Well, someone I trusted very much did something very unexpected and it took me back to a point where I wanted to hurt myself and then yes...at that point I wanted to die! I almost did die! I am a walking, talking miracle..so the doctors say. It CAN be entirely dependent on environmental issues. You are not a counselor and you cannot say that this is true just bc it is true for YOU!!!!

I make no claim to be a counselor and don't claim to be. the reason I ask if you feel the same if because I seek to understand others with this same affliction.

ok, I see a point. as an amendment then, I would like to say for ME it isn't entirely dependent on environmental issues.

Looks like you've shaven part of the top of your head or your forehead is wider.

I might be wrong, but I think this is feelings of remorse you are feeling.

Is it ?

I hurt a friend one time. Not deliberatly but she wouldn't listen to me and not even think about forgivness.

I didn't want to hurt myself but I wanted to just get out of town and away from the reality of it. We where able to talk eventually about casual things but the pain was still there and nothing would be the same in our friendship.

It took me a lond time to get over it but due the fact I new it wasn't something vicious I did to hurt her and she would not even open up to listen I came to terms with that being her choice and moved on. I did learn from it and careful about things I say that don't seem like much to me but to someone else their perspective is totally different.

I have found that the "desire" to hurt myself is usually triggered by being hurt deeply by someone by deed or complete rejections, or hurt so much I become angry. I explored these feelings quite a bit because I felt like taking my life for quite some time. It took talking about them with a friend who can keep a level head and not a counselor who might have me put in hospital.

It took me awhile to nail down my triggers and I was able to handle them much better after that and using REBT..."if ___ doesn't love me, it is unfortunate but it isn't the end of the world."

One other thing that triggers me is loneliness. At times, the only thing that has kept me here is the question of who would take good care of my animals? I think my family would just take them to shelters, possibly even my mother's dog and that was as silly as it may sound, like holding on for my children since I don't have any children.

about a month ago I had a falling out with one of my favorite DS members and I felt lost, bad pun... then a few days ago I messaged her and she responded, in a sweet way! I was so happy about her response... I don't know what the future holds for us, if we will be Friends again, but I am glad we are talking...


... anyway, it is difficult, still, for me, sometimes to distinguish my feelings... I was down about this falling out, but then I am still down... I think the down is a thing that was lurking and really does not have anything to do with the enviromental cause, at least in this situation...of course it very much is a contributing factor sometimes

BP moods are a curious thing, esp if you rapid cycle, who knows... round and round I go, where I will land, nobody knows...

Daggy, are you asking if I feel remorse? With out a doubt I'm that's in there, but it goes much deeper than that. Were I in a more self loathing stage, I'm sure I would be in serious need of help. I believe my creativity level is a sign as to my over all mood as well because when I stuck in that hole I can't really create anything.

For me, I think it's about half and half. Sometimes depression just pops in and takes control for no apparent reason whatsoever.
But the other half of the time, there is clearly a cause. Sometimes it starts because someone close to me is depressed (very contagious). Most times it's guilt, shame, and feelings of worthlessness, triggered by something I did or by what others think of me.
The depression itself is the way that I am hurting myself. Or dealing out self punishment

I agree that environmental issues affect our moods but aren't the whole picture. I too have been through periods where I wanted to die and ended up totally incapacitated. These were not always related to other stuff that was happening in my life. I think it has more to do with the fact that BP is cyclical in nature and sometimes when you are going through bad stuff it coincides with a downward spiral in the illness. Don't know your particular situation but perhaps the other factor is that you hurt the person not the other way round. It's usually emotionally harder to be the rejected than the rejecter. Examples I can relate are when my father died, I did not become depressed ( I loved him very much and felt his loss deeply). When I decided to separate from my husband and get divorced I did not become depressed either. However, one of my really serious depressive episodes coincided with a relationship breakup and the loss of a baby. I think the key to understanding it is that despite our common diagnosis we are all individuals.

#9

Whatever you feel, you cannot make someone else react in such a way to alleviate these feelings.

Relationship and emotional issues are the biggest factor (IMO) that affect mood change for Bipolars and cause the most trouble, because we are a sensitive lot regardless of how hard our outer armour is.