sorry , im venting a little. i just recieved a text message from someone i love so much. and it hurts my heart so much. i feel like im over flowing now. i want to cry , but i cant , i want to sleep , but to no avail. I want to just lay down and die. i feel like cutting myself but i cant do it. its childish and i feel ive grown out of it , as much as i want to see my blood right now i'll remain strong. i want to hug and hold someone . i want to smile again and mean it. Why can't this all end? I feel skinless. I feel so dead. The tears rise up , but then choke back down. I never thought it was possible to love someone so much. Just thinking about it is breaking my heart all over again. I know I can't pursue this , but does it have to hurt so much? I feel like I've lent out peices of my soul to everyone I've ever loved or cared about in my entire life , but she took the last one and without it I just can't be whole again.
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