Big issues and big questions from such a young person!! :)

The right guy will have the attitude of "no matter what, we'll get through this."

Right now that needs to be your attitude. Get well. Work on yourself. Take your meds. Get into a recovery group. See your doc regularly. Put your life together.

Who can resist that?

I've made many mistakes and focused on wrong things. Really, my name here is not a mistake!!

So focus on the right things.

Worrying about being alone must be tough. We're here for you!!!

Best wishes
Cliff (I'm 48 and still alive!!)

I don't worry that I'm going to end up alone b/c I know its inevitable. I'm so damaged its not even funny. Most days I just hope I don't wake up

Listen to these great folks advice. You are still so young, yet. You have plenty of time worry about relationships. Now it's important to focus on your wellness. And believe me, regardless of your baggage, once you get in a healthier place, there is someone special out there for you. Many of us, myself included, had to kiss a lot of frogs before finding my princess. We've been together through thick and thin for 15 years now and are getting married in VT next month. But it took feeling better about myself - you can do it too!

No, I always set the bar for men very low. I chose the ones I felt I as a self hating person deserved.

Plus I had been in love before and it really hurts when it ends.

I even married a man I wasn't "In love with". I thought if I made a choice based on his qualities and not love I'd be safer.

Wrong! You do need love in a marriage for when you go through the rough times. I love him now.

I had several people try to set me up with "decent guys", but I didn't think I deserved them.

I even had a few decent guys ask me out. None of them worked out for various reasons-mainly my low self esteem.

I look at it two ways:

You can get married, be in love and have the fear of them dying before you after spending 65yrs. of marriage like my grandparents in-laws

Or you can not get married and forever fear you missed out on something.

To be honest the first one scares me more than the second now that I have been married 15yrs.

You are waaaay to young to be worrying about that. And everyone is flawed- EVERY ONE. I didn't get married til I was 39, so don't be in a rush to worry. I still worry about that. I do have self esteem issues as well as being bi polar and a barely sober alcoholic. My husband is 10 years younger than me, so it's always in the back of my head that he'll trade me in for a newer model some day (AKA Trophy wife). By then, men will probably want younger women than me, but I'm no longer afraid. Life is what is and being without a man isn't the end of the world. You can bond with your friends that you have a lifetime to nourish. I have very few true blue friends- about 3- but that's all it takes plus my family to feel loved. I agree about going to a therapist if you can afford it and check out some "self help" books about your self esteem. When I was your age, I used to be terrified that I'd end up a bag lady living in a box some where. I don't know how that thought crept into my head, but it was there for YEARS. Now I know that it was just a bad thought robbing me from my "now". If you look and act confident, you eventually will be. This is coming from a person who never felt pretty enough, good enough, etc. When you get older, your attitude changes- you stop obsessing about what other people think and just be you cool unique self!
peace-J

Hun, anything is possible....
I have Bipolar, I have struggled with anorexia, bulemia, binge eating, cutting, I have been raped, tried committing suicide three times, been divorced, had an abusive ex husband, an abusive childhood, suffer with insomnia and a basket of "luggage."
And hun, anything is possible.....but the first step is loving and accepting yourself for WHO YOU ARE and what you want in life.......after that life tends to fall into place....sounds easier than it actually is, but life has its ups and downs, the main thing is to push forward and LOVE YOU because in the end babe, you are all you got.... XOXO, added you as a friend, if you ever wanna chat.....

DON"T SETTLE!

I felt the same way at your age, and I feel so silly now for worrying so much about finding a man. I totally agree with reply#1. Work on yourself for now. I know it is hard feeling lonely, but when you find yourself, you won't feel so lonely and desperate anymore.

Plus, you are beautiful, and I bet you have a great personality. I have a lot of baggage as well, but I still had men clambering to date me in college when I was 24. My husband claims I'm "nuttier than squirrel shit" but that makes him even more attracted to me!

I guess some men like a challenge, and you too will find the right one. You are so young... please don't miss out on all the fun of young adulthood by worrying about men. Work on yourself, and when you find your self-esteem, you will be ready, and they will be knocking your door down in line to date you!

Alice

Hey Allie, yup, we've all got flaws. Cliff said a few good things there. Don't stress about being alone, just try to live a good life, have fun and take baby steps to make yourself better. The right guy will come around.

Oh, and if I were 19, 20 or 21, I'd think you were cute. I guess you and I are in the same boat. Laugh, now if I could just find a woman around my age who likes hiking, home remodeling, cooking...