Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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dont know who i am anymore

tiggerinbrayton
tiggerinbrayton
Hello - this is my first day on the site and so first ever post. I am currently waiting for my assesment for bi polar which is next week but my gp seems pretty sure :-( . The problem I am finding is that i have been this way as long as i can remember and since the age of 16 I have been on and off anti depressants and going through times of utter stupidity or in the dark depth that has held me prisoner depression - now I know this assesment is going to raise questions so I have tried to prepare and am getting statements from friends and family about my extreme changes in behaviors.

As I go back through my past trying so hard to remember things it has made me so b mixed up as I know longer seem to know who I am. What is me and what is the illness?
tiggerinbrayton
tiggerinbrayton
Thank you so much for your comments. I guess I am just scared more than anything else. I have never knowingly met someone who has bi polar and i have found no one really to talk to. I have read so much that my brain hurts and I am trying to take on board advice like mood diary etc but if im honest I am not in the right frame of mind to do anything logically - my emotions are far too strong against me at the minute. :-( re the main board posting I will try but didn't know I hadn't put it on the main board so will have a better look at the site. I am sorry for sounding so negative and thanks again fir your kindness
deleted_user
deleted_user
Bipolar doesn't not define you, it can be a path to learning and repairing thing in you - if you chose it like that. I know being bipolar, let me learn many things, and am actually a much better wiser person, then before diagnoses.

What a great attitude! You have leaned into it and sound like there is a lot of acceptance and not railing against what is.

Tigger, attitude counts for soooo much!
tiggerinbrayton
tiggerinbrayton
Oh want so much to be better I truly do and will do almost anything I can to learn - I have so many questions about myself and to know i am not alone means so much. I wont ask specifics but if there are other people who blow up for no logical reason, have songs going round in their heads ot just sit and look at the computer screen not actually doing anything or not wanting to face the world at times its good to know that it might just not be me in the world
Autumn111269
Autumn111269
HI. I have not been on the sight for too long, month maybe, but you are in the right place for support. Everyone here has been great helping me to understand bipolar too. Weird thing is, Ive been diagnosed with it for 11 years but didn't know it until a severe manic episode a few weeks ago. My pdoc thinks I just blocked out the previous manic episodes and dwell on the depression. Either way what they are telling you is right. I was so scared at first that I would be this thing, this bipolar thing and everyone would look at me and just see that I was different. But guess what, they can't. I am still dealing with the mood swings pretty bad so I don't want to get too specific, but I know that when I had the depression, my attitude towards it is what helped me conquer it. Well, at least live with it. No matter what "diagnosis" they give you, it is only a term used to explain symptoms. It doesn't change you or who you are or whoever you ever want to be!!! Hang in there and stick with this site and you will learn a lot just like I'm doing!! Good luck!
deleted_user
deleted_user
This is also my first day on this site...but what I've learned over the years that you can't allow the bipolar to define you. You are who you are, good bad and all in between...hopefully you can find a good treatment team who can help support you when needed...