Hi DL....sorry to read you are having a hard time right now....no doubt you've got your own life experiences...throw in the world and the long winter months...this is what I do and this helps me to get a better perspective.

When not feeling either mentally or physically at my best,, I automatically can go into the worry or false thinking mode. I also usually don't have much energy or motivation to cook or eat healthy.

I do sincerely hope this is what you are experiencing 'in this moment' and that your next moments will find you shifting negative thoughts and worries out of your head....from my perspective, more times than not when I'm down not much that I'm thinking is true.....My Best To You~~

Hi MLR, thank you for your kind words.

Unfortunately to clarify I think what I am going through is maybe a bit more complex than that. I don't really understand it all. But to share....
Depression always makes me have low interest in food and low energy towards fixing it so I've always eaten less during depressions but I don't know if it has ever felt this difficult to eat and now my body is beginning to have a difficult time processing the food I do eat so I get full very quickly. All I've eaten today is half a poptart a few small pieces of candy and I'm barely even hungry.

Yesterday I woke up with a very strong thought/urge to make myself throw up. Didn't do it. And it was Totally out of the blue and I don't remember ever wanting to do that. It kinda hurts thinking things like this.

I've been working really hard during this depression to not relapse with a different harmful behavior, so I was thinking maybe this is just my brains way of communicating that those emotional needs are still not being met as I need them to be?! Its like maybe a replacement for the behavior I'm fighting,, maybe. I don't know I definitely didn't choose whatever is happening. I'm just struggling with low mood and also feeling invalidated by people around me and I'm just trying to hang on until I get the help I need. I've been doing a lot of writing and I joined a Zoom support group for people with bipolar disorder. Monday I am going to call to check in with this therapist I've been waiting to see.

Hugs to you hope you are well, thank you for being here for me.

Big hug Distracted...... An eating disorder has to do with control and what you can control.... It can end up basically an addiction

People usually see themselves as heavy even though they're usually way underweight

This can effect all of your organs eventually... Eating disorders are really serious

If you are starting to have problems with what you believe is an eating disorder I would talk to your pdoc right away

If you can't eat a lot right now perhaps get some drinks like Boost or Ensure ... Big hug... I hope that you get some answers and help soon.... xo

Though I have never dealt directly with an eating disorder, there are symptoms of BP mania that certainly affected appetite. Hypomania and mania tends to create a sensation in my own experiences of not feeling the need to eat. And I have to sort of make myself stay nourished. Whatever is happening in the brain at that moment, it’s as if my signal to prompt based on hunger disappears. Very strange. So after years, I know that a sudden change in appetite may mean an elevated mood and its a signal to watch out for.

On the other spectrum, when in depression, I do have to pay attention to emotional eating. Again, not an eating disorder but maintaining awareness of my general nutritional needs.

And of course, some medications can affect hunger triggers. It’s all something to discuss with doctors and/or therapist! I found meeting with a nutritionist at one point to be helpful.

Best wishes to you!
Yes, it’s been quiet lately. It used to be a really active place. But there are still a few floating around.

Yes, I spent 10 weeks in a hospital for ED. Your story sounds similar to mine, and in the hospital I met a lot of people who suffered from depression, bipolar disorder, OCD, etc. Sometimes ED has been a form of self-harm for me, sometimes it comes with mania because I'm moving so quickly I forget to eat. I voluntarily submitted to hospitalization after "bingeing" on a few berries and then trying to vomit for two days (sorry for potential triggers). There is definitely comorbidity. I've been pretty healthy regarding food for about ten years now, so feel free to hit me up if you want to talk more.