Nothing worse than pain and bipolar. It is hard enough coping with either! But when you have both, the pain makes the bipolar worse, and the bipolar makes the pain seem worse, or makes you feel more hopeless!

What bipolar meds were you on? There are new drugs that do not cause weight gain. When my disease was well controlled, I was able to take no bipolar meds. But when the RA stopped responding to meds, I had to go back to bipolar meds. My daughter is a social worker who put herself through university working in a psych hospital. She became very attuned to my moods.. When I did not realize I was bad last year with so many bipolar symptoms, she gently told me I needed to go back on bipolar meds and why.

So yes, denial is a big deal with bipolar disorder. But speaking from personal experience, and from being friends with other people with bipolar disorder, going off meds when you are symptomatic, is a bad idea! Because the disease will lie, and tell you that you are doing fine, when you are off the wall. You will feel clever and creative and smart when you become hypomanic, and suicidal when you are down. I speak the truth!

It sounds like your family is also seeing symptoms. Just remember, mental illness is very hard on your family. They love you, but they see you are not yourself and they hurt for you. But after a while, they start hurting themselves, because someone with bipolar disorder who is not medicated, can get really mean! And angry! So if you won't do it for yourself, do it for them.

Last year when my RA meds failed (Feb. 2015) I went on high doses of prednisone. It was bringing out all the bad bipolar symptoms so I went back on lithium. It really helped a lot. But more important was my relationship with my husband and children improved. At several points I was ready to go off the lithium, but I didn't want to go back to hurting my family. My husband definitely liked me more on bipolar meds, and I decided it was not fair for him to constantly put up with my moods and craziness.

As for sleeping on the toilet, that used to happen to me all the time last year. Except I somehow kept myself upright. That was the pain meds, which do knock you out. I know you are hurting, but I think you are taking too many strong pain meds. I would try to slowly cut down on one of the meds. Maybe a quarter of a pill for a couple of weeks? And you will get rebound pain. But the point of going off, is that narcotics are not only addictive, but they become ineffective to manage the pain, because you become used to them, or habituated. Hydromorphone was the first med I cut back on when the meds were working a little. I don't regret doing that. I would love to get off the prednisone, but by the end of the week when my shots wear off, I am usually taking more.

I hope you get your disability. I've been on it for 17 years, and one time, when I was feeling better, I talked to the Health and Benefits people at work about returning to teaching and they told me not to. I guess between Bipolar and Rheumatoid Arthritis, they figured I wouldn't last which would not be fair to the students. Sure enough, after 4 good years, one of my RA meds failed completely, and 2 weeks later I had my foot reconstructed, a surgery that did not go well. So I was content to stay on disability.

As for the book, I started mine back when I was about 40 a short while after I had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I realized I had had it my whole life, and I was in such denial, I called the book "Escape from Madness: How I Conquered Bipolar Disorder." LOL Now that title is the essence of denial! Maybe I need to start writing another book, instead of writing impossibly long posts!

I promise I will pray for you. I am not sure which direction you want to go in though. Do you want to be totally healed of all your sicknesses? That was my first choice and I went through a terrible time emotionally when God did not answer that prayer. It took me till lately to learn what the Bible says about healing, and to trust God that he was in control, in spite of the pain and suffering. Probably the best thing we can all pray is for wisdom in the treatment of our diseases, and for the doctors to give us good meds and not overmedicate us. After that, I will pray that God gives you the strength to cope, and to have hope despite these diseases.

So wisdom, or just the school of hard knocks? Just know I really understand how badly you are feeling.

I have been at it for long enough that I have a standard answer for those well-intentioned souls who keep paving me roads to hell with their good intentions. "Thank you for caring. Please let me trust my therapy network on this one."

As for the rest, I take it one symptom at a time. I sort freely and sort often within the supportive and compassionate safety of that therapy network I am still working to trust. The whatevers of my condition are easier to tackle if I take them in small bytes and chew each byte well before moving on to the next. Small bytes and long chews. . .

Gentle support while you find what works for you, Nana.

I agree 100% with Marlene's post, so I won't repeat what she has already said. It sounds like things are really tough. I will say a prayer for you.

I will pray for you, too. I very sorry you're going through this. Big hugs.

Welcome to DS, my prayers are with you.
Just wondering if acupuncture might help ease your pain to reduce medications?

HI and Welcome Nanay.... I am so sorry that you're going through so much... Have you ever been referred to a rheumatologist?
Falling asleep all of the time and falling off of seats etc isn't a reasonable way at all for you to live... I would ask for a medication review... This is no good for you or your family... You want to function not to mention you'll end up hurting yourself worse
I found that accepting bipolar was a wonderful gift to me... When I accepted it I worked with it in order to be stable rather then against it which really didn't help me at all considering I had it..
It sounds like you are grossly overmedicated IMHO ... I hear that you have a lot of pain... I get it however falling several times a week isn't reasonable ... Big hug for you... I'm glad you found the board... This is a great site!!....xo

I must say I'm a nurse & I totally agree w/ MarleneJ. The pain can be terrible but I also believe you are on to much pain medicine. I understand pain b/c I suffer from a terminal illness along w/ being bipolar. I definitely will keep you in my prayers.

Thanks y'all,

It's nice to know I'm not alone. I am going to get meds review. Y Daughter is a nurse and she said the meds combo is scary, after adding Psch meds, everything is worse. I stopped the oxycodone a little at a time. I know I will need something, perhaps muscle relaxers?

I do take Flexeral prn, which if I am lucky, is about once or twice a month. But it just helps to know it is a different option, if the muscles start really seizing! I'm so glad you are getting a psych med review. One thing to do, is ask your pharmacy or doctor if they have last year's medicine Bible. It is called the CPS in Canada. I forget the American name, but it has every single drug sold in it, with a complete reviews, drug interactions and side effects. and dosing etc. Some of it is way over my head, but a lot is extremely helpful. When my doctors couldn't figure out why my liver enzymes were so high, before I started on methotrexate, plus a bunch of other things, my pdoc gave me an old CPS and I found out the liver problems were caused by an antihistamine I was taking for asthma. I learned so much and it also motivated me to get off some drugs that were redundant or unnecessary. I was on 23 meds at the time, and I got down to 9 meds! I know!!

We need to listen to our doctors, of course, but being pro-active about our healh is important too. I'm glad you found us, too!