TC I was forty before I figured out what I was truly meant to do and started pursuing it. Im 43 now and still working towards that goal. I totally understand how it feels to just exist and wonder why you exist. We all have a purpose in my opinion even when we don't know what it is. We touch lives everyday just by our attitudes and actions. You never know what kind of difference you may be making to others. I used to read a lot as well but now find it hard to stay focused on books other than school. I don't have any other hobbies but painting ceramics sounds fun. I hope you can find some joy again and pick up some of your old hobbies, or, create new ones. We all need to have fun things to occupy our time.Wish I could be more helpful Big Hugs.

(((HUGS))

What Autumn says !

((Hugs)) Sometimes you just have to dig deep and carve out meaning beginning with the smallest of things.

Hang in there friend...so many things being thrown at you right now trying to beat you down. The medical difficulties you are having are enough to do it, let alone the depression. But remember how much YOU have beaten. It's hard to see past the darkness during these times. I know for you it will pass...it will for us both. Keep reaching out!!!

Xxxx
Your pal lollster

I can only offer (((hugs))) of support and agree w/Autumn. I think we all do have a purpose but at times it's not so obvious as to what it is. I can relate to feeling no sense of purpose in my life as my children are older. One is out of house and the other starting Junior year in HS. It was easier to focus on them than myself but it's time for me. Maybe even get to know hubby again!! lol poor man. Anyway.

Baby steps- one day at a time and I hope you do find that purpose soon. Take care.

Depression can suck the life out of you so completely that it's hard to function at all.

Honestly even though I feel pretty good right now I don't think I have much "purpose" and I am trying to beat that by just living life and trying to enjoy myself. We have to evaluate ourselves by our own scales - I don't have children either and I think for whatever reason we as women feel like less of a woman if we don't have kids. Does that make sense? I don't work either and most people measure themselves to some extent on what they "do". I have started evaluating myself on *who I am* instead. I am a good friend, a good daughter, a loving partner, an excellent dog momma, generous, thoughtful, those kind of statements. I am the kind of person I would want as a friend or family member and that makes me feel good about me.

(PS. I went through a bad spot where I couldn't read a book either and seriously found that most depressing! It will come back when you are feeling better, I promise. That was something that made me feel like the biggest failure, not being able to read anymore, since reading has been my escape basically since I learned to read. Realize that inability to pay attention or focus or digest information is a symptom of depression, and cognitive difficulties are definitely part of the package! It took me nearly 2 years to recover from that depression. Much, much sympathy!)