Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I seem to have two "levels" with my bipolar:
The most severe is also the rarest. 10 months ago I had a big manic episode that lasted only three days (thank goodness) but so easily could have lasted longer. During that time I had arranged to have sex with 14 men over the following two weeks, one a day, and had already finished with my first before I crashed. God knows how long the depression lasted afterwards, since I couldn't tell it apart from the intense anxiety I was experiencing if I tried.
Then there are these small cycles that I experience that seem very much like rapid cycling. I will have 1-5 hours of hypomanic followed by 1-5 hours of depression. Usually the length of one determines the length of the other. 3 hours of hypomanic can be followed by 2 hours of depression. 1 hour of hypomanic can be followed by 1.5 hours of depression.
But then something weird happened today. Keep in mind, I've been on Depakote (1500mg) for about 2-3 weeks now. I am also in recovery from sex addiction, and before today have never had healthy sex in my life. I have heavily associated my unhealthy sexual behavior with hypersexuality during manic, or even hypomanic episodes.
So back to the weird thing that happened today. I had healthy sex for the first time in my life. In trying to get things started I was getting very irritated, because he couldn't get it in. Then once it was in I suddenly felt very VERY good! It was fairly fucking incredible! However after a few minutes I just couldn't continue any more, I stopped things and kinda cuddled up to my boyfriends side, feeling very very clingy and tired. I felt oddly sad and ashamed, but I couldn't tell why. Then after a few more minutes I was fine although very NOT horny even though neither myself or my boyfriend got off. He thought I was traumatized or something and was worried about me, I really wasn't sure what the heck happened myself. The whole thing happened in around 15 to 45 minutes before it was over.
Could this have been an episode of sorts? Or maybe it was just me being a girl.
The most severe is also the rarest. 10 months ago I had a big manic episode that lasted only three days (thank goodness) but so easily could have lasted longer. During that time I had arranged to have sex with 14 men over the following two weeks, one a day, and had already finished with my first before I crashed. God knows how long the depression lasted afterwards, since I couldn't tell it apart from the intense anxiety I was experiencing if I tried.
Then there are these small cycles that I experience that seem very much like rapid cycling. I will have 1-5 hours of hypomanic followed by 1-5 hours of depression. Usually the length of one determines the length of the other. 3 hours of hypomanic can be followed by 2 hours of depression. 1 hour of hypomanic can be followed by 1.5 hours of depression.
But then something weird happened today. Keep in mind, I've been on Depakote (1500mg) for about 2-3 weeks now. I am also in recovery from sex addiction, and before today have never had healthy sex in my life. I have heavily associated my unhealthy sexual behavior with hypersexuality during manic, or even hypomanic episodes.
So back to the weird thing that happened today. I had healthy sex for the first time in my life. In trying to get things started I was getting very irritated, because he couldn't get it in. Then once it was in I suddenly felt very VERY good! It was fairly fucking incredible! However after a few minutes I just couldn't continue any more, I stopped things and kinda cuddled up to my boyfriends side, feeling very very clingy and tired. I felt oddly sad and ashamed, but I couldn't tell why. Then after a few more minutes I was fine although very NOT horny even though neither myself or my boyfriend got off. He thought I was traumatized or something and was worried about me, I really wasn't sure what the heck happened myself. The whole thing happened in around 15 to 45 minutes before it was over.
Could this have been an episode of sorts? Or maybe it was just me being a girl.
Hang in there with the meds....it takes time to get stable.
And try solo sex until you are stable. Partner sex is complicated and can get you sick with a std. Its better to give it up for a long while. I only speak from experience.