I'd urge her to take her daughter and go to a womens shelter.
She'll be safe and the shelters have many resources available to help.

Get her to talk to the women's shelter first.

she will need a plan to leave him safely, often the leaving is the part where they turn really psycho.

I have no idea how they treat mental health problems in custody cases - I think there is a DS group for custody stuff maybe ask there.

Definitely get her to ring a DV hotline as a first step to her escape plan to safety and give her my best wishes and sympathy for the hell she finds herself in.

Oh and get her to start keeping a diary of all the abuse including dates times and direct quotes of things he says and does.

A voice recording would be even better.

She will need it to build her counter case of how violent he is.

Just have her walk. Have the kid go to school one day, him got o work. The wife just get her purse and coat on and catch the bus to the school. If she doesnt have anymoney tell the school what is going on and they can help her get to the school.

Dont have her talk to him about it. I would try a tape device just get out.

I meant i WOULDNT TRYA TAPE DEVICE HE COULD FIND IT AND ALL HELL WOUDL BREAK LOOSE JUST GET OUT.

yes shelter it is. They will know how to help her. She needs to call them if she can. Other wise she needs to take her daughter and run at the first opportunity she gets. It is much harder for one parent to pry the child out of the hands of the one that runs with it. My brother found that out and so did I. :) but i was the parent that ran LOL

I agree with Tommy... the children and mother are being so damaged already.. the shelters' always have great advise and resources.. Im sure they can give her referrals... if her bp is stable her doctors know that....the world is much more educated now on bp and although there is still a great stigma most know that when on meds we are controlled..last year is last year and if she was in the hospital it means she dealt responsibly with her illness.. it's wonderful she has you for a friend..x

I believe another name for "forced sex" is rape. I know in most places, if you say no, and/or fight back against a husband, he can be arrested and convicted to spousal rape.

I think this has got to stop. I worry if it is in the southern US, there is a lot of prejudice against mental illness. I think arresting this SOB would really help her case, in a custody issue. That is, if she is staying around for a while.

Plus, he would be forced to leave the marital home, and she would not be living in a shelter with her children. Find out what the laws are in this state or province, and then don't be afraid to tell her to say NO, to fight back and to phone 911. This man sounds like half of her problems.

He could take the daughter if she keeps going to the same school.

Yes she is being raped if he is forcing her to have sex when she doesn't want to.

That's why I suggested her finding out all her options before she goes.

He might get so mad he spends the rest of his life trying to hunt them down to hurt them. I hope not, but it happens.

Women's shelter. Call the police or go to the station so that they have a record and she can get a restraining order. He can threaten all he wants to if she makes a case "first" she has a better chance. It won't be easy.

I've been through the nightmare before being dx'd. She will need to get ready to live undercover, pack her stuff, she will need money, wheels and important documents. Warn the family that he might cause trouble when looking for her. My aunt and neighbors got some damage to their property because of my ex's anger.

**thanks** everyone for all the advice. we're going to start by calling the shelter and hopefully they'll have more information about our state and maybe a referal to a good lawyer. and though i know it's rape she gets really agitated thinking of herself as a rape victim, so i try to frame it in a different way so's not to upset her more. plus in our town the police are pretty lax about rape and crimes against women in general.

it's so hard watching her struggle through this. he's totally undermined her confidence, career choices, safety, and mental health. i honestly believe she'd get and stay stable if she got away from him. but we'll do what we can.

freen8tive thanks for the advice about warning people about property damage. someone keyed my sister's car last night and i hadn't thought about it before, but on those rare occasions she's "allowed" to come out with us he tends to follow and sit in the parking lot 'til we leave. now, i'm thinking he might've been the one to do the damage.

i'd really like for her to run now and just get out, but i know she won't until she feels like she has some legal standing because our state is really hard on mothers with mental health issues, and builds up her savings.

Always fight for the children, if nothing else the children will know you did fight for them.

Unless there has been legal issues with CPS, (the most overpowerful government agency without being overseen by another agency), has been involved. I don't think he has a leg to stand on.

But then get an attorney or advocate, if you can, and have them help you.

Also bring a history of your medical appointments, not your medicine list.