Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
It's funny, I come on here when I'm feeling desperate for help and have no one to turn to. Each time I come on here I see the same status that I put up a long while ago "I'm an idiot!" I never change it because whenever I come on here it seems to fit where I'm at.
Last night I suffered through heart break and lonliness.
I know this is because of a certain man who I'm in love with but all he wants to do is use me...for sex none the less! And sex is a sensitive subject for me because I've been raped and taken advantage of so many times. I have been raped 3 times due to being unstable and yes it was the real thing. After I was raped the first time I had a feeling of low self worthiness and I had meaningless sex sometimes and it was horrible.
I agreed to see this man because he was in town. I convinced myself that I was into just having sex for no reason...only I wanted him because I'm in love with him. I changed my mind at the end of thanksgiving holiday but no matter...... he never called after we made plans. I'm still waiting to hear from him...UGH
Last night when I was feeling so rotten about him and everything I was also feeling down because I have so few friends. The one friend who lives near me who I hang out with is MUCH older than me, I'm 24, she's 42. But she's all I've got. I think I missed learning how to make good friends and keep good friends when I was unstable after my diagnosis in 2006, not sleeping, being manic, partying, doing drugs, being with the wrong crowd.
So I don't have many friends (one 42 year old friend whos a bit flaky and 4 girl friends who live outta state, outta town.... I'M LONELY!! And I haven't had a boyfriend in a few years.
I need some love and some social fun. I have my family..... I live with my mom, my sister, my somewhat evil stepdad....
Anyway, I guess I'm just looking for some words of encouragement and some similar stories with a happy ending.
Am I forever doomed? I feel so lonely....
And I've been a little depressed waiting around for this guy to use me when I just want him to love me...
Last night I suffered through heart break and lonliness.
I know this is because of a certain man who I'm in love with but all he wants to do is use me...for sex none the less! And sex is a sensitive subject for me because I've been raped and taken advantage of so many times. I have been raped 3 times due to being unstable and yes it was the real thing. After I was raped the first time I had a feeling of low self worthiness and I had meaningless sex sometimes and it was horrible.
I agreed to see this man because he was in town. I convinced myself that I was into just having sex for no reason...only I wanted him because I'm in love with him. I changed my mind at the end of thanksgiving holiday but no matter...... he never called after we made plans. I'm still waiting to hear from him...UGH
Last night when I was feeling so rotten about him and everything I was also feeling down because I have so few friends. The one friend who lives near me who I hang out with is MUCH older than me, I'm 24, she's 42. But she's all I've got. I think I missed learning how to make good friends and keep good friends when I was unstable after my diagnosis in 2006, not sleeping, being manic, partying, doing drugs, being with the wrong crowd.
So I don't have many friends (one 42 year old friend whos a bit flaky and 4 girl friends who live outta state, outta town.... I'M LONELY!! And I haven't had a boyfriend in a few years.
I need some love and some social fun. I have my family..... I live with my mom, my sister, my somewhat evil stepdad....
Anyway, I guess I'm just looking for some words of encouragement and some similar stories with a happy ending.
Am I forever doomed? I feel so lonely....
And I've been a little depressed waiting around for this guy to use me when I just want him to love me...
The reason I ask is because I am just now going through some therapy regarding abandonment issues, specifically by my father. It's amazing how the loss of a father in any way affects a child, and then unresolved abandonment issues will then affect relationships with significant others until it IS resolved.
I can't say much more than that because I haven't learned enough yet, but I believe it may be something to look into.......
i learned in therapy that i feel that i am not worthy of love and success.....WTF thats terrible.... I've been a little depressed lately.... but since this guy and supposedly meeting with him and then him never calling me... i feel really down now.
self love is where it's at. I've been working on that for a couple years since I became stable. I guess I just have to be patient
I list this as something to start with.....as an example, perhaps, of what the lack of this relationship can do to someone without them realizing WHY.
******Here's the excerpt:
When denied meaningful contact with our fathers, either physically or emotionally, a gaping hole or "father hunger" emerges in the child's psyche. If left unfulfilled, this "father hunger" triggers pronounced psychological patterns consigning that child to personal and professional dead-ends as an adult. Father hunger manifests itself in many forms: workaholism, substance abuse, chronic depression, sexual promiscuity, violent behavior, food addiction, and an inability to sustain intimate relationships.
******
By the way, I have ALSO had many, many issues with low self-worth.......I KNOW it stems from father issues.
You have no idea how unbelivable the timing of you sharing your feelings and experiences. I have Bipolar 2, since my teens but was only diagnosed 18 months aog. Before I met my boyfriend of 11 years I continually allowed myself to e taken advntage of and put myself in horrible situations. This is something since I got with BF that went, but the feeling I have around sex have'nt and does affect our relationship, as I mostly don't want it, and when I do it bonlers (excuse the pun).
I work away with work alot for a night at a time, all had been fine until last weekn when we had a team event and all had a heavy night of drinking, anyway all I rember is chating to some block outside when having a cig, and then we went for the lift at the same time, I remember telling him my floor, to push the button, but now when I look back he did'nt. I can't remeber much but waking up with my blood on the sheets and running out of his room crying, terrorfied, feeling filthy and so so guilty, as I have never cheated on my BF and never wanted, and now I don't even know if I cheated , was taken advantage of or was raped. So you can imaine how I am now feeling, I'm crying as I write this. I hate this man for doing what he did, we had chated outside and he knew I was bipolar, but I guess this did'nt cross his mid.
I feel so alon, I can't tell anyting about this, as this would kill our relationshp, some how I'm going to have to learn to put it to the back of my mind....
Support groups, from Alanon to NAMI - let me be confused, bipolar, lonely - they accepted me, where I learned tools to MAKE and Keep friends....
LOL, I do not have many in real life, but the say if you find ONE your blessed, I do not think age is a factor, once your over 16 : )
I have been lonely for years - depressed and isolating, and then I found HERE DS : )
Maybe you could hang out here a little longer than you - think you should.... I have friends on here, always concerned and curious about my day, feelings, life....
Only coming when desperate - you miss the simple stuff of bonding and laughter - we have both available here! LOL, maybe just check in when drinking coffee? Or when bored in the evening...
I am so much better after Alanon, they taught me how to accept people an to Create a life, and friendships... between bipolar and a dysfunctional family - what thought was "life" was just a tainted, lonely, NOT true life - feelings are not facts!
Nice to See you again! You were here when I first joined : ) LOL the difference, is I haven't left yet !