around, woke up, opened my eyes and said, "What the hell are you doing this for?" So I left, and at the age of 42 I lived by myself for the first time, ever. It was so exhilarating and scary and fun and stressful...but it was the absolutely 100% the right thing to do.
The great thing about learned bad behaviors is they can be changed. You can turn negatives into positives. The best thing to do is find a few things that you like to do, that bring you joy or calm or peace of mind and do them. You don't need something to numb you, humans are not meant to be numb. We are meant to have feeling and emotions and to feel them. Sometimes when you have a Mood Disorder Mental Illness like BiPolar you get kind of tunnel visioned about "feeling", its like we think, "OMG I have this disease and I can't have any feelings or emotions or things will fall apart." The thing is, you're meant to feel, yes sometimes feelings do hurt, are scary and life does make us anxious at times....just like normies. Its not about finding something to make you numb, its about finding a balance of "okay these are feelings and emotions that I need to experience" and "wait this feels too hyped up or to down to fast".
When anxious or angry or to amped where you feel you need something to calm you do a relaxing activity. Journaling is an awesome tool, because it gets all the crap out of your head and on the paper. Learning some Breathing exercises, learning how to center yourself and focus on the inner spot inside you where calm and peace resides, it takes some practice but you can learn them.
As for the video games, video games aren't evil, but they need to be played in moderation. Both my boys were gamers, but they always had a limit as to how many hrs per day they could play. Set a limit for yourself, play your games for an hour or 2 a day, then go to a different activity that's more constructive. Do something with your son.
Personally I have the need to give back, I Volunteer, its rewarding, there's always a need and it can really help you center yourself by helping others. I Journal a lot, and draw and if my brain is running on a 100 mph loop that won't stop, I play Solitaire or Freecell over and over until my brain calms down. See my Pdoc actually prescribed those "video games".
I hope you continue to find yourself and find the path that your meant to be on.
Take care,
Kat
Much good counsel from the above replies....I too feel it is a matter of treating yourself well and not judging yourself. The online life has much to offer as its there 24/7 but balance is a something we all work on. It seems like you know what that is and when you have crossed the line....
Find a way to create a winners circle you can stand in....
my best to all....back in a few days
need to get my head screwed back on to my neck and shoulders :) ml