I think:
being like other mom's doesn't make you a "better mom".
you shouldn't compare yourself to anybody, all you can do is do the best with what you have been given.

Go hang out on the parenting boards for a while. It will give you a whole new perspective on "other moms". Nobody is immune, it's just a matter of degree.

My mother had bipolar and it was undiagnosed and she became a bad mother once the disease took hold of her mind, NOT because of the bipolar but because she became abusive and once you overstep that line you need help which she never looked for so the abuse continued as did her mental decline.

I love her still regardless, though I needed therapy to help give me the grounding and stability she was unable to provide so that I could go on and have a happy life which I do have along with my bipolar.

She was a good mum when she could and thats what I remember too, the picnics, teaching me to read, dressing the christmas tree, taking me to the fair, playing games, reading to me, make the most of your quality time with your children when you can.

Have you tried colour coding your day, once up tell them that mom is having a green amber or red morning...green good, amber be extra special children cause mum is feeling fragile, red mum needs some space.

Try making cards up for them so if you are having a red day they can choose a card with suggestions of things for them to do. Maybe play a game together, or read, watch tv for an hour etc... if they have a row a card with how they can handle it without your help, let them help you make them out with you so they can give ideas or colour ics in cut pics out of mags to illustrate their ideas...

I have had plenty of issues with this myself. But, you know what? Regardless of whether or not your kid has or will develop BP, your kid is a part of you, and unless you are seriously hurting them, (like, they don't get to eat when you're mad at them, or beatings that bruise and stuff), you are probably the best person for them, seriously. My son DOES have mental illnesses of his own, and if he ended up with normie parents, they wouldn't understand. He has had run-ins with normie adults, (or WORSE, people who HAVE mental illnesses in vehement denial, worse than a normie on any day is someone who THINKS they're a normie), and it has often ended in disaster because they didn't understand him. Even though we have all these problems that make parenting extra challenging, we do have special gifts to our children that no one else can give. Like vickybea said, doing your best to manage your illness is important and goes a LONG way toward doing the right thing as a parent. Other than that , I pray, and I do my best to set SMALL goals, like, "I've spent a LOT of time in bed the past 3 days, tomorrow, I'm going to make sure son and I do something together when he comes home from school." It helps. (((((((((((hugs))))))))))) I hate it too, but don't let yourself feel like you don't deserve your kids, or vice versa.

My biggest problem is screaming. I don't beat the crap out of them or anything like that. They are fed, clothed and bethed daily.

You dont sound like a bad mom to me at all. You do sound frustrated though. My meds made me tired too, we cut them back to half dose. Have you talked to your PDOC about this?

You are not a bad mom! I to have these issues with my son and he see this I do feel horrible and pissed and than I yell at him for nothing. I feel horrible after that so I say I am sorry to him. I know it has to make him think my mom is a freak, But it does work out and it does get better. I would talk to my Dr about the whole meds and being tired that worked for me. And I have been doing a better. I don't know if this helps any but you have to know that you are not a bad mom to your kids. My son also struggled with Bipolar and is Autistic it frusterates me to think that I gave him the Bipolar though we were diagnosed around the same time. But the good thing is that when I am having those day s that I want nothing to do with him and when I want to scream he shows that little sign of he loved me still. and I am sure in your kids own way show you that so just think of those moments and say to yourself I am a good mom

Other moms are just like you, they all get angry, they all resent their kids at times, they all lose their cool, they all have favorites. It is harder to parent when you are sick. Its a much tougher job. Keep doing the best you can. And stop beating yourself up for it. When you feel like you are going to lose it and start screaming, instead of giving them a time out, take a time out for yourself. Leave the room, shut the door, deep breaths, music, give yourself a chance to calm down before you deal with the conflict.
I love Vickybea's idea of involving your kids in color coding the day. Vicky, has it worked for you?

No Barney I don't have children of my own yet, but I am in a long term loving relationship and we have spoken about marriage and a family in the future so I/we have done some serious thinking about how to cope.

My partner has spina bifida and is in a wheelchair and I have bipolar. Though I have been meds free and reasonably stable for almost a year, I know that at any time I could need them again and that I'll change both physically and mentaly.

So I've taken the time to think of ways to try to deal with my children at those times when I'm able. And prayed not to pass the bipolar on as it was via my mother to me.

Hi YoungDepressedMom

Well I've read through the thread and you've identified you're biggest problem with your parenting skills is your "screaming". Sooo, you can try your "best" to change that behavior.

YOU are not a BAD MOM. Your top post indicates that you are just not happy with your parenting skills. In fact, probably because you are depressed right now, you think your parenting skills are downright "horrible". Well I doubt they are horrible I used to work in CPS and that's where the really horrible skills are.

I'm not a parent myself so I can only imagine how frustrating it would be with having symptoms of irritability and feelings of anger, and then little ones demanding your time and straining your coping skills.

Your post, though, means you want to do better. You love and care about your children.

There's nothing wrong with, after you've screamed, saying "Mommy's sorry, she didn't mean to scream," then starting over in a calmer fashion. And if you can stop yourself from screaming, grit your teeth and fume silently in a loud huff instead. Kids can see when a parent is angry and pick up on moods so there's no fooling them, but it's much nicer for them to see Mom trying to control herself and explaining to them, "grrr, Mommy's really grouchy right now, you know Mommy gets grouchy but she's going to count to 10 and cool off." Then they get to see you role modelling how to manage anger.

I don't know how old your children are if that kind of thing would be appropriate, but you get my drift. Hugs.

I am so pissed off over Warlocks comment. I wouldn't be so grumpy all the time if I didn't have bipolar. So therefore it is because of the bipolar that I yell. He either doesn't have kids, or isn't the one that takes care of them 24/7.

You're not a bad Mom. I have two kids and I find the same problems - when I'm sick I'm bitchy as hell and tend to yell a lot too. A lot of "normal" (i.e. not BP) Moms and parents do and feel the same things, parenting can be frustrating/exasperating for anyone. Like someone suggested earlier - I try to give myself time-outs when I'm feeling particularly agitated - lowers the volume in the house a little.

I want everyone to see what Warlokk sent me. (he posted an answer to this, look back a few)
Below is an email he sent me.


I've seen it all before, sis.
Obviously, you are completely a manic mess right now and you need to CALM down. Take it from me, I know. Just learn to take a deep breath and stop treating your kids like trash.

you are not a bad mom. is your husband able to help you out? i don't have kids but my best friend has a 3 1/2 and 1 1/2yr old. She is not bipolar and feels the same way you do a lot of the time. I try and help her as much as i can. you need a support group at home to help you. Check out the parenting groups. If you want to message me I can give you my friends name who is on here and you can talk to her to. Good Luck and remember... a bad mom is a mom who doesn't admit there is a problem and doesn't ask for help. You did both. Your children are lucky to have you

Sweetie, obviously Warlock has some issues of his own he wants to take out on you. The first lesson I learned was not to let others effect my mood. It isnt worth it. You have had way more positive comments and if you try to focus on those, you will be able to find ways to cope with the disorder and raise your kids the way you want to.

Are you working with a therapist to help you through these times? Have you learned any relaxation techniques or anger prevention techniques. These are some of the things a therapist can help you with.

I know, for me, being with my four small children 24/7 was very very difficult. It would be even without bipolar disorder. You have to find ways to relax and have more confidence in your parenting skills.

I will be thinking of you and hoping you can work through this. If you want to talk please message me. Hugs