This is a hard one. I can relate a lot to what you are saying because my younger sister has a college degree and I don't. She has a high paying job and I don't. She is not bipolar and I am. She is the opposite of me, too-- she's extremely athletic and I'm not. For the longest time I felt as though she was the favorite, and I was just a big disappointment to my parents.

But then she isn't married and doesn't have a boyfriend, and I do. She also hates her job. So our situation might not be exactly the same, but maybe your sister isn't as happy as you think she is? I don't know, maybe she is. But she isn't better than you. We are all just people.

What people have always told me when I compared myself to other people- is that every one is different. It might just take a little longer for you to attain your the things you want. I have had my share of failures that have definitely been a blow to my ego, but I believe that I can still attain my goals eventually, and that I just have to work a little harder. It took me a long time to feel that way, though. My parents tell me that I have had a hard life but that I always bounce back. I didn't choose to be bipolar, and neither did you.

Do you get a long with your sister? Is she nice to you? Is she older or younger? What is the age difference? That is cool that you are going to visit her. Do you speak often? I don't know that I have really good advice, but I hope at least that you will realize that you are not alone in feeling this way. If I knew more about your situation maybe I could be more helpful. :)

I have a brother who got a phd in physics from princeton and is now a professor at a major university. he is not bipolar and while he has some serious OCD he doesn't have intrusive thoughts while he is "theorizing" physics. He is totally obsessed with physics. But like chinesebear, I have a lot of things my brother does not have, I am in a serious romantic relationship. My brother is way too into physics to take time out for a girlfriend, for even himself. There was a lot of abuse in my house growing up and my brother and mother are in complete denial. My brother does some serious deprivation , and I do some, but not nearly to the extent of my brother.

I think Chinesebear is right. The grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence. One thing I have discovered over the years, is that everyone has issues, some kind of problem, which may be overwhelming them in ways you cannot see. Instead of looking at all she has, count all the things in your life which are positive. Try and focus on the good experiences you have had in your life. When I was younger, I had a lot going for me, too. I went back to school and got my teaching degree, I was musical and athletic. I was pretty and didn't know it. (I look back at my pictures and wonder how I could have hated myself). I had a bad marriage, divorced then married a wonderful man and had 4 fantastic children. But I was constantly up and down, going through severe depression and highs.

For the last 10 years, I have had Rheumatoid Arthritis. And I went through disabling migraines, endometriosis, asthma, and so many physical illnesses. Yet gradually, I began to accept myself a little more. I had to quit work, but I found other interests in my life. I recommitted my life to Christ. My younger sister, a lawyer, who lived in a fancy house, couldn't have children. Despite her being the favorite, she got MS. Now we are the best of friends. We have drawn together because of our debilitating diseases. When I go back and look at my extensive diaries I kept for years, I look at the black, angry, despairing, depressed person I was, and wonder what I was upset about. I had it all, but never recognized it. Now I have learned to be content in suffering, pain, and sorrow. Life is a vale of tears, but there is also much joy.

I would advise you to try and celebrate and rejoice at your sister's successes, and try and plan your life to bring out the good things in yourself. I am sure in some ways your sister feels a lot of pain over your life, and would gladly help you, and share her life with you. And if she doesn't, well, find friends who do. And come here often and we will try and be supportive. You are worthwhile, so don't compare yourself to others. You probably have a lot of life ahead of you, and things could get a lot better. Don't be discouraged, even when the world seems dark, we all have trials and suffer. Try to learn and grow, and maybe some day you will be able to look back and realize that you have grown to be a stronger, better person, because of your trials, and enduring.

Thank you so much for the good advice, I will definitely apply it. Some good things about myself did come to mind as I read through these replies. To answer Chinesebear's questions, yes my sister and I get along very well. We are only one year apart and she's very nice to me. I can tell that she loves me a lot and actually she was the very first person to care about my bipolar, and she saw it all from the beginning. I will always be deeply thankful for that. I'm taking a good look at our differences and one thing that I like is that I can enjoy my singleness, which is something she didn't really get to do because she married early. I can travel, which I love to do. I'm also a songwriter and I have the time to spend on creative things. So, slowy but surely, good things are coming to mind and I'm starting to see it positvely. Again, thank you for the advice!! -offbalance

Sounds like you are back on the right track! Awesome. Remember, Christmas is always a harder season. We all have good days and bad ones. Please post after your visit, I bet you will have a great time. Merry Christmas!

Bravo Angela.. brilliant advice.

"Treat yourself like a friend" what would you say to a friend of yours that had this to say about themself? Tell yourself the same thing.

Something my friend says is that people who seem to have Barbie Dream Lives... well, frequently they don't.

And besides, you're definitely, definitely more INTERESTING. :)