Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
Hello,
I am having a bit of a dating/relationship issue and wondering if you guys could help. About a year ago, I was in a relationship with a boy who had graduated from my school (he was two years older) and we had a pretty good relationship. He respected me and tried his best to communicate with me even though he was shy. He always asked permission and would ask how far we should go or what we should or should not do. However, after officially 9 months of dating I called it off because he seemed not to be interested in the relationship (and I cant fault a guy for that were still young and so were changing and our ideals and such are still maturing). Anyways, I just called to talk to him and we actually had a really good discussion, but the poor guy was devastated. Even though he said on the phone and later online that he was ok with it and that he wanted to respect my wishes later when I saw him in person he still wanted to be in a relationship and told me that and for the last few months since weve broken up hes been going on these rails about how no one likes him and he has no friends. (In case you were wondering, I would have broken up in person but I was away at school and so I didnt have a choice except for a phone call and online).
The problem is that he is really confusing me. He seemed to be uninterested in the relationship because I would send him letters and he would never respond to them. I usually made all the phone calls, and when we talked online he would usually walk away from the conversation and leave me hanging. I wasnt an obsessive girlfriend (like I wasnt talking to him every day or even ever other day, but when I did talk to him he seemed to make no effort to stay in touch). Further, when we were actually dating all he wanted to do was sit at home and watch movies and I wanted to be more active and do things. I brought up all of these issues to him, but he would either never respond or he would say that he had no problem with doing things and then when the time came he wouldnt. I told him that I thought it was important in a relationship that we communicate with each other what we want and dont want and he wouldnt say anything in return.
I broke up with him over 6 months ago and I still miss him and sometimes think that well get back together even though I know that its not healthy for either one of us to do that. Further, my religion states I cannot date someone who is not in my religion and he is not, so that further complicates things (I am going to a religious school so they are kind of pressuring me not to get back with him). But even without what my friends or religion tell me, I dont think hes being serious or mature enough about things.
I feel really badly for him because hes a really shy and quiet guy and many people misunderstand him. Hes also been hurt by a lot of people and doesnt have many friends. He is not academic and not involved with any religions or even any social groups of any sort so hes not likely to find another girl because hes just not in places where hell meet girls.
If I were to talk about this with my friends and adults I know that they would say not to worry, that I need to respect myself and do what feels right to me (not to be in a relationship for him). They would also tell me that I am young and hes not the only guy I will ever meet and that I just need to meet more people and get on with life. I feel bad that I still miss him and havent gotten over him yet.
It seems like all my friends at university broke up with their boyfriends/girlfriends in October and started dating again by January. And since Im at a religious school its pretty important for people to be dating and getting married at grad! On one hand I know that if they start dating soon after their heart hasnt had time to heal, but on the other hand they seem happy and to be in good relationships.
My questions are: A) Is something wrong with me for still not being over this? B) What can I do to get over him? C) This summer I am back at home and in high school I didnt get along with many people (I get along with people at university so much better since they are more mature). The problem is, that means that this summer hell be one of my only friends around. How can I make it so its not awkward when we get together?
Thanks for your advice!
I am having a bit of a dating/relationship issue and wondering if you guys could help. About a year ago, I was in a relationship with a boy who had graduated from my school (he was two years older) and we had a pretty good relationship. He respected me and tried his best to communicate with me even though he was shy. He always asked permission and would ask how far we should go or what we should or should not do. However, after officially 9 months of dating I called it off because he seemed not to be interested in the relationship (and I cant fault a guy for that were still young and so were changing and our ideals and such are still maturing). Anyways, I just called to talk to him and we actually had a really good discussion, but the poor guy was devastated. Even though he said on the phone and later online that he was ok with it and that he wanted to respect my wishes later when I saw him in person he still wanted to be in a relationship and told me that and for the last few months since weve broken up hes been going on these rails about how no one likes him and he has no friends. (In case you were wondering, I would have broken up in person but I was away at school and so I didnt have a choice except for a phone call and online).
The problem is that he is really confusing me. He seemed to be uninterested in the relationship because I would send him letters and he would never respond to them. I usually made all the phone calls, and when we talked online he would usually walk away from the conversation and leave me hanging. I wasnt an obsessive girlfriend (like I wasnt talking to him every day or even ever other day, but when I did talk to him he seemed to make no effort to stay in touch). Further, when we were actually dating all he wanted to do was sit at home and watch movies and I wanted to be more active and do things. I brought up all of these issues to him, but he would either never respond or he would say that he had no problem with doing things and then when the time came he wouldnt. I told him that I thought it was important in a relationship that we communicate with each other what we want and dont want and he wouldnt say anything in return.
I broke up with him over 6 months ago and I still miss him and sometimes think that well get back together even though I know that its not healthy for either one of us to do that. Further, my religion states I cannot date someone who is not in my religion and he is not, so that further complicates things (I am going to a religious school so they are kind of pressuring me not to get back with him). But even without what my friends or religion tell me, I dont think hes being serious or mature enough about things.
I feel really badly for him because hes a really shy and quiet guy and many people misunderstand him. Hes also been hurt by a lot of people and doesnt have many friends. He is not academic and not involved with any religions or even any social groups of any sort so hes not likely to find another girl because hes just not in places where hell meet girls.
If I were to talk about this with my friends and adults I know that they would say not to worry, that I need to respect myself and do what feels right to me (not to be in a relationship for him). They would also tell me that I am young and hes not the only guy I will ever meet and that I just need to meet more people and get on with life. I feel bad that I still miss him and havent gotten over him yet.
It seems like all my friends at university broke up with their boyfriends/girlfriends in October and started dating again by January. And since Im at a religious school its pretty important for people to be dating and getting married at grad! On one hand I know that if they start dating soon after their heart hasnt had time to heal, but on the other hand they seem happy and to be in good relationships.
My questions are: A) Is something wrong with me for still not being over this? B) What can I do to get over him? C) This summer I am back at home and in high school I didnt get along with many people (I get along with people at university so much better since they are more mature). The problem is, that means that this summer hell be one of my only friends around. How can I make it so its not awkward when we get together?
Thanks for your advice!
B) I think you already are working on that....coming here and asking for advice is a step in that direction.
C) Here's what I think you need to consider: You are very insightful about this, especially for someone your age. I mean, I know A LOT of middle-aged people (my age) who still don't get as much insight as you've got written here. so pat yourself on the back for that!!! You've said that you recognize it wouldn't be healthy for either one of you to get back together. I agree. And, here's why.
He sounds to me like, when you're near him, he ignores you and takes you for granted. But when you aren't there anymore, he turns into a whiney insecure young boy. (who is trying to manipulate you into getting back together with him, with your sympathy).....I also hear you saying, that you also don't have a lot of other friends at home....could you also be worried about not finding another friend for yourself?
As far as the religion thing goes, I used to belong to the same type of group; they felt that the only person any of us should marry, were those within the same belief system. BLAH!!! If you want to ascribe to that, fine. But if you don't want to, you don't have to. Same with when you get married....you are already way ahead of their game, by thinking for yourself about that....apply that to your current struggles, and you will get it figured out.
((( hugs )))
I also wonder what it is that you miss about him? Sometimes we just miss the comfort or security of knowing someone will be there.
but given you are so young, you have lots of time to find someone better suited for you. So i wonder is there something he brings to the table? (not to sound so business like, but hey...there's got to be something...otherwise be on your own.)