hi all iv been sick for years on and off depression meds id take them when i was sick then come off them for the high thats when i was younger i had a breakdown when i was 16yrs and was on dizipam then it was hell coming off them then i was going crazy drug drink sleeping around cheating on my children father going to my children school thinking people was talking about me i was no good me and my children father had problem becouse i was cheating then i told him i cant help it i was leave him with the chilren going out not coming back till the next day where over now but i cant never stay with one person becouse of my thoughts thinking there cheating one min i want them then i dont becouse of my thinking i started drink to much lettting bad people in my life drug till i was drinking on my meds and had to detocs off the drink had another breakdown 3yrs ago i have bad anxiety panic attack depression i get ups and downs think bad of people i told my own daughter her bf was cheating on herr becouse he never come to see her for one nite i have bad thoughts about my sister thinking she hates me and always trying to do better than me becouse am sick i dont see my family becouse i think am no good i think am going crazy so days i cant go out some days becouse i dont want to see people i feel like am not from this planet am sorry for going on to you all i cant sleep becouse of the people talking to me or music over and over again i sleep all day and noy sleep at nite or just sleep i over eat then feel like crap then stop eating my mind am fight myself should you go out no yes no yes i walk in the street or town with my daughter and start doing mad things she laugh it off i get a high one min then the next am so down am on meds now but i feel hiper the do says i have bp now hes doent know if i have bd am on venlafaxine xl 150mg and seoquel 150mg night 150mg day iv stopped taking them in the day i just sleep and eat and getting fatter i like the highs i dont like the lows can anyone give me advice thank you