Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.

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Coming Clean

nickpc20001
nickpc20001
Okay, I am 25 and for the past 7 years I have lived out on my own. I have lived a decent life with finincial situations until I got addicted to drugs. Last year I lost everything and had to go into rehab. I am now 25 with almost everything gone I have worked for and have extreme guilt living with the family. I was diagnoised bipolar, and I have trouble sourting out my past. I have never had any good relationships always short ones and I always got bored easy. I lied to people about my credintials. I was selfish and probley hurt "a lot" of people in my past. I am feeling guilty and I have flashbacks of all my 1 night stands and all the people that I lied to just to sleep with etc.. I know I can't live in the past because I am better than that. I have only been with 1 person since rehab, and I have only done the drugs the doctors give me. It's so hard coming clean because I have to sit here and while I regain my memory I have flashbacks of my bad deeds. Has anyone else had problems like this? Does it get better? I need advise?
I want to be a better person and get clean, but my past is haunting me so bad.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yes it gets better. I have to think awhile and reply in a bit
nickpc20001
nickpc20001
you have to think a while for a better response? Okay :) I guess..
deleted_user
deleted_user
Have never been where you are, but you can't change the past. Just live your life in the best way you can to prove that you are a better person, helping others always makes up for any ill you have done.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Even with your meds you will have you good days and bad. You may always feel in some way guilty...but if you let the flashbacks and the guilt of your past control you...then you won't become any better of a person.

I get flashbacks from my life too...even the ones that I didn't do(don't ask). However, I have to decide whether I'm willing to let them control me or not. It DOES get better...but it comes down to 2 things. One, do you want to get better?? Which you've already said you do. and Two, can you let go enough to move forward just a little??? And I believe you can. You seemed to have proved already that you're moving in the right direction.

If you let your past guilt hauntings control you...you will slip...and that may cause a relapse. Since you don't want that...perhaps taking just ONE day at a time.

By the way, congratulations on your sobriety.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Let your past be your past. It is already set in stone, the present if what you can mold and shape, and the future is only filled with endless possibilities. Don't beat yourself up over things. There is not one single human who can say that he/she has done everything perfectly. As far as the flashbacks of the one night stands, if I did that I would have the light for a major city. Just live your life for today with your eye on tomorrow.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Are you in a 12 step program?
deleted_user
deleted_user
Alot of the things that have happened to me in my past and things I've done to other people are almost unmentionable. I always felt bad but kept it up along with drug use and alcohol. This behavior was directly related to my un dx BP. You are now on meds and know you have a chance to pick up your life at 25 (still a baby). You are fortunate. I would say kiss the past goodbye and conentrate on a bright future now that you know the problem. Self loathing and damnation are lethal for us. Dosn't mean your not sorry just means ok now I know and move on. Give yourself a great chance to start fresh:)
deleted_user
deleted_user
Our past will ALways haunt us if we don't put it down, like a heavy suitcase, and walk away. Walk away from everything that you are no longer responsible for fixing, sweetie.

Which is probably a lot, if not most, of it.

You Have to get up every morning, look in the mirror, and say "I am who I am, Today! Not yesterday, not last year, Today!"

...and it AIN'T easy. I still do it. Every day. :)
deleted_user
deleted_user
HMMMMM!! I like that alot Soul:)
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yes, Yes, I did the sex, drugs and rock and roll. I was manic and anything went. Iying, cheating ,stealing - you name it I did it. I get flashbacks to, but they don't ruin my self esteem. The past is gone. We'll probably have to work real hard to make up for the past, but, it's possible. It will get better.
peace, teresa
nickpc20001
nickpc20001
Thanks for all the motivation guys, I feel so alone with this illness my family tries to understand but they know I am living in a different world than they are. Right now all I have is my room "dailystrength" my doctor. I can't hold down a job. I had to let go of all my friends but 2 because they where all druggies. I never knew it would be this hard. I know it could be worse. I just hate how family lables you etc.. I didn't go to thanksgiving today because they would look at me like this. Jobless/Gained Weight/No relationship/ Worthless to society. I know thats how they would look at it. I told my mom to educate them of my illness so hopefully by christmas they will understand why I am 25 and I am where I am. It's so tough to deal with ..
deleted_user
deleted_user
Wow, I never knew that not having a relationship, not having a job due to an illness, not being the ideal weight were attributes that made someone a valuable person. I always thought that it was treating others the way you would want to be treated. Great, now I'll have to change my entire mind set. Nick, you will find the peace you seek. It may be in the form of a word said on here, but chances are it will come to you when you least expect. But, first, you have to stop giving a crap what anyone else thinks. You are the only person who determines your self value. It's not the job, relationship, or weight. Each will come in time once you have the idea of what makes you good.
nickpc20001
nickpc20001
Yes, I want to think like that so bad, but grandparents have their traditinoal ways etc.. High expectations etc.. I am praying that my parents can educate them of my illness and progress.