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I feel so sad and almost heart-broken honestly.
Remember the girl who used to be my best friend, and then she began to date my emotionally-abusive ex and it tore our friendship apart? Probably not. Oh well, that was the jist of it. We were like soul sisters for a year before that, by the way.
So recently (as in 1-2 months ago) I wrote her this huge-long apology/platonic love letter over a facebook message, explaining that I was worry if I ever made her feel like her love (for my ex) is wrong, just because it hurts me, and telling her how proud I was of her that she quit believing in hippie bullshit and started embracing progressive ideologies, and that it was so brave of her because I saw her lose popularity because she stood up for what she knew was right, and basically that I'd been watching her grow from afar and was proud. And also had missed her terribly and took our friendship for granted. I FELT everything I wrote so much that it brought me to tears.
And I added a footnote saying that she didn't have to reply right away because I know feeling obliged to respond to people gives her anxiety.
But the thing is, she didn't respond at all. At. All. Not even a quick "I didn't have time to emotionally invest in this but I still appreciate the thought you put into this."
And now she's back-pedalling sooooooo hard. She wants dreads and she's white and just.... she knows damn well what cultural appropriation is and how badly it bothers me, and she STARTED TO REALIZE THAT IT'S *NOT RIGHT, but she doesn't care because she knows my ex doesn't give a fuck and thinks people are morons for being so bothered by it.
*(to save space, I'm not explaining cultural appropriation, but Google's always there, if you're unaware.)
And she wants to impress him I guess,
And also she's going back to posting and "sharing" (on facebook) things about "Watch feminism get destroyed by logic!" which is hurtful and rude because feminism is not against men in any way, and again, she's smarter than that, she does it to impress him, because she's admitted it herself before.
In the collective feminist/progressive community, a ruder term for girls like that would be "traitor", when a girl specifically antagonizes feminism just to be ~down with da boys~, and I see her doing this, and it's so gross to me.
How do I not be so bothered by someone's personal beliefs?????????????
It gets to me every time! It triggers me every time! Especially when I see someone I used to respect, embracing politics I consider highly offensive and un-respectable, even though I guess most people would consider her views kind of in-the-middle and modest.
I fucking can't stand her, now, and I feel like a dumb-ass for pouring out my heart and soul and telling her how proud I was, only to be coldly and indefinitely ignored, and to be proven wrong.
Honestly I think I just keep her on my facebook page to cringe-watch her posts. That sounds terrible, doesn't it? It's like a trainwreck. It's so awful and hurtful but I can't.... look away, specifically because it's terrible.
It took me years, but I finally deleted my ex off of my facebook (well, he deleted me, but I didn't make a fuss of it and was kind of glad) and don't really have any desire to add him back, maybe one day I'll finally reach that point with her, but I just don't know what it's gonna take.
Remember the girl who used to be my best friend, and then she began to date my emotionally-abusive ex and it tore our friendship apart? Probably not. Oh well, that was the jist of it. We were like soul sisters for a year before that, by the way.
So recently (as in 1-2 months ago) I wrote her this huge-long apology/platonic love letter over a facebook message, explaining that I was worry if I ever made her feel like her love (for my ex) is wrong, just because it hurts me, and telling her how proud I was of her that she quit believing in hippie bullshit and started embracing progressive ideologies, and that it was so brave of her because I saw her lose popularity because she stood up for what she knew was right, and basically that I'd been watching her grow from afar and was proud. And also had missed her terribly and took our friendship for granted. I FELT everything I wrote so much that it brought me to tears.
And I added a footnote saying that she didn't have to reply right away because I know feeling obliged to respond to people gives her anxiety.
But the thing is, she didn't respond at all. At. All. Not even a quick "I didn't have time to emotionally invest in this but I still appreciate the thought you put into this."
And now she's back-pedalling sooooooo hard. She wants dreads and she's white and just.... she knows damn well what cultural appropriation is and how badly it bothers me, and she STARTED TO REALIZE THAT IT'S *NOT RIGHT, but she doesn't care because she knows my ex doesn't give a fuck and thinks people are morons for being so bothered by it.
*(to save space, I'm not explaining cultural appropriation, but Google's always there, if you're unaware.)
And she wants to impress him I guess,
And also she's going back to posting and "sharing" (on facebook) things about "Watch feminism get destroyed by logic!" which is hurtful and rude because feminism is not against men in any way, and again, she's smarter than that, she does it to impress him, because she's admitted it herself before.
In the collective feminist/progressive community, a ruder term for girls like that would be "traitor", when a girl specifically antagonizes feminism just to be ~down with da boys~, and I see her doing this, and it's so gross to me.
How do I not be so bothered by someone's personal beliefs?????????????
It gets to me every time! It triggers me every time! Especially when I see someone I used to respect, embracing politics I consider highly offensive and un-respectable, even though I guess most people would consider her views kind of in-the-middle and modest.
I fucking can't stand her, now, and I feel like a dumb-ass for pouring out my heart and soul and telling her how proud I was, only to be coldly and indefinitely ignored, and to be proven wrong.
Honestly I think I just keep her on my facebook page to cringe-watch her posts. That sounds terrible, doesn't it? It's like a trainwreck. It's so awful and hurtful but I can't.... look away, specifically because it's terrible.
It took me years, but I finally deleted my ex off of my facebook (well, he deleted me, but I didn't make a fuss of it and was kind of glad) and don't really have any desire to add him back, maybe one day I'll finally reach that point with her, but I just don't know what it's gonna take.
lol
It sounds like you need to just let it go and save yourself the pain and frustration. You wrote her a FB msg saying it was okay being with your ex, but now your basically saying, "wait it does bother me, stop it!"
So to save you the hurt and confusion you need to just tell them both by and get on with your life and not worry about what they do with theirs....to each his own.....you don't control what they do.
You need to worry about you and your health and the control of your BP and being as stable as possible.
As for white people with dreads, ehh. You can't say there's nothing wrong with it. You can say, "In my opinion, there's nothing wrong with it." Just like I can't say "It's wrong" as though my opinion were fact. It's my opinion, even though I have reasons, and many, many, many people share that opinion with me.
So, let's not turn this into a debate, because I specifically said I wasn't going to do that with this post, because I know that there are a lot of people who don't see anything even a little bit ethically questionable about it, and I can't change that, and I don't intend to engage in rhetorical debates with the intention of changing peoples' opinions.
I know that. I know what I "should" do, and I don't seek to be controlling or to micro-manage another's life. You're throwing logic at me, when I stated that this was an emotional issue.
I also know that I ought to be worried about my stability, which, of course I am. It's clear to see in my other posts, that I'm worried about my own mental health. Worrying about what somebody else goes around doing and worrying about myself are not mutually exclusive; I can do both. I think what you mean to say, is that I should mind my own business.
Let me clarify once again. I know. I can recognize the "solution" to all this on an intellectual level, but feeling hurt and disappointed aren't necessarily remedied by logic.
But I did ask for opinions on what to do so uh, thanks for your input, I guess. (Sorry I seem kinda ehhh, I felt mild hostility in that. But it's fine, don't worry about it.)
The whole point of this post was to admit that I have sensitivity towards perceived offense, and I'm wondering what emotional work or philosophical reasoning must be done in order to reduce that knee-jerk reaction that I predictably feel every time.
It's really hard to see a friend change her fundamental beliefs because of a guy. Been there!