I feel terrible. I'm going through a depressed period right now. I've increased my lithium a little for when I'm going through difficult periods. I will drop it back to the regular amount when I feel better. I'm just afraid I will never feel better. Since the big nervous breakdown many years ago, I have never been the same.

My life hasn't been easy but I would think I would used to it by now. I lack energy so I procrastinate on a few things. Mostly about getting organized. There are so many things I know I should do but haven't. I wouldn't say that I'm lazy exactly. I do manage to get important things like laundry, grocery shopping, etc. done.

I fear for my future a lot. I don't know what's around the corner. I've had the rug pulled out from under me so many times. I just feel like doom is following me all the time. I'm afraid I will make a stupid mistake and do further harm to my life.

I have a teenage son who needs me so he's the reason I keep living.

For awhile now I have felt that little to no one really cared about me. I know my son loves and my father. There are other relatives that care about me. I still feel alone. I don't really have friends my age nearby. I don't know how to make friends. I'm generally shy.
Times like these I wish I had some here who understood or sort of understands to comfort me.