Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
I'm actually a very possessive and jealous person with a select FEW people, even though I hide it well.
I never really fully "get over" someone, if even in retrospect, I honestly did love them. Even if I don't want them to myself anymore, my stomach drops if I see that they're falling for someone else. I don't say anything though, because if I acted on the whole "If I can't have you then nobody else can" that'd be fucking ridiculous, for starters, and also selfish and just... really shitty. I've done that before, years ago. But no more.
Still though, I get a deeply sick feeling, like a separation anxiety, I guess, a sense of secondhand rejection that I've heard those with Borderline (which is suspected in me although a lot of my symptoms are also classically bipolar) are sensitive to. There's a numbness I develop after a while but I never really go all-the-way numb to it. It hurts, man. But why? I don't want to be with you... .....
It feels like people in my life, in my past, have all chipped off little pieces of me, and kept them forever. I don't know how to get the pieces back, those people don't know how to give them back, and now I am fragmented.
Its mushy, it's sappy, it's gross. I think that's why I've gone so cold, in revolt of my own faulty nature.
When I dissociated more a lot of my 'alters' were asexual and Vulcan-like, and didn't really understand love or such concepts at all. But lithium and other medicines keep me from dissociating. I don't know where I was going with that, but it was sort of a cool thing to have, useful y'know? Not always. I didn't get to choose which 'side' came to the surface at any given time, and they weren't all nice. My eventual goal would be to merge all sides into a cohesive, functional person, but to be able to 'shift gears' at my own will without shifting all the way.
Anyway has anyone (of you) experienced anything remotely similar...?
I never really fully "get over" someone, if even in retrospect, I honestly did love them. Even if I don't want them to myself anymore, my stomach drops if I see that they're falling for someone else. I don't say anything though, because if I acted on the whole "If I can't have you then nobody else can" that'd be fucking ridiculous, for starters, and also selfish and just... really shitty. I've done that before, years ago. But no more.
Still though, I get a deeply sick feeling, like a separation anxiety, I guess, a sense of secondhand rejection that I've heard those with Borderline (which is suspected in me although a lot of my symptoms are also classically bipolar) are sensitive to. There's a numbness I develop after a while but I never really go all-the-way numb to it. It hurts, man. But why? I don't want to be with you... .....
It feels like people in my life, in my past, have all chipped off little pieces of me, and kept them forever. I don't know how to get the pieces back, those people don't know how to give them back, and now I am fragmented.
Its mushy, it's sappy, it's gross. I think that's why I've gone so cold, in revolt of my own faulty nature.
When I dissociated more a lot of my 'alters' were asexual and Vulcan-like, and didn't really understand love or such concepts at all. But lithium and other medicines keep me from dissociating. I don't know where I was going with that, but it was sort of a cool thing to have, useful y'know? Not always. I didn't get to choose which 'side' came to the surface at any given time, and they weren't all nice. My eventual goal would be to merge all sides into a cohesive, functional person, but to be able to 'shift gears' at my own will without shifting all the way.
Anyway has anyone (of you) experienced anything remotely similar...?
-
I find myself going places in the car and not wanting to get out of the car. I come back home and I don't want to get out of the car. I think it's the only time I spend reflecting. Chronic tiredness from Long Covid plus the immunosupressing meds for my Crohn's is slowing me down but everything just seems a massive effort. I am dealing with the paperwork following my father's death but it's not...
-
Wow, it's the middle of the week already!Today is our 11 year anniversary, so we're going out to a nice dinner. I'm losing a lot of sleep these days, hence a wonky schedule and uncomfortable feelings. But I know it will pass, eventually.I hope all of you have a peaceful day, and may good things come your way!
hugs and puppy kisses
We have to deal with inner pain and BS attachments. But once we let go of them, we will be free.
If you are wondering if your are also borderline - here's some thoughts...
no one likes rejection or abandonment - the difference is that borderlines will go alot further to avoid it, pre-emptive strike, buyor bargain their way out of.
borderlines tend to have very black and white relationships - at the start they may shower people with gifts but it can turn sour and remain that way.
the basic theory is that borderlines suffered inconsistent parenting so they are always looking for love, never feeling secure and don't have the right coping behaviours. I'd take bipolar any day personally, life must be really hard all the time if you have BPD.
These are all normal things - just like some aspects of bipolar are normal things - just that it's taken alot further.
There've been two separate scenarios where almost relationships have ended because of my co-dependency, and now they feel for me, since I've become independent, but I cannot get my feelings back.