oh forgot to add this to. I have been having bad thoughts lately to of suicide just thinking of it.

You need a real life group and friends! See if there is a NAMI or DBSA group in your area! Isolation and depression is a horrible, spiraling place.

Everything your feeling is Depression - worthless, painful, tired, no friends, lonely all is our sick brain - wanting us alone, thinking suicide. That's how we know its a sickeness - what healthy brain would work against us so HARD????

I have the SAME thoughts - that's how we can relate and I can tell you FEELINGS ARE NOT FACTS!!!!

Being depressed - you need to tell yourself, STOP! No friends, is because we stay alone and don't try. That's why I say go to a Real Life support group - you can show up with no shower and bed head, in tears and everyone welcomes you! Of if your in a bad enough place, you'll think they Didn't - but YOU Tried and can get a couple phone numbers of people you like : )

I think of coming out of severe depression is like a stroke - we almost need rehab to learn how to live again!!!!

Your pain is terrible, you've got a great doc - he wrote exactly what they needed to get out of jury duty - do NOT imagine that EXCUSE is true or real! You asked for it to get out of duty - you ASKED!!!! It's not true.

Maybe, like me - its time to change or adjust meds.....three weeks, I keep getting sadder, and functioning less and less - I won't play with my meds for a "Bad" week, but three weeks - WTF? I'm going to talk to pdoc next week - when do you go to yours? It is a Chemical imbalance, new meds can HELP!!!!!

You are Depressed, that is "sick" like the flu - we have to be nicer, and kinder to sick people - that means to ourselves too!!!

Keep posting, lots of people here KNOW what your going through...but from one friend to another, we have to CHANGE - our behavior and choices can make it worse. We need to learn how to change thoughts and how we handle things... There is NO magic pill, just help to we have a Choice of how we act and feel...

(((((BIG HUG))))))) I'm sorry your depressed, I hope you feel better or consider contacting your pdoc - don't suffer one day more than you have too!!!!!

thank you Gina. you made alot of sense. yes it is a sickness I know. I feel as if I have a handicap so to speak.I will look up for some groups in the area and see what I can find. I was just adjusted on my meds 2 weeks ago so maybe I should give it some more time. I just feel like crying sometimes but sometimes I can cry other times I cry at the drop of a hat at anything. I have nobody who understands what I am going through here at home. I live with my dad and so callIed brother. I need somoene to talk to sometimes and I dont have that. I miss my mom so much not that we really talked about much but we did at times and I miss that, Anyway, thanks again Gina for you support:)

you post how awful you are doing every day, so i have to ask you, what are you doing to break this cycle?

it is hard work, and uncomfortable, but you need to do something drastic. whatever you're doing/taking right now is not working.

we can't save you. we support, but the leg work is up to you. i hope you do something for yourself soon.

Oh - your in a med change!!!! That sucks, the guinea pig stage...yes, two weeks you can give the meds/dosges more time, but its still important to just say "I don't feel better" or even admit "I feel worse"...

Your right and smart, you can't quit the combo without giving it a fair shot! That means getting it IN our system, hopefully so sweet we don't notice, YET with a degree of functioning or hope.

Depression on a beautiful day hurts me. Either its because I'm not good, or because I don't have a life. A beautiful day without depression, I go and run errands, or sit in the back yard, pull weeds. The day is the same Beautiful day, but how I see it depends on my brain chemicals.... and how the meds are working...

Three weeks no improvement, your not through playing guinea pig, add one, take away too - WE CAN and WILL feel better!!!!!

Woman, we will laugh again, and we will be glad, that a temporary depression does not kill us, because laughing outside - on a beautiful day, with friends - is MORE Than possible!!!!!! It's just not Fuckin TODAY!!!! ((((BIG HUG))))

We will not give in without doing our part to FIGHT depression, with its horrible job description LOL, sorry I keep ranting on! Trying to convince both of us! Sorry about your back, but I have major dental pain! LMAO, I win bitch, I have it WORSE : )

sometimes when you are depressed you dont want to do somethings even forcing yourslef you cant do it or I cant anyway. Everyone is different.I m trying to do things though to try to feel better but it is very hard people just DO NOT understand sorry.........

We understand kitty.. We've all been there.. at the same time though Mojo and Gina are right we have to really push ourselves even when it's the last thing we want to do..
I find starting with baby steps the best.. going for a little walk even if it's 10 minutes it's getting out and you can feel proud for taking that step forward..
Keep putting one foot in front of the other and you will move forward.. It's great you're working with your doc to get on the best meds for you..
I find 5 things to be grateful for everyday no matter my mood and I find it helps and brings me back to the now.. It may just be a good cup of coffee or interacting with my pup..
Crisis lines can be good to call to vent.. You can talk to a person and many of the calls they receive are people feeling distress as opposed to a crisis.. I used to volunteer at a centre...
I also took suicide completely off of the table years ago and I've been in the depths of despair as well.. When I'm feeling that badly I just remind myself that it's part of the illness.. I need some help.. and stability will come..
Big hug for you...x

thanks everyone for your comments. I do take 3 walks a day to walk my dog so I do get out and it does not help my mood. I have been doing some research on trying to find some support groups but have not found any just yet. I just dont know what to do anymore. I try different things and nothing seems to work. I feel hopeless because of this. I hide my feelings alot I dont let people know how i am feeling. I may seem ok on the outside but I am crying on the inside. Do you think I want to feel depressed all the time??? NO. Do you think I want to be in pain all the time??? NO I just dont get it. I am just going through the emotions. If I dont feel any better by next week I will call my pdoc. Thanks again for your reply's sorry if I sound harsh or mean or anything I just cant stand this anymore sometimes something people say just set me off.

Maybe you need to go to emerg sweetie.. Meds can be adjusted much faster as an inpatient..
I was hospitalized quite a while agon now over a year ago and it was the best decision I could have made... It helped me a ton.. I was so much better within a three week period..
No one is suggesting that you're choosing to feel such despair kitty