Bipolar Disorder Support Group
Bipolar disorder is not just a single disorder, but a category of mood disorders marked by periods of abnormally high energy and euphoria, often accompanied by bouts of clinical depression. This is the place to talk about your experience with bipolar disorder, learn from others' experiences, and find support.
...can be great! It means that if you're a creative soul your manic energy comes in really handy, your wild, outside-of-the-box thinking is appreciated your quirkiness is facilitated. BUT of course when you crash then shit hits the fan. Or when you're too consumed by your ten billion thoughts to follow through on any of your great ideas you get a bad rep.
Last year I had my first (and absolute worst) evaluation. I was so close to losing my job. My boss thought I had lost interest in my work, that I was just going through the motions, not knowing that this was just an inevitable part of... me. I only got a second chance because of my previous great moments, also fueled in part by my lovely little friend, Hypomania. By January he was commending me for doing a major 180. Again, with no clue that I hadn't really DONE anything, I had just cycled up.
I've seriously toyed with telling at least him about my illness but keep feeling as though it might get used against me somehow. (I recently re-read my contract and realized there's a clause that states that any mental condition that renders you incapable of performing your tasks is grounds for dismissal. Not sure if that applies to me.) I know my co-workers have noticed my symptoms- they comment on my very obvious changes but don't seem to know exactly what causes me to go from reserved to blurting out very sexual comments and switching out beige flats for cool heels and eyeliner.
Being bipolar in my job means that I have to find a way to not let my symptoms get in the way. When I'm approaching hypomania and covering an event I have to fight the urge (and it aint easy) to not get sucked into the high energy being pumped out of everyone else, to not have more than one drink, to not flirt with the clients. It also means fighting the choking claws of depression when they try to pull me into that dark place and drink all my creativity because I can't 'paint' black and white on my pages. It means using my bursts to make such a huge mark that when the darkness comes I can lean on what I did before, I can pull from the arsenal I have built to stave off the suspicions.
It can be pretty scary.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
At your age, jam, and being manic depressive, your cycles are Likely to make you feel, and seem to others, quite different from one time to the next. And it may end up costing your job or family or who knows?
But I get it. It would really be nice if you could convince your doctor you need a mood stabilizer, but I remember how hard that was in the past.
Being aware of your different cycles, as you are, is a good thing. Keep hanging in there, and write down as much as you can.
❤