Sounds like you have a lot on your plate. It is incredible how much you're doing. Is there someone that can help get the air out of your pipes so don't make noise? Take care of yourself. Hugs.

Whew! you've got a helluva lot on your plate apart from the BiPolar. Its good to keep busy and not give into the Depression, because it tends to just suck you into the darkness faster when you do, I'm the first person who will testify to that and I intentionally tend to stay pretty busy myself, but with things like Work, Volunteering, Gardening, and with Brain Exercises like ZenTangling and Targeted Lobe Coloring. A lot of these things are things I can pull back from if I'm overwhelmed and the effect they're having on my life becomes negative instead of positive. Because nowadays Bipolar Disorder is not primarily managed In Patient in a Hospital, its mainly managed Out Patient at home with Medication and Therapy Treatment. So you have to be able to gauge when there's too much going on and your brain needs you to pull back and take care of you.

Some things that could possibly help:

Doing MJ while on Psych meds is going to cause problems with the efficacy of your meds. Not to mention jeopardizing your sobriety.

Your Fiance not driving: there are many ways to get around these days, Lyft, Uber, buses, etc. I live out in the country on a 500 acre Horse Ranch and we get Lyft drivers out here. So perhaps he should either learn to drive, or if there is some reason he can't drive he needs to find some alternate travel arrangements and give you a break.

Helping with your mom and dad is a full time emotional job. Make sure you take breaks and give yourself time to breathe. Maybe just go for short walks out in the sunshine or crisp cool air a couple of times a day.

Miscarriages are so very hard on your heart, give yourself time to grieve those losses, not everything is just BiPolar Depression. Grieving those lost babies is perfectly normal for anyone, you have to give yourself time to process those feelings and work through the emotions. That grief will heal but it takes time.

Meet with your Pdoc and talk about your Medication Cocktail, stimulants are not usually prescribed for BiPolar Disorder. You need to make sure you know what his plan is for your medication treatment. Because going on and off some drugs can really screw with your brain and your emotions, and when your meds get out of whack it can often take quite a while to get them back to a stable point.

I hope that life settles down for you soon, and you have some time to just be with yourself and take a break from the business of life. I also hope your father does well.

Take care,
Kat

Jennifer, yes we have a couple guys "Mr. Heat" and his buddy Elmer Fudd lol that are supposed to finish up tomorrow flushing/purging the system. They have been working at trying to solve the issue for a few weeks. PRAYING this works. Thank so much for the encouraging words.
Kat, wow you blew me away with some hope girl. It is good to not give into the depression or it will suck me into a vortex of negativity and I surely know where that leads I just have a built in forgetter. I quit the stimulant and cbd mj vape pen tonight and I am going to reclaim my sobriety/ I do go to meetings just haven't been as involved because I felt quilt for having "used" even if its prescribed. My pdoc is actually great he is a recovery doc but sometimes I think he lets me run the show hence the stimulants (i actually have add but also bp) and your right on that being not a good mix. I could use a lot of the adult add skills and nutrition for the illness there are other alternatives. I really want to get better! The recurrent mc really took a toll on me and then my parents aging and the rest of my siblings not being around can make me resentful. But Its true I can be grateful to be the one who is there for them and sharing life and that is very valuable. I do go for jogs usually every day. Just a mile but to clear my head it works. My fiancé is great and he appreciates all I do and certain days does take an Uber. lol. You really cheered me up and helped me see that "BP amongst other things" isn't easy but you can use the brain to change the brain and not go down the rabbit hole. Hope you have a great night ..Thanks so much! Jen

I understand. I've suffered all my life with manic depression. We are sensitive to everything, noise, lights, and on and on. I use earplugs occasionally. I know sometimes you don't hear the loud music from the house next door, but the constant thump, thump, boom of the music is felt. I do know when I go into one of my deep, "black-hole" depressions, I just lie low and know it will pass. I pretend to take a sick day. You really need to get some help with caretaking, one of the hardest jobs there is. There may be state or other government agencies that can help. I know an agency did grocery shopping for my father when I couldn't. I took care of my father and had to step away once in awhile. I had a child at age 40 and would not have missed that for the world; but now she is an addict with mental illness of her own. Still for everything there is a purpose. It all will come together until the next ride is ready to go. Just prepare as best you can and do what helps you.

Jen,
Hey, when you said you also have ADD, it made the Stimulants make sense. My oldest son had pretty severe ADD most of his life, but between the Army National Guard and being a Fireman was able to learn to "center himself" and not need meds since he was 20. It can be hard to treat con-currant Mental Illnesses and have all the meds play nice with one another. I'm glad you have a good Pdoc, that's one of our most important tools is a good Pdoc.

I was DX'd BiPolar 28 years ago, seems like forever, but I've managed to get to periods of long stability, hit a wall in 2010 and just could not get out of the darkness, could not get my brain away from death being the only answer, so my then 19 year old took me over to the Hospital I used, sat with me while I committed myself and there I stayed for 3 and 1/2 months. I ended up doing 3 cycles of ECT (Electric Shock Treatment) because nothing else worked, I'd taken every med combo over the then 20+ years. So started the ECT in the hospital and finished out patient. My son took me to the hospital every M,W,F for a month to finish my treatments....and I was able to steadily but slowly pull my life back together.

One thing I was going to suggest for you is DBT? I'm not sure if your Pdoc's ever talked to you about it, but you can check it out online. Its Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, and it basically helps you retrain your brain to handle negative/traumatic/depressed moods & behaviors in a positive, safe, healthy way by learning different coping skills. It would actually help you with the ADD/Bipolar/Addiction/the Miscarriages....it would help you on so many levels. Its done in a group setting, with class work, generally a 9 month class. Just thought I'd mention it, when I learned a bit more about you in your reply it popped into my head.

I'm glad you found our little corner of the Internet, there are a lot of folks here who are very supportive, caring and helpful. I hope you hang around and get to know us.

Take care,
kat

Welcome back gotta....... You do have a lot on your plate..... I took care of my folks as well and it's harder then anyone who hasn't done it can imagine..... Care giving 24/7 is very, very difficult and when it's your folks there is a lot of emotion involved

There is a Caring for Aging Parents board as well on here that might help you.... Do you have any help or respite?

If not I would look into getting a social worker as well as Community Health involved.... There may be things that they are entitled to have that could benefit all of you

Big hug and a blessing......xo

Sounds like you are going through a lot! We are all here is you just need people to vent to. I hope you get help for your bipolar soon so you'll be able to cope better with all your responsibilities. Welcome back!