Yeah, I also wish I was selfish sometimes and I wish that they hadn't taught me that my family would be devasted if I ended things even if I didn't think they would.

I read somewhere that we either need to 1. Reduce the pain of our current situation, and/or 2. Increase the resources that we have to cope. Drinking and pain pills may not reduce the pain, I don't know. I do know that they are a dangerous combination. If you don't have any regular meds which could help you sleep then you might want to go to the ER and ask them for help. They will be able to assess your situation and get you what you need.

I'm sorry that you're feeling this way and hope things get better soon.

thanks... i'll be okay. ER = money I do not have. I guess since i don't want to mark myself ie. cutting I have been using different methods to be self destructive. Not cool but it is true i feel like i'm slipping away from friendships, and as for the pain....well you know.


Anyway I really appreciate you responding

I could use some friendly words right now!

Yeah, I know about the $$ and ER issue. That's kept me away as well. I guess a good thing might be to think what they might do and try to replicate much of it at home. This might involve sleeping as much as you need, among other things. Also, if that's your photo on your profile, you're definately a looker! : -) If your boyfriend isn't interested there will be others . . . . this might not help right now but it's something to keep in mind. I hope you feel better soon.

I used to be where you are regarding relationships and being co-dependent rather than interdependent because you feel wonderful when the man you are in love with is with you or giving you the attention you need and then crappy and want to die when he doesn't. I did that for years. It also took me a long time to realized that not getting help for myself would result in me forever being co-dependent and never really finding out that I can get by on my own. Bipolar disorder tends to get the best of us when it comes to relationships.

I was in the ER twice because of one guy when I reality it was because I coudlnt' fathom the thought of ever being "alone". I went to therapy because the guy I was with told me he MIGHT work things out with me if I got help. I was going to my therapist for the wrong reasons. It took me about a year to realize that this guy was never going to work things out me and I was never going to be in any type of healthy relationship until I found a way to cope with my illness and gain a healthy relationship with myself.

I still see the same therapist and now I am with a guy (been with him going on six years) and we're getting married in 2011.

Don't get me wrong, I still catch myself being dependent of him, and when I find that I am I work on it. I realize that an interdependent relationship is the way to go.

Hon, you need help. The ER doesn't have to be expensive especially if you aren't working. You can admit yourself as indigent and you won't get billed. I never got billed for my ER visits and admittance. I filled out forms and was on medicaid. Do you have a therapist? If you don't, find one. You can look on www.nami.org to get help and find therapist.

I know you can get through this...

Man...my post had WAY too many typos! I was doing like five things while typing it at the time as I am at work... Sorry!

np... If it wasn't for spell check..... well you know. thanks I know I can be Co-Dependent a lot of the time. Alcoholic Parents! But I wish It didn't carry over into my other relationships. I do see a therapist and he's great. Sometimes life just throws more at you than you can handle and that's really the situation right now. As far as ER visits 50 bucks. I'm still covered on my moms insurance till Im 25... what i'll do after that... WHO THE HELL KNOWS! but still i really appreciate you sharing all that with me. Its good to hear i'm not as alone as I think