hi. ive been suffering for so much negative thinking and depression. I feel weak and so scared to take that one step that can possibly make things better. I am thinking of trying cognitive behavioral therapy. But i think its too expensive its 46$ per hour. I think we can afford it. But partly I'm guilty. Do i really need this or do i need some help from the outside? I feel like if i avail a cognitive therapy session that would mean that is a proof that I am a weak person. I dont want to hear it. It sucks. Why others can solve there problem without any help from others? Should i suck it up or go on alone with myself?The problem is i dont trust myself. My mood is changing contantly one time im happy then for the next moment i get depressed and desperate. I dont want to go now on my physical trainer in the gym. I'm just feeling negative and lazy. I dont know if this is lazyness or if im extremely shaken by my negative thoughts that it makes me a non functional individual. No job for 7 years. I am afraid to get a job, i couldnt concentrate well and i am paralyzed by may past failures. I feel like I can handle a job because if im not in a good mood i will be not able to work. I just cant handle pressure. I am drinking medications but looks like its not working. Should I go into a cognitive therapy session? DO i have to feel guilty? I wanna get better. I wanna be confident with myself. I want a job like a normal person. I just feel guilty and overwhelmed. For 7 years my family is spending so much money on me on my medications and may wants and basic needs. Its really sad.